Amashi de Mel

Amashi de Mel Dec 2015

Loneliness is sometimes Tangible.
And by tangible I mean, Tangible.
Alive!
And not just existing but Living.
Here right now,
touching me,
feeling me up,
clasping my mouth,
with another hand around my waist.
So my cries go unheard,
and tiredness overwhelms me.
I

Give

In.
Loneliness, him?
He’s real alright-
he’s worse than the monster under the bed-
because he is the monster on the bed
suffocating me to sleep with him.

And despite a long hard struggle,
I

Give

In.

I hear him too, laughing in my ear,
while his heavy arms wrap me.
And he smiles,
watching me tear
says all will be better
‘there’s nothing more you can do sweets’

half a day passes and I realize
he is right,
so I do what I can do,
I

Give

In.

Loneliness, sad, scared,

Amashi de Mel Nov 2015

The Choice

A choice.
Was it right?

A journey of emotions,
Sometimes a stuggle to live by-

But it was OUR choice,

For the struggle gave us strength,
And we grew to know
and still know,

our choice,
To love?

is LOVE

For once,
the right choice.

#love #her #him #me #truelove #rawlove

Amashi de Mel Oct 2015

Strange

Strange, that with him
Every crowded room seems
Like it is just him and me.
And
Strange,that without him
No matter how big the crowd
I always feel alone.

#love #raw

Amashi de Mel Oct 2015

Alone Times

The inevitable,
Yet, needed much.
Not as appreciated-
But not ignored.

I had craved to be the girl who,
In a corner read a book,
I though not her, am like her,
But writing instead.

I am content that these times
Have led me to a lottery of words,
As I type each one,
One of my emotions, win.

Alone times are not the best,
But I've never regretted,
For I'd rather write words that stick
Than have conversations that don't.

But then I guess it is not as inevitable,
For I need it more than I think,
So I therefore will appreciate it
And to keep my soul content -will always have
Maybe just a few,
A few,
Alone times.

#peace #alone #happiness #quiet #calm

Amashi de Mel Sep 2015

Roller Coaster

As I pack my luggage
With posters, quotes of motivation
in my little black book of faith,
I tell myself I can.

Despite knowing that in no time
I embark on
Seclusion and loneliness-
On an ineffable ride of a Roller Coaster.

Taking my emotions for the longest ride
Through its loops, loops & loops
and it's ups and downs-
Making me sick.

Sick with the thought of it being
Just only two weeks of a semester
With many more to complete,
Alone.

I fantasise daily, of when
life will stop controlling this and,
A day I could get out
And end this ride.

#depression #pain #relationships #sorrow #emotions #distance #loneliness #long #agony

Amashi de Mel Sep 2015

Tonight

I was my only answer,
My only source of resources.
My listener,
My advicer.

I was also my worst enemy.

I got myself into a deep pit and realized there was no one to blame, but my self.

#regret #loss #sorrow #selfish #stupidity

Amashi de Mel Sep 2015

The night before

Tonight no dogs barked
no twigs snapped
and no shadows lurked in corners unseen.

Yet in her,
fear built,
with thoughts of that night -
some nights ago,
only intensifying.

Her faith reminded her
that harm was far-
despite the scar,
and
it’s all over.

yet tonight confirmed,
that last night,
when at twelve-
the twigs snapped, the branches shook and the dogs barked
her thoughts –intense

Were right.

#fear #scared #night #uncertainty #intense