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12 cont.



I hated my name until you said it
I hated the book until I read it

I wanted a father
but he didn't want a daughter

mom wanted the grades,the money, and popularity
she wasn't successful, so maybe her daughter could be

so she told me to walk to school, I'll lose some weight
she said make friends, or it will  all go to waste

she said don't be yourself they don't like who that is
be exactly like them, and you'll fit right in

yet I walked home alone, thinking
listening to my shoes clinking

I may be young but I know too much
so I walked the hallways in a hunch

they called me beautiful and I didn't believe it
i wanted to, so much I didn't eat

yes i was different and not in a good way
too much pain almost took me away

I have been hurt so much I can say "I'm used to it"
it doesn't hurt anymore, not even a bit

I smiled but I wasn't happy,
I laughed but I felt ******

they asked me what was wrong
then they forgot and went along

out of all the lies I have heard "I love you" was my favorite
it made me happy for a moment and I would never forget it

but then I remember it's a lie
and your words are meaningless, unless to prove them, you would die

because the day you said goodbye
was the day I too, learned to lie

‘I’m ok’ I would say
but in my bed I would cry, not lay

they told me to sleep it and get out of this funk
but it was hard to dream about you because I knew I would have to wake up

I woke up with fear
and went to sleep shedding atear

i was second to those I put first
and I knew that soon I would burst

I tried to forget that it hurt
And one day it came back in a spurt

no one came along to fix my broken parts
and all their comfort didn’t come from their heart

in the world of sorrow I found my place
the broken promises, I never learned to erase

depression became my home and happiness was a place I would visit
and for so long, I didn't wanna admit it

scared they would find out
but no one would have a doubt

that I just want attention
it’s all a lie, not depression

but if it was a cry for help
then why didn’t you help?

r.f
no judgement ,, i write for myself
 Dec 2014 Cynthia A
Nolan Bucsis
Love me.
Please.
I've never had.
Anything that feels.
Quite.
Like this.
I'm losing it again.
Isolated in a private insanity.
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
rachel
Goodbye isn't the hardest part
I don't know who came up with that
But it's a lie
The hardest part is living your life, for the first time in a while, completely alone
Some may call it Freedom
A new start
I would call it the Aftermath
My world lays in utter destruction
Turmoil
As thunder ruptures above the stormy oceans in my mind
Conflicted waves of emotion flood over me as I go from regret to aching
And the sun seems like it will hide from me forever
As if it can see the darkness inside of me
And thinks that it's the night
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
rachel
Shards
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
rachel
I felt broken today
I felt as if everyone who looked at me saw how torn I was
As if they were counting how many pieces of him were stuck in my skin like broken glass
Little bits and pieces stuck everywhere he ever touched me
How can they possibly count them all
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
Scott T
Untitled
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
Scott T
It's ok to smile once in a while
it can sometimes make you laugh
it kind of just feels good to do it
It's ok to think of life as a joke in these moments
because you need a good joke to laugh
at
this
****
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
Scott T
Untitled
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
Scott T
Your anatomy laid bare for me
Your silhouette in the dim light
And other things that can make a good man
Unreasonable

Door closed
Locking out the perfect faces on the billboards
Shielding two more from the broadcasts of unobtainable lifestyles
As our souls speil, soar and reel in the dark
As we descend into the milky cosmos
As the space between two sheets is filled with love
 Aug 2014 Cynthia A
rachel
I get cold sweats when I think about leaving you
I try to cope with the rush of emotion
The jumble of sadness and frustration and anger
I struggle for a moment when the thought crosses my mind
Comprehending our goodbye is impossible
Not being with you is unfathomable
I just thank you for giving me your music
And therefore your soul
Whenever I listen to the same songs that have fluttered in your ears and swirled around your head
I can feel you close to me
A piece of you is near
And it becomes easier to stand not being next to you on our sleeping bag under the stars
It makes it so that this quilt on my bed is enough to keep me warm
At least for the time being
sadness and emptiness are two different things
emptiness is absence of feeling, and sadness is pain
emptiness is the feeling of no feeling at all,
sadness is the crippling enabler that makes you feel small
sadness has a cure, or so it seems
emptiness, however,  is a very unsolvable thing
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