John. I haven't read one letter since you left. I'm scared to open an envelope and see the same note you left before you let your dreams, goals, days all hang from a rope. To be honest I don't know what it was that you needed to hear, what words could've saved your life. But I can say that old coffee shop feels emptier. My room feels colder. My eyes look darker. I don't smile at seasons changing anymore. I've been avoiding all mirrors because I can't bare to see myself without you.
    You were the best person I've ever met. It almost seemed unfair that I let such a perfect person be with a broken mess like me. You were so funny and the way your eyes lit up when you told a story...Oh God. I'm not religious but when you looked at me that way I thought we were both going to hell. Your laugh was all I needed to make a bad day better, oh what I would do to make you laugh.
   I know you hated long car rides and you knew I hated distance. Who knew 6 feet could feel longer than 100,000 miles.? Because now you're resting underground and I don't sleep without sleeping pills. I miss you so much. I miss you. I miss you.

Today,
True beauty was shown to me.
I prayed for it to be,
And now all I've seen,
Is beautiful.

The light streaky clouds,
So indescribably miraculous.
Impossibilities floating in the sky.

A smile of a child,
The laugh of a baby.
So happy to see,
But one person...
Me.

Feeling so important.
Feeling it's right.

Lucky, for I see
That today God showed to me,
But some, of life's true beauty.

Hey you're more than pretty. You're gorgeous. You're eyes sparkle brighter than any star. Your smile beats the moon. Your hair is so much fun to play with. Remember not to starve, purge, cut, tear, stab, poke, burn, scratch. There's no need too. I don't need to see your face to know your beautiful. I don't care what the mirror says. You deserve to know the ugly truth. You will always be beautiful and there's nothing you can say or do to change that.

LOVE
       is
         Like
A
       W
          A
             T
           E
         R
       F
         A
            L
          L

       The longer
          It is
      The harder
         It crashes

      The stronger
         It is
            The
               Faster it
          F
            A
          L
             L
                 S

        The *deeper
          It is
            The *longer
        It takes
             To
            *Get
          Out

See him wasted on the sidewalk, in his jacket and his jeans
Wearin' yesterday's misfortunes like a smile
Once he had a future, full of money love and dreams
Which he spent like they was goin' outta style

And he keeps right on a'changin', for the better or the worse
Searchin' for a shrine he's never found
Never knowin' if believin', is a blessin' or a curse
Or if the goin' up was worth, the comin' down

He's a poet, an' he's a picker, he's a prophet, an' he's a pusher
He's a pilgrim and a preacher, and a problem when he's ******
He's a walkin' contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Takin' ev'ry wrong direction on his lonely way back home

He has tasted good and evil, in your bedrooms and your bars
And he's traded in tomorrow for today
Runnin' from his devils Lord, and reachin' for the stars
And losin' all he loved, along the way

But if this world keeps right on turnin', for the better or the worse
And all he ever gets is older and around
From the rockin' of the cradle, to the rollin' of the hearse
The goin' up was worth, the comin' down

He's a poet, an' he's a picker, he's a prophet, an' he's a pusher
He's a pilgrim and a preacher, and a problem when he's ******
He's a walkin' contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Takin' ev'ry wrong direction on his lonely way back home

There's a lot of wrong directions, on that lonely way back home