Mama warned me countless of times
Never walk alone along the alley at night, "Call me or papa to pick you up"
I took it lightly, thinking it was just another preach-teach
If only I'd listened to her
If only I was stronger

I still walked lightly drunken down that alley that
horrible night,
a pure, broken white lamb limping down the street
just waiting for a black fox of the night to
come enrapture me,
take me away from everything,
as I stood, cold and uncomforted from the night's drunken stupor,
and crying.

As I keep on walking
His voice was still there
In my head screaming,
"You deserved this, shut up!
Wearing like a desperate ****!
Just let me taste you stupid ****!!!"
No matter how i screamed, his immense hands shrouding my mouth tightly.
The more i screamed, the more pain he puts me in.

A couple shoves,
a few bruises,
a yank,
and my silenced whimpers
as he ferociously goes in,
once, twice, too many times.
I'm trapped, heaving...
I should have listened to Mama...

Flashbacks ran through my head
How defiant I am towards my parents
How I always skipped anything physical, always judging girls on how they look.
It's happening to me now
I can do nothing but cry and give in
When he was done, he told me he'll **** my whole family if I tell the police.
I continue walking as my worth fading slowly.

And my fire burned out,
as I stopped struggling,
stopped making any noises,
and just lay still,
as he licked me and caressed me,
he's new found toy,
only to be tossed away later.

As I finally reached my nest,
I couldn't find the words to tell mama.
Not one person, not my boyfriend, not a soul. His face still haunts me every now and then.
He became this demon in my head
That will never go away.
It's been months now,
But this demon got my soul caged
And my lips zipped.
Not a single soul will ever know

I still look at your picture
You look "adorable"
The word you used to say
I act like I'm writing this to you
Like you may read this one day
Yes, it's for you
I see your eyes
And the softness that lies behind
Ready for tender affection
To absorb into me
On the couch, your small self
My little spoon
Arms around you
I will fall asleep
So easily
Knowing you're here with me
And will be in the morning

Where did you go?

In my school,
     is where her aptitude
     was viewed
     in grades,
     and girls in heels,
     leered in contempt,
     and even attempt
     to fake a smile
     in her direction.

In my home,
     is where her heart isn't,
     where her own mother,
     never forgets
     to mind her own mess
     and never asked
     her reasons why
     and fakes a smile
     in her direction.

In my room,
     is where a girl,
     sits in front her mirror
     who left this note
     on the floor,
     as she took too many pills,
     finally peace fulfills,
     and fakes a smile
     in my direction.

Alone a constant mind chatter
Clutter
Sticking to sweaty inner parts and
Broken hearts
Stray hairs
Pink layers
Broken chairs

Bang!
Noise?
Too busy to have thoughts
Laughs
Stomach in knots
The threshold crossed
I'm safe.

Made it so far
But Alone
Again

Until I am filled with ends
"You are completed by others"
Lies.
When the heart cries
It's the inner eyes
That fill the soul
And make it whole.

Only I.

How do you resist me
When you know I love you so?
How do you say no
So easily,
so constantly
How do you always go
And just leave me be?  

Are the lies from your mouth
from your heart as well?

The lies that you give me
when you cannot tell
the secrets you guard
the fears you hold
the reason why
your heart is cold.

He held her heart in his hands
Controlling her with bursts of passion
He was sincere and kind to her
But not in public
He confided his love to those around her
Yet she never knew
And his silence killed their dalliance
When his eyes met hers
Their minds grew their emotional bond
Yet his fear of love pushed her away
Whilst she plunged deeper in her emotions
And then she left
Because he could now longer control her
Only to find out -He had lost his first love