The railroad track is miles away,
  And the day is loud with voices speaking,
Yet there isn’t a train goes by all day
  But I hear its whistle shrieking.

All night there isn’t a train goes by,
  Though the night is still for sleep and dreaming
But I see its cinders red on the sky,
  And hear its engine steaming.

My heart is warm with the friends I make,
  And better friends I’ll not be knowing,
Yet there isn’t a train I wouldn’t take,
  No matter where it’s going.

Shrinking in a corner,
pressed into the wall;
do they know I'm present,
am I here at all?

Is there a written rule book,
that tells you how to be-
all the right things to talk about-
that everybody has but me?

Slowly, I am withering-
a flower deprived of sun;
longing to belong to,
​somewhere or someone.

They say pain comes in waves
But it always feels more like I'm standing in the rain with you.
All fake smiles and sun showers.

She says he holds her hands like they're daisies.
Remember the time you watched my fingers tremble for three hours?
It was the first time I let you turn me into an earthquake.

She says he won't let go, that's shes afraid he never will.
I don't know if that's a curse or a blessing,
But I do know that when it came from your lips,
it was as a promise.

She says he doesn't really love her.
Explains that he doesn't actually want her,
he just doesn't want anyone else to have her,
As if this is all new to me.
She doesn't see the way my eyes go dark when she says this.
She doesn't know about the J carved into my ribs,
Doesn't know that its been burning me since the day you explained to me how much easier it is to leave than to stay.
And i bet you don't know that leaving has been my trade mark ever since.

She says they're just empty threats,
That he'll get over it, doesn't really mean it.
I try to listen to her speak over the sound of you telling me "I won't ever do it again" over and over somewhere deep in my head.
Somewhere where memories and dreams collide,
A place where the image of you still lives like a photograph I keep trying to burn.

She tells me again about the other boy,
The one who is sweet and soft
Who doesn't mind waiting
and leaves her notes on her car.
She smiles as she talks about him,
And I helplessly watch as the color fades from her face as she tells me she's afraid.

I remember the fear you made me feel.
I remember believing I could never have him as long as I had you.
And no matter how hard I try to forget it all, my biggest regret is never letting him love me because I was too busy loving you.

She uses the word "toxic" and I flinch.
I choke back the taste of your name bubbling at the back of my throat,
Listen to her tell me it's time for her to move on.

I never tell her that seven years later,
I still wake up screaming your name every night.

I've been hiding for so long,
I've always been here.
Waiting for somebody to notice me.
I smile, I curve my lips,
But nobody gives me a second glance.

That real smile weeks ago has diminished to a fake,
A mask, I wear,
Concealing my true face.
They've pushed me to the sides,
As if I had never existed at all.

Since they didn't care for the real me,
This is who I've become,
A fragment of their nightmares.
That girl nobody cared for, she's crying,
The tears running down her face.

"nobody cares" "shut up"
They've all said to her.
Nobody gave her.... nobody gave ME...
A second glance.
I was a girl nobody cared for, the one swept underneath the bed.

Don't look under the bed at the girl with the hidden face,
Her face streaked with tears,
A broken and shattered heart.
She used to be real, but they turned her fake,
Nobody ever once cared.

But SHE looked.
That one girl... with the short dark brown hair,
Her eyes flicked with gold.
She looked under her bed, where the outcasts were sent,
And she actually saw me, instead of seeing past.

She had a smile that even a billion words could not capture,
She looked at me and said,
"Why hello there. I care about you."
And again the girl under the bed started to cry...
But this time it wasn't from sadness.

You sat beside me and spoke so sweetly
Let your hands run up my back ever so discreetly
I felt you dancing along my vertebrae
To the tunes of your own words that mould like clay
It took all of me to lift my sleeves
And show you my scars, the reason why everyone leaves
You titled your head to get a better view
Pointed out every dark depressant hue
Then you let your tongue slip
To tell me they're not the wreckage of skin, shadow and ship
That they're not remotely close to how bad they could be
Little did you know how much those scratches mean to me
You spoke of a girl you once knew
Like a Broadway play acting on cue
Mine were nothing compared to hers
In your words, mine are like nicks from spurs
You left me blowing in an empty breeze
While I whirl around like branches falling from trees
Nicks and cuts becoming apparent
My chest transforming transparent
Now I sit curled in a blood soaked bed sheet
Unwillingly trying to compete
Keeping my bones warm
While emulating thoughts swarm
To think you were going to be the one to make my bed
To think you were going to be the place to rest my head
As if I don't hate my inflections enough
You turned into a wolf and puffed and huffed
Blowing me down like a house made of straw
Then you sat back and laughed as I crawled
Letting the stones cut my upper thigh
You asked me what it feels like to die
I told you that it feels a lot like this
And those tiny little nicks shouldn't be dismissed
Because every wound bleeds
It's a part of sufferings deed
And soon enough they'll bleed you dry
By then it sure won't help to cry
You will be the death of me
And only then will you see
That those nicks and cuts mean so much to me
And that they are as bad as they could be

Pull me down into your moonlit lakes and stormy penumbras in your brilliant eyes
Smother me with your petrichor and evanescant forever afters and a fleeting eternity
Tempt me with the galaxies in your orbiting existence and questions--questions and gossamer mysteries
Be my eloquence of my stutter, my elixir to my poison, my epiphany for my existence.