There is something beautiful about two sad people who agree to hurt each other.
Something comforting.
It is a comfort only very damaged people understand- the tacit agreement to cause pain, and to receive it.
Pleasure is for people who have what they want.
But for those of us who are starving, ours is best peppered with suffering.
Being with someone who understands that carries its own worth-
I don't want you to make me feel good.
I couldn't stand it if you did.
I don't want you to touch me gently, or ask if I'm alright, or stop to look into my eyes.
I am starving, and so are you: I want your teeth.
I want you to make me hurt. And I want to hurt you.
I want you to hurt me because I'm not him, and I want to hurt you because you're not her.
We want to see each other suffer because we are starving and we need to feel that someone else is.
Don't hold back. I want you to lower me because I'm too good for her.
Don't love me, don't caress me. Dig your nails in. Drip candlewax on my stomach.
One step down from torture is all I can stand in the way of human connection, when it isn't her.
Punish me for looking at her like a baleful puppy tonight, even as you waited in my room with your soft skin and your sharp teeth.
There is nothing you can do that will be too violent, too brutal, too sadistic.
I don't want to be loved right now.
I am too raw.
I want to be touched. I want to be ruined. Leave marks. Smear lipstick.
Lower me because I am
Too
****
Good for her.
Let this heart know on no uncertain terms that its needs don't matter.
Help me **** it. Help me pin my demons to the bed and make them writhe, and I will do the same for you.
Let's exorcise our loves tonight and banish them to hell.
Let's tell our skin that it is irrelevant.
Let's say "*******" to the things that bind us. I will cut your heart out for him.
I will kiss your scars, not to heal them but to remind you that when you put them there you fought for something, something we both fight for now.
Hurt me. Fight her. Do it for her.
Do it for her because I'm not good enough to hurt.
Do it for her because I'm TOO good to hurt.
Crush me.
You could boil me alive and it wouldn't make up for her, so at least leave me bruised.  
I will give you what you need, and you will give me what I need: not love, but contact.
Please,
Let my heart know on no uncertain terms that its needs
Don't
Matter.

There is something beautiful about two sad people who agree to hurt each other.

The reason why I love you
Must be because I hate myself.
I know, this time and place doesnt help.
But baby this is worse
than any pain I've ever felt

You're killing me slowly  
day by day
I bleed
and my wounds remain unknit,
to spill my guts to the floor to
leave me open
stranded

He watches from aside,
As I kiss his picture
and take my own life
I wonder if he'd even cry
If he had watched me die

Tell her she's beautiful
Make sure you tell her every day
Even if she's in her sloppiest sweats and her baggiest sweater
Tell her she's beautiful
And mean it
She won't believe you
But never stop reminding her

Do your best to make her laugh
God she's beautiful when she's laughing
The way her nose wrinkles and her eyes squint
And when she shows that smile
You'll wish she'd never stop

Hold her tight when she cries
She hates showing it
When she has no one else be the one to hold her together
Make sure she never breaks
Squeeze her tight
Let her mascara ruin your shirt
Kiss her on the head let her know
It's going to be okay

She'll wake you up from naps
Just because she wants to spend time with you awake
She'll call you when she's drunk
Because she doesn't know whats going on and needs to hear your voice
She's going to love bothering you
All because she thinks it's cute when you're mad

She makes funny noises at the most inappropriate times
And she dances around the house and pretends to know what she's doing
She's a child sometimes I swear
But you'll learn to love it

Pick her up and kiss her
Kiss her
Like it's the last time
Every time
Look into her eyes
God she has gorgeous eyes
When you try she'll look away because she's shy
But should you get the chance
You'll fall deeper every time

Remind her you love her
And show her with every way possible
Sometimes she'll doubt it
But that's never an excuse to stop
Do whatever you can to put the doubts to rest

She can be a handful
Sometimes a bit too much
But never let her go

Sincerely
A painful memory

They asked me why I keep saying that I'm heartless. I told them it's a long story. But I saw the eagerness in their eyes. So I said that it all started the last time I fell in love. When I'm in love, I give my whole life. When I give my whole life, I mean literally everything. There are no walls, no boundaries, no space in between will keep me and my love apart.

I fought the most terrible wars and survived all emotional storms and droughts. I sailed all seas and climbed all mountains for the sake of love. I held on so tight to the rope connecting me and the one I cherish the most. I rode all traveling trains and skipped all stops. It was nothing but magical. Every morning was a glory and every night was a sweet dream.

I was so in love that I cared too much. I cared too much that I left my physical body on the ground while my spirit flew to the sky. I jumped from clouds to clouds following you like the moon to the sun. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you.

But I was a prisoner of love. I loved you so much I became selfless. One day, I asked myself If I really did fully figured you out. Sometimes when I look at you, you give a smile that wasn't genuine at all. You were like a strange mountain no one has ever discovered yet. Were you not comfortable to show your bare self to me that you kept putting bricks to form a wall?

I was dumb enough to think I could dig you up with my rusted shovel. I always hoped that the everyday love I offered you will give you sunrises not sunsets. But as you took them, all I could see was your hungry soul eating all positive energies. You were blue like a cloudless sky.

I felt like the wine bottle you drank from each day. I slowly became empty. I was never refilled.  And they say that saints and heroes are the only martyrs and for the first time in my life I felt like one. Strange how my only motivation was a flag with an inscription of the word love.

Do you remember that very night when you asked me to let you go? It hurt me even more. I've been spending all my time just thinking about you. I loved you too much. But was that it? Was it because I loved you too much? Was it that you couldn't handle it? You never told me the reason. I watched as you readied yourself for the coming war that would end all city fires. You shattered all glasses in my shelves once you turned your back at me. I waited for you to utter your last words but you never did. You walked away like a member of a funeral band. I was left standing with now a hopeless dream. It was too late when I noticed that you were holding a cloth in your hands. I didn't know what was inside until I watched my hands unconsciously hold onto my chest. At that moment, I fell on the cold ground and swam on my own blood. You took my heart with you. You stole it from me.

Before I closed my eyes that day, I swore to never love again. But why would I love? I am now heartless. My chest is now empty. I can never love anyone again.

People like you come and go. I never knew that your true form was a thief with a black coat. You steal hearts and leave.