4:21am
hi, how are you? i hope you're okay. hope you're doing fine. I'm sorry, I've just been thinking as always. you've never said it, but I'm sure you've thought: "you think too much"

4:24am
these past days haven't been going easy you know, and i think you know why. I'm sorry, you're just always on my mind.

4:25am
I'm sorry, it's kind of cold, the fan's on and windows' ajar. was just wondering if you'd hold my hands, I've never felt your hands before, and you've never felt mine. I'm sure they feel like silk, (soft and smooth).


4:26am
i miss you and I'm sorry i came by so late. sorry i didn't know you before. sorry i didn't know you before things changed. sorry that our situation is just not right.

4:28am
it's getting late and I should be sleeping, but i just read something and now i can't take my mind off you.

4:30am
have i ever told you that i love your smile, and there's this "quiet" thing about you that i love. i hope you keep smiling, hope no one ever makes you cry. hope that you're always alright. one of us has to be.

4:32am
i wished things didn't end the way they did. i didn't predict our ending like this. didn't even predict an ending.

4:33am
wish it wasn't so hard seeing you. wish things would go back to normal, wish i could turn back the time to when we first met. ****, those were the best couple weeks of my life. i think they were the best for you too.

4:35am
i still reread our past conversations and they still make me laugh.

4:38m
it's getting late, and i don't know what to say. i love you? still do. and always will. true love never dies.
-h.s.

there are many things i can stop.

i can stop myself from jumping into the road with cars coming to and fro.

i can stop myself from dancing to my favourite song,
out of fear of being ridiculed.

i can stop the clock,
and turn back the hands of time,
hoping to actually go back into time.

i can stop myself from eating for days,
out of fear of getting fat.

i can force myself to study a four page speech in two days
and read off a Shakespeare novel
for an exam the following day.

i can fight through menstrual pain,
but one thing i cannot do,
is stop myself from
falling in love
with
you.

h.s.

i'm not pushing the shift key
because there's nothing left to capitalize
tantalizing thrones of angry kings
their names synonymous with imperialize

i hate you, and you hate me
one of us is lying, and i won't admit it's me
'cause you're everything i wanted
but you're nothing that I need

hollowed bones and quiet whispers
fill what's left of this tired skin
lonely lovers with lost lives stand in line
and await their goodbyes

so as i smash the space key and i silently brood
i hate the way your eyes flicker, the way you say my name
you claim that nothing is wrong between us
but your expression remains the same

i'm not afraid to tell you i hate you,
i'm afraid of what will proceed
the tyrannizing looks of saints and sinners
all believing i have, indeed, gone insane

S
  o when I die, burry me inside the deepest of graves
  farther than six-feet-under, because if I’m that close
  I won’t behave. I’m too close to him, through the earth
  I feel his sins, and they keep me alive until
T
  omorrow. When the quiet life subsides, there’s no blue
  left in the sky, and the life we thought we lived was just
  a happy little lie. **** affection, I don’t need it, all my
  lies will supercede it, and I don’t need some therapist
O
  ver-analyzing my thoughts, because I’m already dead.
  Love was just a word we made up to feel better about
  the holes in our shoes and the ones in our hearts, and
  maybe I’m not over him, but I’m over the thought of him
R
  eaching out and grabbing my hands, he’s a boy, not
  a man, and he’s too afraid to whisper ‘I love you, too’
  because he’s too busy trying on a new pair of running
  shoes, and I know he won’t ever love me, even though
G
  od and him both tell me to wait and see, and I know he
  won’t stay, even though he swears he’s anchored to me
  and I know when the sun sets, he’ll be nowhere to be found
  just burry me at least seven feet under the ground, ‘cause the
E*
  arth will love me more than him, and the frigid temperatures
  will remind me where I am, and the sun will bleed down promises
  (not so empty this time), and my corpse will be the breeding
ground for new life. I don’t love him, but I’m glad he killed me…

I always wanted to be a flower.
Now I get to be a whole bed of them.

You are above me, for the simple fact that you are not me.
I am but a lonely piano player, who resides in the corners
of restaurants and blackened old hearts. You, with

glimmering eyes, and mischievous lips, dance barefoot
against the earth, the arches of your feet covered in free-verse.
I do not approach you; you are above me.

And here is something you may have overlooked
One room’s floor is another room’s
ceiling, and while you sway and dance and live and wander

you are inevitably doing so on my dreams. Burdened and breathless,
I sit and watch you move, up in the stars and the night and the
glow of the moon.

I look up and i see Heaven, you look down and you
see Hell. And as you bow your head to pray, just remember,
you are above me.