It’s cold, dark, scary.
Suffocating
Waves crushing on me

It hurts stings
Buries
My chest underwater

I can’t breathe.
You are over me and under me
And I can’t come back up

But then you let loose.
The water warms up
And the pressure leaves my heart.

It doesn’t hurt anymore,
Now you carry me,
Make me float

Singing me to sleep,
And it feels perfect,
And I know everything is going to be all right

Until the next storm comes.

I should have known that everyone was right,
But I wanted so desperately to believe,
That maybe you could actually care,
Its only myself I had to deceive.

I was blinded with hope and happiness,
My dreams were starting to come true,
But I wasnt worth any sacrifice,
Guess I didn't mean that much to you.

My heart feels lost, but still intact,
While hurting you don't feel,
This emptiness inside of me,
Just doesnt seem to be real.

I shouldve known from the beginning,
You would end up making me cry,
I just wish you would have told me:
That our last kiss was our final kiss goodbye.

"Why didn't I"
"What's wrong with me"

It was then
The perfect time
The perfect place
It was there
Next to him
So close that just by reaching
A hand
My voice
He would have faced me

It all stopped
Froze
Those words pushing to come out
My voice urging for his body to listen
For it to happen
For whispering
For speaking
For screaming
Those important words
Those powerful words
Capable of change, truth, love

They died
And the moment slipped away
And he looked at his right
Far away
From my eyes
And my voice
And my words
So ready to come out
But stayed inside instead
Crushing my heart
With the weight of regret

I am over you
that's what I keep telling myself
every day and every minute

But I can't help myself
from seeing you in every place
and every single small thing

That somehow reminds me of you
like the colour of the earth in your eyes
and the sound of life in your laugh

Every day and every minute

I am Okay - A Slam Poem

I am okay.
Three simple words, such hypocrite words.
How are you?
You ask me, not even caring
not even knowing about who I am
what I am, how I feel.
How could you know?
I don’t blame you.
I don’t blame my eyes that can’t meet yours,
staring at the floor because I can’t lie to others
as much as I can lie to myself.

I am okay.
I answer, forcing a shaking little smile on a white crumbling face,
pinching my cheeks to make them look red
because red means life and life means joy.
I am okay.
I could be, but I’m not.

How could you know? Inside I’m
collapsing aching bending
withering, a flower in the winter
too tired to try to keep alive, fading
slowly falling onto the dry cold land.
But that you can’t see.
I am a knight, with a shining silver
fake smile on a pale perfect face and
my lies as a sword protecting me from words.

I am okay. But how could you know?
How could you not see?
My body is a facade that looks perfect to the eyes
but when you put a little pressure
with your trembling tempting hand,
cracks open, wounds show, black
dark blood runs cold out of the rifts
But you don’t even notice it because
who would pay attention to black blood
on a black floor, uniforming and blending,
it’s invisible unnoticeable
I don’t blame you.

Because after all I answered you,
with timid voice
and quiet eyes:
I am okay.