Sitting in the corner, curled up small.
Hiding my face, back to the wall.
Knees pulled up to my chin.
Defences up, letting no one in.

Hiding my shame, hiding my past.
Hiding my hurt, deep in my heart.
Letting no one know me inside.
Letting no one see me cry.

Hiding my hurt, hiding my pain.
Keeping the guilt going, driving me insane.
Feeling *****, feeling used.
I’m so scared and confused.
And lonely.

Copyright: Gordon Warren (1990)

i will *****
your love out

like sweet acid
it lies at the bottom of my stomach
and comes up
triggered by memories
by fleeting moments

the salty love of countless men
lying at the pit for ages
the taste of bitter tears
mixing into
a most cruel of cocktails

i will *****
my sins out

I don't know why I feel this way,
when things should all just feel okay.
Maybe it's my battles with mistrust,
or my constant fight with my own lust.
All these problems I just can't ignore.
My mind's not large enough for them to be stored.
Alone I feel I have to work this out,
nobody here to save me from my own doubt,
again.
I feel so alone again.
I feel as if I have no friend,
where are they now?
I've come to my end again,
this whole time have I been playing pretend, with myself.
And all of you, I think about you all the time,
But when I'm lost and icy you escape my mind.
When the color fades to black and white.
I don't hear any voice from the outside,
nobody with me on such lonely nights,
please take the wrong away from all the right,.
Tears only come out in the dark,
and they're coming straight from my own heart,
They were probably there all from the start,
just hidden away to never show part, of me, again.
I've lost touch with my friends,
at least that's how it feels again,
and I know this ain't the end.
But it smothers me again.
And to all my friend's faces, I miss you.
It's not that I try to forget you,
but it seems that no one want to be around someone so blue.
Though that's never the way I think about all of you,
me and the rest of the world so differently choose, again.
The doubt eats at me again,
attempts to consume me at no end.
And I cannot just pretend I don't miss you.
Bring me back to life, away from this.
To escape from my seemingly perpetual abyss.
I was happy, what had happened.
My mood has changed and all turned saddened.
Probably a lack of human interaction,
Loneliness just don't go well with my satisfaction.
Cause what's the point of walking life if it's a path traveled alone,
yet all the time I know this Earth will never be my home.
Maybe I'm always acting in the shadows of something else,
deep in my mind, afraid to show myself.
If there's nothing else, I'd like to say,
once again I feel like such a cast away.
Left in my own mind, such a vastly place.
And like any room it's much more comfortable to share it,
problem is, it's apparently difficult to comprehend it.
And when you say I'm deep, I'm probably tired of shallow.
And nobody else will, so you're welcome to follow.
I can't be the only one with this design of mind,
and yet I hear of everyone being unique so much of the time.
Yet so much of the response I see is so much the same,
but who am I to be the one to put on a blame.

I'm sorry.
Twas not my finger that pulled a trigger
Nor was it my signature that sealed the fate
Of an exploding bomb delivering destruction,
Death,
Loss,
Pain,
Suffering.
But I'm still sorry.

My sorry eyes have been blind but always teary,
Guilty,
Helpless,
Longing,
I see your pictures and ache to hold you,
Comfort you,
Soothe you,
Help you.
So sorry.

But I tell myself I need a car,
I need to save,
I need to eat,
I need to think of that trip home,
Christmas presents,
Next weekend,
I need the money but
You need to survive and
I need to wake up and instead of being
Sorry,
I need to be helpful.

We all do.

I  
                 F

L
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T
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           E      
S
    H
       A
          P
            E
   O
        F
A

      H
           E
               A
                  R
                     T

                          T
                               H
                                    E
                         ­                N

A

     H
         E
            A
               R
                  T                  I
                        ­                S
W
    O
       R
          T
             H               D
                            R
                        A
       ­             W
                 I
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          G

Smile, smile, smile,
It's all they want you to do,
they don't care what you feel,
they don't care what you'll do.

They just don't want your burdens,
they just dont want to understand,
lucky for me,
their carelessness I withstand.

I am the stranger outside
Watching you in the shower
The monster under your bed
When you're trying to sleep

I am the stalker in the shadows
When you're walking in the street
The fear on the dark corners
You know I'm waiting there

I am the nightmare at night
Those forbidden thoughts in your head
You try to make yourself resist
But you're a prisoner of my will

I am the coming *******
As you fall to your submission
The surrendering to completion
At last, you face exactly who I am

How could you do this to me?
Not only did you lie to me,
You manipulated me --
Twisting your words
Until it was what you thought I wanted to hear.
All I ever wanted was the truth!
You destroyed me --
When I found you'd lied,
Nothing else made sense
Your words were all the same,
Sugar coated just to benefit yourself.
Not one thing you did was for me!
And now, I doubt you --
I doubt you ever had true love for me.
Everything you claim is real,
How do I know it's no different than before?
When you said it over and over again,
Digging your own grave,
With each and every sentence,
How do I know you're not just lying again?
How could you do this to me,
Making me doubt myself and everyone around me.