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234 · Nov 2019
unfortunately
babie Nov 2019
when you hugged me for the first time
i never wanted you to let go
i just wanted you to hold me
for the rest of time
unfortunately
that isn't possible
when you kissed me for the first time
i didn't want you to stop
i just wanted you to kiss me
for the rest of time
unfortunately
that isn't possible
that isn't possible
212 · Nov 2019
therapy
babie Nov 2019
i can finally tell her
she will know i'm happy
but i can't forget
the things that hurt me
i must tell her
i don't want to
what if she worries
what if she tells someone
confidentiality,
right?
...right?
128 · Nov 2019
grief
babie Nov 2019
there are five stages of grief
I experienced all of them
all five
at the exact same time
denial-
we will get back together
he treated me so well
we were so happy
we're just taking a break
anger-
I hate him
he lied to me
he lied to everyone
if only
if only i would've given him more
if only I would've given him me
if only I would've fought harder
depression-
suicide?
no.
yes?
maybe.
I can't stand myself
disgusting
I felt disgusting
acceptance-
okay.
I don't need him
I never did
he did hurt me
how had I not seen it before?
he hurt me
he tried to **** me
it's been months
and I just now noticed
what he really did
there's another stage of grief,
separate from acceptance
moving on-
moving on
to bigger and better things
let's get happy
let's find happiness
grief hurts
but moving on feels great
feels great
125 · Nov 2019
toujours
babie Nov 2019
je t'aime.
tu es mon monde,
toujours.
est-ce que tu m'amour?
je sais que tu le fais.
un jour, j'aurai votre nom de famille.
i'
83 · Nov 2019
Untitled
babie Nov 2019
im
always
tired
how do i make it through every day?
i cry
and i cry a lot
but
i love
and i love a lot
i hug
and i hug,
a lot.
did you know that we need 12 hugs a day
in order to grow?
i give hugs to the people i love
and i make sure to tell them
that i love them.
because what if,
in just a moment
they're gone?
they won't know that i love them.
they must know that i love them.
i can't show them nearly enough love,
but i can try.
I love my friends so much holy moly
77 · Nov 2019
not just i
babie Nov 2019
it took awhile
but i did it
can you believe it
i found someone
someone who cares
one-sided?
not anymore
equal
we, us.
not just i.
"i love you"
you don't know
how happy you make me
when you hold me
i'm finally home
home is not a place
home is a person
home is you
i am lucky.
we are lucky.
not just i.
finally
babie Nov 2019
he touched me
in ways i didn't want him to
but i fought back
which he wasn't expecting.
i couldn't be mean to him
no matter how bad i wanted to
i wasn't having fun
but i know he was

and yes,
consent is still necessary in relationships.
and just because i didn't yell at him then,
doesn't mean i wasn't angry.
and yes, i said no.
loud and clear.
he didn't take no for an answer.
he told me
"it's all about what you're comfortable with."
then he had the audacity to do that to me?

he got on top of me when i didn't want him to.
he did things to me that i didn't want him to.
I'm glad my mom came when she did.
who knows what he would've done next?

and no, it's not nearly as bad as some people's situations,
but it's my experience, and i can't get it out of my head.

i hate him, i do.
i don't want to hate him anymore.
but he didn't just hurt me.
he hurt her.
and i won't stand for that.
she almost took her own life because of him.
i hate him, i do.

sometimes I get so angry
that I can't breathe.
sometimes I get so angry
that I want to cry,
but I can't.

I used to fear nothing.
I never flinched,
I never jumped,
but now,
I flinch,
and I jump.
he never hit me,
but I always felt like he would.
every time I went to hug him
he'd pull back,
and give me this look.
this look of confusion.

the second time, we were hanging out with my friends.
we were all in the bathroom because it was hot outside.
then they left.
why would they leave me alone with him?
I've never confronted them about it.
after all, they didn't know what he'd done.
he pushed me up against a wall,
trying to get me into a stall.
i told him no.
i. told. him. no.
he slipped his hand up my shirt.
I still told him no.
he shut the stall and locked it.
I still told him no.
I even fought back.
but he overpowered me.
he was bigger than me.

I'm glad my mom came when she did.

the worst thing is,
that I didn't realize what he did to me
until after he left me.
why didn't I leave?
I was in love.
that ******* idiot made me fall in love with him.
can you believe that?
so basically, my mom saved me from being *****.
71 · Nov 2019
secrets
babie Nov 2019
i've kept secrets
so many secrets
everyone else's
everyone else's but mine
an open book
everyone
knows
everything
im vulnerable
but i truly hope
nobody takes advantage
of me,
and my emptiness
this sounds sadder then i intended
68 · Nov 2019
we were
babie Nov 2019
i was hurting
so much
i had just been in a relationship
full of manipulation and emotional abuse
and then i was left
left to believe that it was my fault
left to stay silent about my experience
one-sided
i gave him every piece of me
every milliliter of my love
every second of my time
i failed all of my classes
all for him
i did everything for him
i never stopped thinking of him
why did he do that
how did he do that
he didn't just hurt me
he hurt her, too
she, that stunning being
with a beautiful soul
and an open heart.
her heart was scarred
but she still let him back in with open arms
she was hurting
so much
she couldn't love him again
neither could i
we couldn't love him
but
we were hurting
so much
im okay now i promise
61 · Jun 2020
hold my hand
babie Jun 2020
as delta rae said,
oh baby.
it's a long way down
to the bottom of the river,
hold my hand

as she looks me in the eyes
and tells me to run
i look at her
realizing that this
this is what life really is

life is terribly unbearable
however
it is incredibly beautiful at the same time
those moments
with your favorite people
where you stop breathing
because you're so happy

moments like these are what i live for
hold my hand
oh baby
it's a long way down to the bottom of the river
delta rae was right
but sometimes
the bottom of the river isn't where you find death
sometimes
it's where you find life
happiness
or love.

the bottom of the river is only bad if you make it that.
so don't let the bottom of your river be the end
let it be the beginning
random word spitting bc of a tik tok song lol
57 · Jun 2020
b.
babie Jun 2020
b.
he hurt you, baby.
but you go back.
you should go back.

but
if he hurts you again,
you best believe
that
i wont stand for it

so
he better
be careful
tip-toe
whisper
be gentle

because
if he's not
you know
we wont let him get away with it
you know who you are
we know who we are
be careful b.
b. careful.
this is dedicated to another best friend of mine. you know who you are<3
47 · Nov 2019
rant
babie Nov 2019
i feel like im out of my body
and i know what that's called, but
there's nothing wrong with me, of course.

sometimes i don't want to be awake.
sometimes i feel so alive that i can't catch my breath.

i'm never home unless I'm with him.
which means
I'm almost never home.
just some ranting, I'm all good
40 · Jun 2020
platonic love
babie Jun 2020
you and i.
you truly can't have one without the other.
this is for you
my first love
my first heartbreak

thank you
for putting me through that
for making me feel that
for giving me that experience.

i wouldn't be me without you,
and you wouldn't be you without me.

we don't talk too much anymore,
but when we do
it's always the most fun

thank you for always being there for me
i honestly don't think i'd be here without you
you're the best

ps. tell your brother i said hi<3
u know who u are
35 · Jun 2020
belle.
babie Jun 2020
healing is really,
really hard.
but have you tried it?
have you really,
really tried?

i know what you’re thinking,
“of course I’ve tried.”
but just think.
what have you tried?
therapy? probably not.
self-care? probably not.
exercise? probably not.
eating healthy?
probably.
not.

probably not.
when you think
“will I ever be okay without them?”
what’s your answer?
probably not?
definitely not?
no?

well you’re wrong.
life goes on.
whoever you are.
whoever they are.
if they hurt you,
they
ain't
****.

2020 hurt you?
yeah.
it hurt everyone.
get over it.
it will get better.
life goes on.
you will be fine.
this is for one of my best friends. she ain't ****, dude.
26 · Jun 2020
his
babie Jun 2020
his
his hair
dark and soft
i run my fingers through it, and he smiles.

his eyes
their diamond color
they send me to a different dimension.

his nose
a cute little button
with a little dent, which makes it more perfect.

his cheeks
i always want to hold them,
for they are a perfect place for my hands to go.

him
the love of my life.
thank you for giving the world color again.
i love you.

— The End —