Falling all over,
drenched in a rain
that has made you shiver
so long you wouldn't recognize
sun if it fell across the pavement
in front of you. But the sun
always leaves shadows anyway,
so you pick your battles.

Stranded in this sea
my mother says is a just a stream.
You never believed in mutiny, only
making decisions that were
"best for everyone."

And how can I argue with that?

The side character, the bent-in
bottle cap, reducing me to a
bad habit. I know. I said I wasn't
going to do this anymore.
I said a lot of things. I'm sorry.

The crux of it,
I think. I'd rather a noose
hold me up than use you
as a crutch. Shaking our heads
at the kicked-up dust, I never
wanted it to be this way.

I don't have any explanations for you.
I'm just crazy.

after three wildest hours
and forty four raging minutes
sitting up alone
with no witness

how can I quietly sleep
and evade to dream
any thorn-apples, foxholes
mulberry trees

in oddly detailed scenes
and the like sequence of visions
that chase me at will
shredding my precision

I better go somewhere else
but treat me well
when eyes need to rest
electric lights cannot help

so I've burn the cane
tonight on a boggy shore
and pallid fire came
and high above owl roared

i love your constellations.
i wish i was an astronaut.

That was then and now is there
As sister Sara pointed out
We were young and stupid
But our ship harbored no care

The oak was new , fresh the smell
We climbed the rigging
of the mast of life
so fast , so well

"Get down you fools"
The old crusted would say
Seasoned in salt from life's
crashing waves and spray

We just laughed and brayed
Almost depraved
"Get lost old fool"
We were so cruel

We weighed our anchor
and dropped our sails
Little we knew
of the seas of Hell

The distant thunder
lightning's warning
It didn't scare us
Life was ours to plunder

But the oak did gray
It bent and buckled
The rigging's rope broke
some of us tumbled

Beaten and battered
We limped into our ports
There was no laughter
from our fellow cohorts

The crossing is done
Sun seasoned in wear
We are the old fools . . .
That was then and now is there

Hello darkness. Dear old friend.
Sorry it's been such a long time.
I feel like we should catch up, how have you been?
In a bitter sweet way it feels great to feel and see you again.
Its quite odd actually.
The thing is I found love but it told me to get back.  
I apologize she pushed me away from you. Feeling the light again and the wholeness in my heart pushed me away.
It made me numb and shot my body down.  For some reason I just didn't feel alive though even with all the sweetness.
When the wind would blow on my face I felt nothing. Smelling the earths surroundings, soaking in its beautiful water bed, felt plain and blank.
No taste.
She took me away from you and now I'm here to make up for time lost dear old friend.
Now that you are back into my soul and that my heart is a deep abyss I now ironically feel so much more alive.
I live off this pain and use it as my tool make my art. My paint stain on a canvas of lies. My beautiful disaster of lines that I write as we speak, all came from you.
Its good to have you back buddy.
Its good to feel something again.
I promise to stay this time.

I’ve been thinking about God lately
And whats life after death
Because I can’t get past the idea that my existence is confined to just this flesh  
I need to know if god is real
And what heaven to book a room in
Because I would rather sleep in beds with saints
Uncomfortable in sheets that aren’t my own
Rather than be caught up in the eternal damnation of my very own sins
I want to know god
Know god like I know the voice of my lover
And I want to feel gods love like the promise of salvation he wrote in the bible thousands of years ago
Because 80 years in this body isn’t enough for me
Honestly 180 or more wouldn’t make me happy
Because I want to hear the voice of my great grandpas voice again
And my pops
And
I want to see my dog
Plus all the people that will go in my life time
I can’t live with a goodbye I’m not guaranteed
I want to know if God is just some placebo put into place to bring comfort to our souls
Or if I can out my whole life into the blind faith of a man I’ve never met before
And what would eternity be like?
Is it better than leaving a legacy thats starting out as rocky as mine?
Does every day pass like a steady wind
Or does it move slow like snails crawling over blades of grass?
Will we know what forever is?
In heaven can you look down on the souls wondering around below,
Or are you in the constant worship of gods holy presence?
I need the answers to all of these questions
And clarifications for all of the possibilities
And loops holes like reincarnations
Because I’ve been thinking about death lately
And what people believe is inevitable
Because I’ve always believed in the gray muddle between lines
I can get past the idea of black and while
Life and death
God
Or nothing

Acetone*

It wouldn't take
a simple overnight
to have enough of him, now;
You miss him,
isn't that right,
as you tie your shoe laces
and clench your jaw tight.
How long is soon?
The waiting party's over,
your resistance, a deflated balloon.
You're running out of air, silly girl,
too attached with your care.
You're a switch and he flips you
from nothing to everything,
and you're weaponless.
So, do yourself a favour,
and stop counting all the seconds
you've waited for him,
stop wasting your 11:11,
or else when the clock
finally breaks down,
the time might just **** you.