he touched me
in ways i didn't want him to
but i fought back
which he wasn't expecting.
i couldn't be mean to him
no matter how bad i wanted to
i wasn't having fun
but i know he was

and yes,
consent is still necessary in relationships.
and just because i didn't yell at him then,
doesn't mean i wasn't angry.
and yes, i said no.
loud and clear.
he didn't take no for an answer.
he told me
"it's all about what you're comfortable with."
then he had the audacity to do that to me?

he got on top of me when i didn't want him to.
he did things to me that i didn't want him to.
I'm glad my mom came when she did.
who knows what he would've done next?

and no, it's not nearly as bad as some people's situations,
but it's my experience, and i can't get it out of my head.

i hate him, i do.
i don't want to hate him anymore.
but he didn't just hurt me.
he hurt her.
and i won't stand for that.
she almost took her own life because of him.
i hate him, i do.

sometimes I get so angry
that I can't breathe.
sometimes I get so angry
that I want to cry,
but I can't.

I used to fear nothing.
I never flinched,
I never jumped,
but now,
I flinch,
and I jump.
he never hit me,
but I always felt like he would.
every time I went to hug him
he'd pull back,
and give me this look.
this look of confusion.

the second time, we were hanging out with my friends.
we were all in the bathroom because it was hot outside.
then they left.
why would they leave me alone with him?
I've never confronted them about it.
after all, they didn't know what he'd done.
he pushed me up against a wall,
trying to get me into a stall.
i told him no.
i. told. him. no.
he slipped his hand up my shirt.
I still told him no.
he shut the stall and locked it.
I still told him no.
I even fought back.
but he overpowered me.
he was bigger than me.

I'm glad my mom came when she did.

the worst thing is,
that I didn't realize what he did to me
until after he left me.
why didn't I leave?
I was in love.
that ******* idiot made me fall in love with him.
can you believe that?