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Cynthia A Jun 2017
there is a dark emptiness within.
slowly growing as the time passes.
some days it shrinks away,
others it expands and nearly consumes all.
there is a desperate need to fill that void:
inhale the nicotine
release the darkness within that smoke.
swallow the fire,
that numbs the mind.
Cynthia A May 2017
the gardener ventured
across the country
till he found
the perfect plot

young, unsown
fertile
and ready to be
used

he did as any gardener
would do
he planted his seed
knowing
his flower would grow

he planted his seed
and waited
he watered the ground
and waited

a young sprout
broke through the soil
and the gardener beamed
his flower was growing

and it grew
and it grew

he watered his flower
and gave her food
he thought she needed
and he plucked away
what she didn't

his flower was small
and delicate
he needed to protect her
protect her from others

she was his flower
and his alone

if she grew astray
he pulled her back
into her place

and all she was
was just his flower
and his alone
Cynthia A Sep 2015
Quite often I find myself wondering,
Questioning my existence
Is all the pain and drama worth it?
Every hurtful word,
Every tear,
Every cut,
Every bruise,
Every cigarette,
Every bottle,
Every anything,
Is anything worth it?
Cynthia A Jan 2015
Her
Fear her
She may be small
She may be young
But she is a force to be reckoned with
If she let's you in
Do not hurt her
You'll understand why you should
Fear her
She may be small
She may be young
But she knows how to cause pain
Not physical pain
But the worst kind of pain
Emotional pain
Hurt her and she'll make you miserable
12 cont.



I hated my name until you said it
I hated the book until I read it

I wanted a father
but he didn't want a daughter

mom wanted the grades,the money, and popularity
she wasn't successful, so maybe her daughter could be

so she told me to walk to school, I'll lose some weight
she said make friends, or it will  all go to waste

she said don't be yourself they don't like who that is
be exactly like them, and you'll fit right in

yet I walked home alone, thinking
listening to my shoes clinking

I may be young but I know too much
so I walked the hallways in a hunch

they called me beautiful and I didn't believe it
i wanted to, so much I didn't eat

yes i was different and not in a good way
too much pain almost took me away

I have been hurt so much I can say "I'm used to it"
it doesn't hurt anymore, not even a bit

I smiled but I wasn't happy,
I laughed but I felt ******

they asked me what was wrong
then they forgot and went along

out of all the lies I have heard "I love you" was my favorite
it made me happy for a moment and I would never forget it

but then I remember it's a lie
and your words are meaningless, unless to prove them, you would die

because the day you said goodbye
was the day I too, learned to lie

‘I’m ok’ I would say
but in my bed I would cry, not lay

they told me to sleep it and get out of this funk
but it was hard to dream about you because I knew I would have to wake up

I woke up with fear
and went to sleep shedding atear

i was second to those I put first
and I knew that soon I would burst

I tried to forget that it hurt
And one day it came back in a spurt

no one came along to fix my broken parts
and all their comfort didn’t come from their heart

in the world of sorrow I found my place
the broken promises, I never learned to erase

depression became my home and happiness was a place I would visit
and for so long, I didn't wanna admit it

scared they would find out
but no one would have a doubt

that I just want attention
it’s all a lie, not depression

but if it was a cry for help
then why didn’t you help?

r.f
no judgement ,, i write for myself
Cynthia A Dec 2014
Save me
I'm falling
Farther  and farther
Down the rabbit hole
I can't get out
Help me
I'm begging
My hand reaches out
Grasping the air
Hoping  to find a hand
Rescue me
I trapped in this hole
I cannot break out
Not alone
Only you can save me now
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