Ana S

Ana S Apr 2016

I've wrote a poem about her before.
Never had enough words.
Can't figure out what to say.
Day by day.
She is the light.
The last person I text at night.
She is the only person I trust.
When my family turned to dust.
Yes there is my girlfriend.
She's really something.
To young to really understand bipolar.
I don't want to hurt her.
I don't want to be a murderer.
Like with Chae.
I still think of her everyday.
Blame myself for her addiction.
Blame myself for her pain.
Thought racing through my brain.
Would I be better dead.
Thoughts racing through my head.
I am going to pull the trigger.
Just not yet.
I'll wait til everyone who lives leaves.
Like everyone else I've ever loved.

I want to die

#love #suicide #dead #past #selfharm

Ana S Apr 2016

Sleep

Sleep tight little angel.
Sleep tight my sweet nightingale.
Let the dark cast over you.
Let your body decide what to do.
Curled up and asleep.
Dry your tears that you no longer weep.
Stay strong my young love.
Don't cry my white dove.
I know it's hard.
I know I cut my wrists with a shard.
Shard from the mirror I looked into.
I am insecure.
Never really here.
I'm too fat.
I scratch my skin until I scream stop doing that.
Dried blood lines my wrists.
All my friends ask why I wear long sleeves.
Maybe someday they will see.
Red lines.
Ever so fine.
Tears in my eyes.
Tears as my soul cries.
Yes people love me.
Something I can barely see.
Her touch is healing.
The only good feeling.
But until then I cry.
And die inside.

A dead soul

#love #cutting #depressed #dead #suicidal #someone

Ana S Apr 2016

Someone new

Yes I've known you for a while.
Yes you are one of the few who have made me smile.
Your bleach blonde hair.
Roaming the halls with you there.
Getting in trouble together over the summer.
Going to lunch with each other.
The lunch was bad.
But it was all we had.
We had each other and that was all that mattered.

Past and future

#love #future #relationships #time #past #fun #ana

Ana S Apr 2016

Invisible or unstopable.

One day I woke up invisible.
I though how unnatural.
Indeed it was strange.
Wierd when I had to change.
I decided I would go to school.
But soon decided I was a fool.
Nobody cared I was gone.
I wondered if anyone wonders what was wrong.
I thought they would care.
Care that I wasn't there.
They just went on with their days.
All to my dismay.
I saw what people really thought.
Then my mind fought.
See she never loved you.
Now what will you do?
They are talking bad.
Making me sad.
Only invisible.
Words always unstoppable.

Invisible for a day

#sad #depression #happy #invisible

Ana S Apr 2016

To church with her

Short stories 1

I sat there in the church staring at the ground. My breath was shaky and I was nervous. She sat beside me. Her eyes stared attentively toward the preacher. She told me God would help me. I told her that she helped me and made me want to live everyday. She had shown me life and shown me pain. Both sides of perfection and imperfection.

A short story

#love #short #friendship #story #church

Ana S Apr 2016

My friend Em

So I guess I will right a poem about my best friend.
Her name is Em.
We go to church Wednesday nights.
Last time she sat towards my right.
She always has something interesting to say.
Is entertaining on boring days.
The first person I text in the morning.
Sometimes she writes first without warning.
She's the last person I text at night.
She helped show me the light.
Filled up my depressed life.
Never picked up a backstabbing knife.
Yes I completely trust her.
She makes me want to walk into the light further.
In a world full of hate and crime.
She makes everything alright and fine.
Yes she is Emily.
All to wish a friend could be.
I would never ask her to change.
Her mind need not rearrange.
She is perfect the way she is.
Thank you so much miss.
You crazy woman who stuck by my side.
Even when I was terrified.
I had been scared that you would judge but you never did.
You make me smile like a little kid.
Thanks for being there.
You with the short hair.
I wait for you every day.
But wordless I can never figure out what to say.
I guess that's okay though.
All I know.
Is your my friend Emily.
You are someone who actually sees.
Right through my shield.
Seeing what's real.
Thank you again.
I love you you crazy woman!!!

For a friend who means so much to me.

#love #friendship #hearts #personal

Ana S Apr 2016

A crush

Controlling.
My thoughts always rolling.
Yeah I can be a bit crazy.
Never any maybe.
I don't need help.
Never going to yelp.
Even though I scream inside.
The real fears I hide.
Her, she is everything.
Everything who will never be.
Never be mine.
I guess we can see with time.
Maybe in the end.
Everything might work out.
Until then I wait.
I love you.

To a friend

#love #pain #girls