i keep everything.
little moments of happiness in a box beneath my bed,
ready for me to glimpse at when the tears arrive.
the receipt from my first date,
the lipstick i was wearing when i had my first kiss,
the photo from that first party,
the ticket to the first concert i went to.
as i look at each moment,
stroke the printed band name
and run my hands over the faces of those i love most,
i can still see it all.
the laughs,
the smiles,
the loud music.
i pick up the photo
and i feel his hand round my waist again,
immediately transported back
to that night
beneath the beautiful stars,
our lips pressed together and our bodies entwined.
i glance at the ticket
and my ears ring with the memory
of dancing
and flashing lights
and jumping over the ripples of notes.
i keep everything
because it makes me happy.
i will forever have those moments with me,
and i will never let go.

i’m tired of feeling
like i wanna die
all the time
it makes me feel
sick inside because
i wanna be here for you
and i wanna keep
holding your hand
but i feel so blue
all the time
i don’t know how
to keep staying alive

i don’t want help anymore
i tried and tried but
nothing ever saved me
and i cried and cried
because i still
wanna die
i love you so much but
i wanna say goodbye
yet still stay by your side

i waste everyday
“living my life”
but i sit here and
wonder what it would be like
if i took my own life
i wish i could get better
but i’m permanently stuck
losing my mind
to the sadness that fills
the blood in my veins
which goes directly
to my brain

You are made of honey, sunlight and fire.
Fire that heats me, boiling my insides.
As your honey drizzles, I slowly fade to a simmer.
Your sun shines on me, kissing my skin, leaving freckle like marks of warmth.
Warmth like the mug of coffee I wrap my hands around, inside the black liquid, my reflection smiles at me.
A smile that has been placed on my lips by you.
You are the colours of the sky, as we say our farewell to the ball of light shining upon our world.
And you are the feeling bubbling just at my chest, as I stare at dancing flames, a soft blanket across my legs, light pitter-pattering of rain on my windowsill.
I find my thoughts consumed by your eyes. Brown, gold and green all at once. Like little lakes in a fairy's garden.
Oh, I find myself at home, in you.

You could say
That I beat your name
Into most of the day
Usually pointless thoughts
Or sometimes detailed ideas
That you make come alive
If only you were here
For longer than this trite of hope  

You could even say
How madly in love I've been
With the thought that my head
Creates for us to blend
Or maybe it's this insane trend
I've started, falling in love
With the friend
Who doesn't notice
Our mouths are too close
To speak truths
That we once wrote