"You're not depressed," your ignorant mind speaks
Telling me there's no proof
Not a single piece of evidence
That I am depressed

Excuse me?
What proof is necessary?
Do you want me to ramble on about the days I cried alone
In my bedroom comforting my own?
Do you want me to discuss the many ways I harmed myself?
I cut, I scratched, I picked at my flesh
I bit, I smacked, I punched myself
Bruising my skin so sore
That I felt it as I walked

Do you want me to tell you about my suicidal ideation?
Thoughts and prompts of firearms, pills, and suffocation
And how to use it effectively
On myself?

Do you want me to tell you how worthless I felt?
That I punished myself for every tiny mistake
And never felt worthy in others' presences
That I can hardly keep eye contact
Because I'm so self-conscious?

Tell me, what proof do you need?
Because I know **** well
I'm depressed
I feel it pulsing through my mind, heart, and soul
I feel it picking at my heart
As if I'm an instrument
I feel it with every thought
That comes to my mind
I feel it with every step I take
And every breath I inhale

How is that for evidence?

Everyone tells you to never give up your dreams
But I am one of those dropouts
Of that philosophy it seems
I used to repeat that inspiration in my head as I drew
Pictures and pictures of things I decided were not good
At least not good enough to achieve my perfect future Where everyone is in awe of my work
And gushes about me over and over

I decided that my paintings would have to remain in the garbage
Where I believed they deserved to be
Because I had a shortage
Of belief in me
And what I thought I could be
I need money to survive
So I'll give up what I love
For a life of financial consistency

But whether or not my dreams ever come to fruition
I'm going to say what everyone else did
And tell my children and grandchildren
To never give up their dreams
While I throw away my last paintings and drawings in the trash
I pray that they will get what I never had
A dream that came true
And a job they love to do

It started as a puncture,
but the seam slowly ripped;
a thimble can't protect
from a poison needle tip.

She tried to mend it
by making more holes;
the tear only grew
and grew out of control.

At the spinning wheel
her life would quickly dwindle;
frantic attempts to hem
were depleting the spindle.

What started as a puncture
of seductive sedation
fueled the abuse
of machined perforation.

"Don't mourn a living corpse"
were the last words she said
as she drew the needle
that held the last thread.

I tell myself that this is it,
when the day is done.
When I wake I'll start anew,
but tomorrow never comes.

Tomorrow becomes today
more quickly than the last,
more quickly than the bottles empty
more weeks and months go past.

I buy the drink, the drink buys me
another day to run.
The demons waiting patiently
for when the day is done.

Tomorrow becomes today;
I waste it like before,
I waste it getting wasted,
but I'm wasting so much more

My friends, my health, my family
and those I cherish most;
watch the boy they used to love,
becoming just a ghost.

Tomorrow becomes today,
I may have missed it all,
I may have missed the last chance
just to never miss last call

I tell myself that this is it
when the day is done,
but the circle remains unbroken
and tomorrow never comes.

How am I supposed to say no to my addiction
If I don't even have the strength to get up?
When I see no future in any direction?

How am I supposed to control myself
When I see no point in living?
When my life loses all meaning?

How do I say no?

"Why are you so stupid?"
I'm sorry
I really tried to understand it

"Even pre-schoolers know how to do this!"
I'm sorry
I don't know what it is
To me
It's just a blurry image  

"It's like I'm talking to a wall!"
I'm sorry
I'm trying to understand it all
But it's just mush
In my mind

"You don't know how to do this? I've already taught you this! How could you forget?"
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
Please teach it again
It just won't stick in my head!

"You don't know something as simple as this? Come on!"
I'm sorry
My mind must be gone
I'll try to remember this time
I swear

"They're so stupid."
(I'm sorry)
(I'm really trying...)
(I'm really trying to understand)

"I don't know why they can't just understand. It's so simple!"
I'm sorry
It's not a simple matter for me
It's a jumble of words
That make no sense to me

I wish I could be smart
But all I'll ever be
Is an idiot
I get it
Now I see
Leave this fool
I'll never get it anyway