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Ana S May 2016
Heart pounding
Thought racing
I haven't felt this way since I was with Chae.
This strange human.
Amazing human.
I have no words to describe her.
Everything is flawless about her.
Her flaws I find beautiful.
What the hell is wrong with me.
Could I be thrown into this again?
Could it actually work out?
God I hope so.
Until then we will never know
Ana S May 2016
Glass cracks.
No glue can put it back together.
No rope can reconnect the pieces.
You can't touch the shards.
Unless
You
Want
To
Cut
Your
Fingers
Open
Bleed endlessly.
Glass hurts.
It bites hard.
You flinch. Your cry.
When glass bites
Ana S May 2016
I haven't been sleeping.
Every night at 3 I wake up.
For a week now.
This is bad.
This is mania.
Mania is coming.
I need to get sick.
Need to get away from people I can hurt.
Mania makes me sick.
Mania is worse than depression.
Mania gives me the feeling of flying.
The feeling of greatness.
I don't want to hurt Emily.
I can't hurt Emily in manias grip.
Please don't let me hurt you.
I beg.
I will try to push everyone away.
Mania makes me social.
As soon as mania begins to leave my body depression takes over unless I get lucky.
If I'm lucky I'll be normal.
Neither will take charge of my body and I will have control for a bit.
Rianna says be yourself.
How can I be myself when I'm controlled by two little things.
I'm not mania.
I'm not depression.
They latch onto me and control my every move.
I can't be myself in their present.
I'm going to be social.
Then it will change and I will have extreme anxiety.
This is bipolar.
Bipolar.
Mania.
Depression.
My bunk mates.
My new buddies.
Yet old friends.
Controlling.
Me...
Mania depression perfection pain
Ana S May 2016
Me talking to humans is like an ostrich flying.
I talked to Rianna about this yesterday.
she told me I was an odd human.
I told her indeed very strange.
Stranger than most.
Then we talked. Very interesting conversation adopt the female kind and ostriches and flying.
All relating back to humans.
The only human I can talk to in person easily is Emily. I just have trouble approaching  her.
****...
That's really bad.
I can talk to someone but can't go up to them.
I can approach some girls but can't talk to them without stuttering.
Rianna approached me one day and randomly asked what's good?
I just stared blankly.
Felt like an idiot.
I can't talk!!!!!
Talking is not a talent that comes easy to me.
That's okay though.
I can observe.
It's okay.
I'm sure humans love me the way i am.
Even if I'm silence.
That's okay.
I'm okay.
For once in a long time I'm okay.
Don't know if it was the girl yesterday or a rush of mania.
Yes it could be mania.
Mania pushing me high.
This is where I'm dangerous.
I get mean when mania takes over me.
I change when mania holds me close.
Mania makes me social and unafraid because I have it to fear.
The effects it will have on me.
Mania strangles the depression then goes for me.
Mania is not good.
A conversation with a girl leading to mania (Note to Em: rianna is not the girl. I only talk to her sometimes.)
Ana S May 2016
Strangers.
She is something strange.
Strange but interesting.
Dark dark hair.
Black hair.
Dark eyes.
Dark dark eyes.
Brown eyes.
We talked all evening.
Really reconnected since I got locked up.
We hadn't talked for a while.
We spoke of life.
      Sisters                            Girlfriends
Drinking                          Drugs
Self harming                   Overdosing
Love                                 Pain
Boys                                 Girls
Her                                   Me
Hair dye                          Blue eyes
The good                         The bad
Life                                   Life
And most of all past
The stuff we used to do.
We spoke of change.
Of unstableness.
Suicide
Pain
We got everything out.
We talked about ex girlfriends.
No we are not strangers.
Yes a strange friendship.
But not strangers.
Both of us know more about one another than nearly anyone else.
Stay safe strange human.
Friendships from strangers
Ana S May 2016
I began.
Shutting everyone out.
Running
Run
R
U
N
N
I
N
G
From the truth.
I can't
E
S
C
A
P
E
Death.
I will die anyways.
Bring on death.
The
Sooner
The
Better
Death
Ana S May 2016
Yea it can be valued.
Yea it can hurt.
It's not always good criticism.
people can pick you apart for every little flaw.
That outfit makes you look like a boy.
Didn't know there were standards for dressing.
Mum I can start dressing exposed and female like.
Start going out in nothing at all.
How's that for female.
Just kidding.
I would never be able to walk out exposed and yeah no.
Randomness
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