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Natalia Nov 2020
Those eyes that once looked at me full of love,
that once held sparkles in them,
are now dull and emotionless.

Those eyes that i thought would forever make me smile
now became the reason for my forever frown

Those eyes that once held so much love and adoration,
now only reflect the sad truth,
and unescapable reality.
Falling out of love
Natalia Dec 2018
My mind is being flooded,
Flooded with thoughts of you,
And no matter how hard I try,
I just cant seem to get you out of my mind,
I just cant seem to forget you.
Its like an addiction now,
Its like a drug addiction,
Thinking about you is starting to become a habit,
A bad habit.
What is it that makes me so addicted to you?
Is it your smile?
Is it your eyes?
Or is it your laugh?
I just cant seem to find out why,
Your like a drug to me,
The more I am with you,
The more I want you,
The more my body cant function without you.
But its like they say,
Love is a drug.
  Dec 2017 Natalia
i forget my hygiene
Like showering and brushing my hair
Sometimes it's not changing my clothes
And i don't mean for two or three days
Sometimes it's two to four weeks
Sometimes my effort leaves me in bed
And when i say sometimes i mean
I'm swallowing glass
That leaves my body though
New fresh cuts
its hanging around friends that feel like complete strangers
but not leaving because your afraid of being asked whats wrong
It's breaking down crying but not shedding a tear
Because your mascara will run
it's turning the hot tap but getting cold water
Staying in the bath until you feel something more than numb
It's getting out but sitting on your bed trying to be cold
It's staying awake till four only to sleep to four the same day
It's forgetting to eat but not wanting to
Craving something you can't have
It's knowing that you need to move
but staying still until you Can manage to drag
yourself away from the only place you feel safe
Sometimes it's forgetting how to breathe
But there's no instructions on how to breathe
Everyone says "your body know how don't think about it"
But now i'm more aware and i'm gasping for air but
It's not that i won't breathe again it's just the
"Everyone can breathe why can't you
It's easy  She can breathe why can't you"
"Nothings wrong you can still breathe
Don't ask for help just breathe"
"Why can't you be more like her she can breathe
Without making a big deal out of it"
"Stop pretending you can't breathe"
Why can't you?
why don't they understand
"i just can't"
Natalia Dec 2017
Depression is were you want to be alone,
But at the same time you dont want to be lonely.
Depression is where everything is going right,
But you're still sad.
Depression is wanting to go out,
But at the same time not wanting to socialize.
Depression is feeling trapped,
Trapped in your own mind
and no one understands.
Depression is having scars on your thighs and arms,
Scars from the battle you fought.
Depression is having sleepless nights,
Depression is shouting for help,
But no one hears you.
Depression is fighting demons deep
inside you.
Depression is not something to laugh at,                                    
So grow up if you think depression is just an act,
Depression is something serious.
Natalia Dec 2017
So here i am
About to die
With a razor in my hand
"They wont understand"
"They wont even care"
i say to myself

So i finally slit my veins
And here i am,greeting death
I close my eyes
Hoping to be in a better place

I open my eyes
And i am in a place full of darkness
I try to scream for help
But no sound comes out
I never felt so scared

I pray to God to get me out of this place
I close my eyes
Hoping to be back in the world i knew
I open my eyes,
And i am still in this place

Now i will never get back my life
The life i lost forever
And now i am full of regret
Cause i am stuck in this place
All alone
In a place full of darkness
A poem I wrote ages ago,and just found it in my drafts.

— The End —