i want to kiss you until your lips are raw
your mind is so beautiful and i long for it
i never dreamed of having someone like you with me
but now that you're here i want you to stay

You’re the type of person
Who does what he says he’s going to do.
Undeniably, you have changed the lives
Of every person you’ve come in contact with.
Including myself.
You are kind and honest, and you love other people.
You love cats, and you love your family.
You’re the type of person who would help a friend
At three in the morning.
You stand up for what’s right, and you admit when you’re wrong.
You can’t stand to see me cry, but
I am not smart, no offense
I say weird things, no offense
I am weird
I know nothing, and I’m young
I am too reserved
you're friends do not like me, and I'm not the girl everyone
wanted you to be with.
If you asked, “Why do you love me?”
And needed some comfort, reassurance,
I could go on for hours. But when I asked the same,
you answered:
“I don’t know”
As you held my hand, driving to our house-to-be, our wedding-to-be, our life-to-be,
Because I can give you something another girl can’t—
Nothing.

It terrifies me that we only get a limited amount of time with people. And that some people get more time than others who should have. I’m forever envious of those who’ve gotten more time with you than I have. That I may never get to be with you as long as they have. That our time is running out. And I miss you already. And I never want to say goodbye. At first it was slow, late nights in your car and afternoons in my bedroom. But now it feels like it’s happening all at once, like you’re doing a snow angel on my heart and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. Kissing on the sidewalk, holding hands in your coat pocket because I forgot to bring gloves. Wandering around museums and having hard conversations on your couch that make me love you even more; even when the air becomes glass, I can’t stop thinking about how lucky I feel to know you. That there’s no one else like you. My heart aches in your arms and aches when we’re apart. And I just want to be as close to you as possible, for as long as possible, because you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, and I love who I am when I’m with you.

my stomach is in knots
and i feel so sick thinking about you
holding anyone that isn’t me
and i don’t understand why you thought it’d be a good idea
to tell me that you’re falling asleep at night
with another girl in your bed,
even if you’re not kissing her goodnight,
i tried to drown out my sobs all day with
modern vampires of the city on vinyl,
but it still feels like someone
sunk fangs in my lungs

it’s only been a week, the cuts from your nails
from holding my heart so tight
are still fresh
and i never asked you to stop,
i never told you i wanted to try
to be more than friends again,
i never tried to paint your hands red,
but all you could seem to do is defend
yourself and repeat that you’ve done nothing wrong
“you said we’re just friends
you said we’re just friends
you said we’re just friends”

and we are just friends
i just wanted you to understand and acknowledge
that it still hurts

and you can say you’re sorry, you said sorry,
but i’m sure she’s tucked in beneath your sheets right now
and you’re still repeating in your head
i’ve done nothing wrong
i’ve done nothing wrong
i’ve done nothing wrong
we’re just friends
we’re just friends
we’re just friends

and i’m glad you’re comfortable,
i’m glad you know you’ve done nothing wrong,
i’m glad you have someone to hold at night,
i’m glad thoughts of me don’t rip your heart out,
i’m glad you’re okay with being just friends

i’m glad you’re fine,

but, i’m sorry,
i’m not.

if i were to write you, you'd be
misspelled words
sloppy handwriting
slashed out sentences
unformed thoughts
and simple ideas never fully pulled together