Depression is were you want to be alone,
But at the same time you dont want to be lonely.
Depression is where everything is going right,
But you're still sad.
Depression is wanting to go out,
But at the same time not wanting to socialize.
Depression is feeling trapped,
Trapped in your own mind
and no one understands.
Depression is having scars on your thighs and arms,
Scars from the battle you fought.
Depression is having sleepless nights,
Depression is shouting for help,
But no one hears you.
Depression is fighting demons deep
inside you.
Depression is not something to laugh at,                                    
So grow up if you think depression is just an act,
Depression is something serious.

can you ***** my finger and measure the dopamine in my veins? collect my teardrops and tell me if i'm going to be okay? can you light up the darkness with magical pills?
decide if i'm too sad to go to school?
can you tell me if i'm just being melodramatic? measure my blood pressure, maybe that will work. write me a prescription for 5 Happy Days in a row, and 3 hugs from Someone I Love.

doctor, doctor
i'm not feeling well today
doctor, doctor
i don't know if i should stay

sadness isn't a sickness, but it's infected my mind. can you write me some antibiotics to get them out in time?

sadness isn't sickness, but i think i might've caught something from doing a little too much of Having No Friends. don't you know how much i've been Laying In Bed?
sadness isn't sickness, but i think i'm coming down

doctor, doctor
i've got a severe case of the I Don't Want To Lives
can you write me a prescription?
make it go away?

doctor, doctor
you've let me down this time
doctor, doctor
i'm not in my prime

can you tell that i'm not healthy?
'cause i don't think you can
oh, sadness isn't sickness,
but it's fatal,
if all goes according to plan

Depression isn't when you know
That everything around you
Is going wrong
and you feel sad,
Depression is when you know
That everything around you
Is going right
And you still feel you sad.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

Maker of the Atomic Bomb

Give me all you’ve got,
Don’t hold back.
I grew up learning how to hide,
Figuring out how to stop others,
from seeing the real me.
I can take it.

I can take it for days,
I can hide it for weeks.
You can tell me everything you don’t like,
show me all the things you hate.
I can take it.

Show me how awful I am,
You’ve always been good at it.
I won’t try to defend myself,
I won’t tell you you’re wrong.
I can take it.

Don’t worry about me,
I’ll be okay.
I will believe what you say,
I always do.
I can take it.

I know you don’t mean to,
And if you do, I know it makes you feel better.
Whatever you do,
I’ll still be here for you.
I can take it.

Years later,
I’ll still be there.
I’ll still care about you,
Even when the whole world is against you, I’ll be there for you.
I can take it.

You can try to show me my faults,
But I see more of them than you do.
I’ll listen as you tell me how horrible I am.
As much as you hate me, I hate myself more.
I can take it.


Just remember that though I can take it,
It’s still there.
A burning ember in my brain.
I’ll think about it for hours.
I can take it.
Because one day I will explode,
Everything you’ve ever said to me will force its way out.
There will be no stopping it.
It will be seen everywhere, stabbing you in the heart.
I can take it.

I am an atomic bomb.
I will be calm and collected, until I’m not.
Everyone will be affected.
There will be debris everywhere,
And no one will be the same again.
I can take it.

I am an atomic bomb.
Violent and harmful,
Leaving scars for years to come.
I can take it.

Look out.
You will be hurt more than most.
Because I’m made out of everything you’ve ever said to me.
You’re that part of me,
The part that causes the explosion.
You’re standing right outside the blast zone.
There’s no chance of you getting hurt,
But you’ll get to see what you did,
You’ll see the monster you created.
You won’t be okay.
I won’t be able to take it.

But for now,
I’ll be fine.
For now I can keep it all inside.
I’ll hide all the hurt.
I can take it.



For now