Michelle

Michelle Jul 2014

fill my lungs with smoke

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that i will forget you.

i cant

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that the smoke will wash away your scent.

spices and vanilla

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that i will forget how you tasted.

coffee and bagels

I light cigarettes,
in hopes that the fires i start will burn a hole in my memory so i can forget the colour of your eyes, or how they gleamed like sapphires.

i still see the sapphires

And the truth is,
i cannot forget you,
Or how you smelled like spices and vanilla,
Or how every morning when i kissed you and you’d taste like the bagels and coffee that you had,
Or how your eyes are the centre of my universe, and how they glimmer like distant stars a million light years away.

These cigarettes are not enough,
they do not intoxicate me as much as my thoughts of you do.

And even if i tried to drown myself in the deepest oceans,
or if i tried to throw myself off the highest buildings,

i will never, never, be able to forget you.

fill my lungs with smoke

originally written on my private blog on the 22nd of june 2014 chatoyantailurophile.wordpress.com

#love #depression #pain #sadness #tears #hurt #sorrow #help #missing #arcticscreams

Michelle Jun 2014

Bones.

your bones,

they protrude

at awkward angles,

where the veins meet your muscles.

the thick grey lines,

cast on your ivory skin,

like waves on the violent ocean surface,

the shadows from your bones.

from your collar bones,

to your ribcage,

to your hips,

to your thighs,

and to your ankles.

the lack in the amount of flesh,

the lack in the amount of muscle mass.

to me they were perfect.

your bones,

they were just

beautiful.

August 24th, 2013, originally posted on my private blog chatoyantailurophile.wordpress.com

#sad #lonely #depressed #help #grunge #anorexia #thin #skinny #save #arcticscreams

Jun 2014

soliloquist

you

your eyes are hurricanes;
they enrapture me in their
stormy green-blue shades,
they whisk me away
like alice
to your wonderland.

your lips are earthquakes;
each quiver
of those perfectly curved lips
make me tremble and shake
inwardly
and my knees buckle without
my knowing.

your hands are tsunamis;
they travel up and down,
a mind of their own,
aliens.
they caress every curve and edge,
study every detail of
the skin
over my muscles and bones.

you, my dear
are a spectacle indeed.

idea taken from @unbalanced on twitter

Michelle Jun 2014

death by ocean.

the ocean
it’s calling me.
its sweet longing,
tugs at the echoes of the beach.

the water is the greatest illusion,
seemingly blue and seamless,
it washes up,
clear as crystal.

the water stretches for miles
like millions of diamonds
floating on the transparent linen
blurred by the glint of the sun.

sailboats glide past
creating the only dents
in the flawless sheet of foam
haunting the blue ink.

swish

my eyes close
and i lean back
and i let the arms of the waves
catch me

the tides pull me down
until my head is no longer above the surface
and i do not struggle
but say my farewell to the sunlight.

swish

the sounds are fading
and my vision is receding
i try not to fight
and i let my body lie limp

the world will never know i am gone.
the sky will never spill a tear.
insignificant
insignificant

when you hear the echoes of the ocean
or see the million diamonds lined up along the shore
i hope you think of me
and i hope you know,

i am free

*swish

originally written on november 10th 2013 on my private blog chatoyantailurophile.wordpress.com

#love #suicide #poem #sad #sadness #death #help #you #grunge #ocean

Michelle Jun 2014

dynamites

I yearn for a sombre eternity.
I yearn to be the diamond of your universe.

But i have been forgotten,
like shooting stars of the 1800s

I believe we had something,
a glowing spark that hung from fragile dynamite wires, threatening to detonate into a full blown love affair.

Day by day, your interest faltered, sending me into depths of sadness.
And i’d cry, every night, for i now knew, that our love was a dying flame, the kind that you see at the end of almost finished candle wicks.

And so my eyes bled, they bled sorrow and pain, and they made the spark on the dynamite wire die out. And there was smoke, and for a while, i was lost.

And the dynamite never blew up, and the love that could have been, never was. And here i stand, broken and bruised, just hoping you would find me again, and reignite the spark.

Because in all truth,
I really, really, really wonder what it would be like to be with you.

i have been forgotten, like the shooting stars of the 1800s.

#love #sad #depression #sadness #dreams #grunge #forgotten #arcticscreams #dynamites

Michelle Jun 2014

Plummeting

I am plummeting.
Faster than the speed of light.
That even time slows down.

I am plummeting.
Falling from the the clouds.
Into the deepest depths of the ocean.

I am plummeting.
Like an angel with wilted wings.
All innocence is lost.

I am plummeting.
Headfirst.
And i do not struggle.

I am plummeting.
A dying light.
I no longer shine.

I am plummeting.
My lungs are tired.
My screams shall not be heard.

My tears shall be the diamonds,
they glisten and radiate my sorrow.

The angels are crying too.
Because they know,
They cannot save me.

I am plummeting.

*Catch me.

the angels are crying too because they know they cannot save me

#sad #depression #sadness #falling #poems #help #catchme #plummeting #arcticscreams