i liked it better
when love was a lovely rose
not a prickly thorn
when you carried soft eyes for me
and not a heart of stone

she smelled
of quiet snowfall
at 2AM on Sunday.

she left me
some months ago
and I am still
washing her out
of my bedsheets

When you see my face you’ll see joy and happiness
But when you look into my eyes you’ll see the pain and misery
My thoughts aren’t accurate with the words that I speak
But your mind isn’t concentrated on how I’m so weak

Though I say I’m alright
I’m happy
I’m fine
On the inside, I’m hurting
I’m crying
I’m yelling

You do yes I know, I know you do care
But I can’t reveal myself, for you may glare
The cuts and the tears, they aren’t ever shown
And the misery is hidden and never aglow

My happiness is yours, I reflect and I stare
My feelings are nothing
And you couldn’t bear
The life that I live
So silently away
I love and I live
I lose and I gain

But this isn’t me
I’ll never be the same
My losses seem more
More than I’ve gained
And here I am smiling with old old pain
I’ve loved and I’ve lived
I’ve lost and I’ve gained

My smile is staying
For that’s what you like
But at the end of the day
I’ll go in my room
I’ll curl and cry and I may cut too

Though I say it’s okay
I’m not sad
I’m no mad
I do indeed love you
But I need someone too

Baby, you’re not a million dollars
If you were then you wouldn’t be mine
You’d be in the stores I've visited
The restaurants I ate at
You’d be tucked away in a safe place for no one to marvel at

No, you’re more than that
You’re not money
Money has no meaning compared to you
You’re the stars in the sky
The air I breathe
You’re a wonderful piece

If I could choose between you and a million bucks
I wouldn’t hesitate on my choice
Money can buy me an ear
But you’re always here
Money can buy me comfort
But you’re who brings me happiness
There’s no comparing

I want to show you off to the world
and then hold you close
Money I can flaunt
and then it’s gone for someone else
But you I can keep
And I wouldn’t give you away for things
I don’t want anyone to have you
Because you’re mine

I hate to be your heartbreak
But that's the only outcome I can see
For I've given up on trying to be free
Free from the sorrow and pain
It all just comes back and haunting
Like a nasty stubborn stain

Welcome to my room
Where sadness blooms into hatred
And your thoughts beat you to the floor
There's a place to sit
So you can cry
Or maybe you'd prefer to lie
There are so many options
And don't forget the bathroom
It has an endless supply
For instance you could watch yourself bleed
Oh my room is so welcoming
With every self loathing thought
I've spent so much time here
I'm destined to rot

im drifting in and out
floating around
this body does not belong to me

the clench of my hands
physical touch
its all so distant
this body does not contain me

my vision blurs
voices fade
this body is not helping me

the clothes i put on
hats i wear
the glasses that rest on my nose
this body does not represent me

staring in mirrors
clawing at skin
this body will be the death of me

Your last breath was painful
You spat out so much hatred
Laid down all your guilt

It was a rainy day
But the sun dried out your lips
You yelled until you coughed up ashes

Not sure of what you had become
Change was impossible
So many attempts, yet no success

Such a ****** up shard
Grabbed yourself
Then bled