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Cynthia A Mar 2014
Every day
Every hour
Every minute
Every second
Every moment
Is pure agony

I sit
How much longer?
How long shall I wait?
When will he respond?

Seconds turn to minutes
Minutes turn to hours
And hours turn to days
There is still no response

Every day
Every hour
Every minute
Every second
I am in pure agony
Waiting for him
Cynthia A May 2017
the gardener ventured
across the country
till he found
the perfect plot

young, unsown
and ready to be

he did as any gardener
would do
he planted his seed
his flower would grow

he planted his seed
and waited
he watered the ground
and waited

a young sprout
broke through the soil
and the gardener beamed
his flower was growing

and it grew
and it grew

he watered his flower
and gave her food
he thought she needed
and he plucked away
what she didn't

his flower was small
and delicate
he needed to protect her
protect her from others

she was his flower
and his alone

if she grew astray
he pulled her back
into her place

and all she was
was just his flower
and his alone
Cynthia A Jul 2014
You are perfect
I am broken
You are innocent
I am impure
You are an angel
I have been cast out of heaven
You are kind
I get used
You are loving
I get hurt
You are beautiful
I am ugly
You are my everything
I am nothing
You are perfect
*I am broken
Cynthia A Mar 2014
I woke up this morning excited
Ready to take on the day
And whatever it brought
Yet I feared for what would happen
My stomach twisted in knots
Yet there were butterflies
Fluttering around in it too
I couldn't think straight
But I knew exactly what I had to say
I had to know
Yet I couldn't stand to find the truth
My everything was in that answer
My every hope
My every dream
All could come true
Or come crashing down around me
What would happen?
How would it go?
Cynthia A Feb 2014
He was my backbone
I was his rock
We needed each other
Like the sun needs the moon
We were Apollo and Artemis
Absolute opposites but that's what made us so great

He was tall
Blonde haired
Blue eyed
And fair skinned
I was short
Brown haired
Brown eyed
And tan

He was happy and open
While I kept to myself
He was strong and bold
While I was shy and conservative

He saw that I was fragile
And I saw that he needed tenderness
He taught me to be strong
And I taught him to be kind

I tamed him
While he made me wild
I managed to cage the beast
As he opened the door to a world I didn't know about

The longer we were together the crazier things got
Soon there was no holding us back
We fed off each other
We were fire and gasoline
Cynthia A Aug 2014
I thought you cared
I thought you liked me
I was wrong
You never liked me
I was just your sympathy case
To make yourself feel good
You complimented me
Constantly throughout the day
You built me up
Never planning in telling the truth
That you had no real feelings for me
Now I desperately search
For anything sharp
To help bleed you out of me
Cynthia A Jun 2017
there is a dark emptiness within.
slowly growing as the time passes.
some days it shrinks away,
others it expands and nearly consumes all.
there is a desperate need to fill that void:
inhale the nicotine
release the darkness within that smoke.
swallow the fire,
that numbs the mind.
Cynthia A Sep 2015
Quite often I find myself wondering,
Questioning my existence
Is all the pain and drama worth it?
Every hurtful word,
Every tear,
Every cut,
Every bruise,
Every cigarette,
Every bottle,
Every anything,
Is anything worth it?
Cynthia A Apr 2014
I'm done
Done with you
With your little games
The little games you play
You play with my head
And my head controls my heart
My heart says to love you
But to love you would be pain
The pain  of knowing you're not mine
Not mine to have and hold
But what would I hold on to?
To the thought of your beauty?
Your beauty only goes so far
But not far enough
So I've had enough with you
With all your stupid games
Games that are no longer fun
Now the fun will be mine
As you watch and see
You'll see that I'm no longer yours
Cynthia A Apr 2014
I waited for you
For days I waited
And I heard nothing
I started to lose faith
Doubt crept into my heart
As did fear
Fear that you no longer wanted me
Fear that I was alone
And I was alone
You left me
Shot in the dead of night
My heart broke
Into a thousand pieces again
You had put them together
Now I am broken again
And you're gone
While I'm alone
Left here on earth
You are free
I am still trapped
I long to be with you
But I cannot
For you are gone forever...
Cynthia A Jan 2015
Fear her
She may be small
She may be young
But she is a force to be reckoned with
If she let's you in
Do not hurt her
You'll understand why you should
Fear her
She may be small
She may be young
But she knows how to cause pain
Not physical pain
But the worst kind of pain
Emotional pain
Hurt her and she'll make you miserable
Cynthia A Aug 2014
There is no escape
No matter how far I run
No matter what I say
No matter what I do
No matter where I hide
I cannot escape

There is no escape
I can't hide from my past
The ghosts come back to haunt me
Just when I think I'm free
They come and pull me back again
I cannot escape

There is no escape
I am bound to who I was
I am held down by chains
I am held down by my regrets
I am held down by all my mistakes
I cannot escape

I can never be free
For I am bound
Never to open up
Never to rule trust
Never to truly love
Because I can never escape

*I cannot escape from myself
Cynthia A Feb 2014
Alec broke my heart
As easily as Will had
Down to the day
Exactly one year ago
Will left never saying goodbye
Never settling anything

They were polar opposites
Will and Alec
Will, angry and pessimistic
Alec, happy and bright
Ones heart had been broken and had turned to stone
The others never known what love was or how much it hurt
One thing was the same
My greatest weakness
Their eyes
The most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen
A deep blue ocean
I was lost at sea
I'd died a thousand deaths in them

Will's eyes were beautiful
But there was something in them
Darkness hide behind the beauty  
Much pain and agony hid from the light
There was no light in his eyes, but only anger

Alec's eyes were equally beautiful
There was something in them too
In those eyes was a light
It showed that he had nothing to hide
They showed that no one had ever broken his heart

Yet both those oceans captivated me
There was nothing I could do to resist them
The more I fought, the more I fell
Head over heels for them
But neither seemed to feel the same

I was not their sun and stars
I was never their Aphrodite
Though they were my world
And they were my life
Alec broke my heart
Just as easily as Will had
Exactly one year ago
Cynthia A Jul 2014
Have you ever like somebody so much that it hurt?
You want them so badly, but you know you can't have them?
You know they don't want you like that,
Yet you still hope everyday that they'll change their mind
Although you know you can't no matter what you say or do
So you settle
You settle to be whatever they'll let you be
A friend
A best friend
A sibling
Friends with benefits
Whatever you can be
You're so desperate to be close to them
It's sad to see yourself like this
And it hurts when you see them more interested in someone else
And then you wonder
Did you ever mean anything to then at all?
Then you realize
You don't
*And never will
Cynthia A Dec 2014
Save me
I'm falling
Farther  and farther
Down the rabbit hole
I can't get out
Help me
I'm begging
My hand reaches out
Grasping the air
Hoping  to find a hand
Rescue me
I trapped in this hole
I cannot break out
Not alone
Only you can save me now
Cynthia A Mar 2014
He loves me
He loves me not
To be?
Or not to be?
Simple questions that I never understood
Till today
There is a new light to the world
I'd wondered for years
If he loved me
And now I know
The world has shifted
I see the light
After years of waiting I now know
But he'll never be mine
To love and take care of
To have and to hold
I'd missed my opportunity
Long ago
It'd come and gone
Such simplicity
Just to ask him a little question
But I didn't because I was scared
Now it'll forever haunt me
Cynthia A Mar 2014
Sometimes you're such an ****
And I wonder why I'm friends with you
Or why I put up with you
Or how we came to be
Then I think how boring my life would be
If it didn't have you in it
Cynthia A Jul 2014
To Love Is To Destroy
To Be Loved Is To Be The One Destroyed

Love Destroys
It breaks
It weakens
It softens
Love Destroys
"To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed." - Cassanvra Clare
Cynthia A Jun 2014
Once there was a kingdom
Bright and beautiful it was
No other could compare
She was strong and steady
Like a beating drum

The king of the land
Knew not of what he had
In his palm was this kingdom
It could withstand anything
Or so it seemed

The king was arrogant
He mistreated the land
He abused his power
She started to become weak
No longer bold

She retreated away from him
But his power was too strong
She tried to fight
But she was too weak
She'd lost her radiant glow

With every passing hour she withered away
More and more everyday
She did not have the strength to withstand him
The cracks began to show
Like cracks in a statue
Cynthia A Sep 2014
You're perfect
But not good enough for me
I love you
But not enough to be your man
You're beautiful
But not pretty enough for me
You're funny
Because of your stupidity
You're cute
Because you don't know the truth
You're my best friend
Because you're just my play thing
I'm here for you
*But not for long

— The End —