Why can't we hold one another in the street?
Why can't we kiss and hold hands?
Why do you pretend I am a friend?

Are you afraid,
   of dark eyes all around
I can't stop silent tears
  I know we have to hide
why is our love hopeless?

I want to shout
   from the rooftop
   from the street
I want to
   kiss
   hold hands
I want others to know
   I am not just a friend. . .

Is it so hard to simply be yours-

In my lowest,
   came the "hello"
Alluring eyes
   I'll admit
It was love at first sight.

    Endless hours
& words expressed
     Did you hear it echoing?
the heartbeat?

Beautiful Smiles
   Fiery kisses
empty bottles
    ***** sheets.

Paragraphs
  turned into "ok."
and an unread
you set off a dream in me.
Can you hear the echoing?
of my heartbeat?

Shattered dreams
   Empty tears
a one night stand
   but not for me. . .

this love is not enough.
--for me--

I don't write about flying
I try not to write about love
try not to write about me
try not to write about death
try not to write about ****

I write critiques
  Yet I am down and I am out
       So I look at others for inspiration
& look in the mirror
only to see. . .

Hypocrisy,
**** A STEP DOWN FROM !Intellectualism!
   a partaker in mimetic creation in and endless state of iterability
        ! a charlatan of false truth!
             a poet for god sake!
                  a poet
                      a failure
                             yet
                                 I do not awake
                                          from this sweet dream
                                                 !please god! let me not wake!

. . .First I lost myself. . .
     . . .Then I lost my mind. . .
          . . .and then I lost my life. . .

-ignored my cries in my plea for life-

She had given up
     Danced through the night
                   In a bubble in limbo
                      She hit such a low
                         Yet, through exuberant eyes
                              Shrouded in mystery
                                   He broke down her wall
                                       when she had given up the fight
                                         black hair turns to gray
                                            Yet, through exuberant eyes
                                                            ­  of absolute anguish
                                                         ­          her teams stream her soul
                                                            ­                                   for all to see
for he broke down her wall
the stream flows
she sinks slowly down
covered hearts in kisses disappear
into a broken heart

given into despair
she dances through the night
in limbo once more

praying until they meet again. . .

Why is there shame?
    Why do we adopt a different tongue?
        Why do we call ourselves "ghetto not from this nation"

While Abuela rolls in her grave
  Each wrinkle a reminder of our greatness
      Each reminder  a moment of greatness once passed.

Do we call ourselves American to fit in?
   How do we face Montezuma,
      Our nation suffers and burns,
          Devils demonize
              Children Cry
                 Separated from mothers arms
                    In the name of Freedom!


So why is there shame?
    The rain a reminder of a tears of a once great nation
        Pillaged and burn our bodies became the bridge
          Our hands built this empire
             Our people yet are still slaves.

Where is the shame?
     Mother speaks in broken English
        Families laugh and our culture continues. . .

Stolen land, tears, indigenous **** time does not erase.
Nor should it erase our ANGER
But our people preach love not hate.
Once more we are beneath the masters boot.
Modern Day Slaves

But there is no shame,
for our culture exists,
even after the destruction of our once great state.

Keep the door closed
    for the love to erupt
Keep the light off
    for the trigger to spark
Look away from me
    for my pride not to break
Make me yours
    Don't talk, Don't be rough, for it reminds me of him

  -- Why do I not allow myself to love?--

Take my hand,
Share this moment
        I'll admit
I am afraid.

         Take the plunge
Into the deep
          Let us love without complexities,
straightforwardly.

        Take my hand,
feel my beat,
        feel the sweat
I am scared
        You're scared
but let our hearts beat in-unison
         as we steal stars from the night sky.
  --for our love to shine bright in our discomposure--

******
        Ignorant
                    Flattery

when did poets become so
       --miniscule--
constantly partaking within a state of iterability
        Plato rolls in the grave
while Derrida weeps.

                         Sad state of iterability.

Bombs are falling in the name of freedom
limbless soulless children peer into the thin veil of the heart
only to find a populous succumb to normalcy !
Plague is upon us, the planet is dying
nobody speaks for the trees,
for we must satisfy an infallible thirst to destroy.
Yet they cling to the beads,
get on their knees
pray to a deity

I humbly ask
"where is god"

                as this world turns to suffering
                poor get poorer
children starve
mothers cry
and fathers **** themselves

"where is god"

has he abandoned us?
for we have become his greatest mistake. . .

Individualization
                              is praised
                                         instagrammers become the plato of the day
                               But did you ever see yourself
for you are just meat like me.


When did we lose sight of importance.

What
         if
           the
                 world
                           was
                                 like
                                       two
                                               souls
                                                          t­hat
                                                             ­     conjoin
What
           if
                the
                    souls
                ­            were
                                  just
         ­                               &
                                           right
                                                 dancing
                                                               in
                                                              ­     harmony
                
Leaving us in a state of endless ecstasy
                     --flowers for bombs—
                            No races, religion or ***
         in the phantasmal state.

       Stars pass and time is endless like a life age on earth
Timeless—
  Then I hear the neighbor sing, ****, never mind we are in a
         endless purgatory

I think I killed a man today,
For he would not look at me in anyway,
Smiled over him as his soul left his eyes, licked his blood and savored his rejection.
Self-indulgence was my justification, the achievement of vanity was my motive.

Breath left his glorified ruby red lips, hazel green eyes pleaded to the dark abyss which was my soul.
How beautiful a moment I had created, was he proud of such a love filled death?
I loved him, loved him I did.
But he mocked my emotions, laughed at my devotion.
He trampled my passion, lust and infatuation.
Hopefully he burns in damnation.

I killed the man today, and I'll stand over his grave.
I'll watch and laugh at him all day.
My soul won't weep or shed a tear.

You slept again with that unknown man,
I sniff your clothes, freezing my cheeks sending a nervous shudder,
Radiant exuberance rushes through every cell, as my mind enters a ****** state of pleasure and Benzedrine.
Fire ignites from within every hole, I cry out for my thoughts are their own, and they are spinning on the floor.

I look to the sky and say "forgive me father" as I enter this state of perfect purgatory.
Breaking down crying naked I shriek with delight.
Burning a cigarette hole in my arm I let the supernatural ecstasy encompass me, as Imagine his fiery eyes.

I want to pleasure him, I want him to rip my limbs.
Sit on my ***, and worship his soul.
Feel the feeling as he lifts your legs to his waist,
as he chokes you out of consciousness, forcing you to imagine my reaction.
The feeling of having him inside you as he fills you with pain, pleasure and joy.

For you think you cheated,
and got away,
but in reality I was always really gay.

Truth is but fabrications,
a figment of inspiration.
I can't compare life or death,
Nor the sound of your breath.

Time goes by, and seasons change
No one sees you walking down the street,
Its fall but flowers bloom without leaves.
and here I sit and wonder what is truth?

Eyes closed I learn to paint,
In solidarity I paint your soul,
Brighter with every stroke,
My painting is monotonous,
for it only paints you.

Everyone around me dances,
I ask myself everyday if I have gone insane.
With a smile on my face,
What is truth? What is lie?
All I know is you. . .

Nobody sees me,
but I see you.
truth rejects me,
Fantasy to me is real,
For its all I see, and that Fantasy is you.

Little Brown Red Bird,
Grow your wings soar far away,
In to solitude.

Touch that sends shivers down my spine,
Breath as ardent as the brightest flame,
Tears that stream my very soul.
Black lined exuberant eyes shrouded in mystery,
Peer through bone, blood and flesh.
My heart cannot take your pleasure and pain
Every tick and every tock is an endless tunnel of unfathomable love.

Fingers bleed, as teeth grit.
Skin tears, and two hands ***** my neck.
Bearded angels scream YASSSSS
The music pumps, the crowd goes wild.
Yet no one notices my insignificance.
I gasp for air; I want to scream but sound is lost.
Life leaves, a body lays against a decrepit bathroom wall.

You killed me, while bearded angels danced the night away.
If only I could live once more,
and experience your fervency once more.

I am a crazy dreamer,
Waited for a love which never came.
As I watched the kids cruising becoming part of the future.
Smiling in love, the thing I always craved.
Everyday my heart grew darker and sore.
I knew I was not born to love,
Never to know truelove.

So, call me crazy,
Tell me I don’t try and I am lazy!
I see no need to dress up or to make myself decadent and tasty.
For dreams are an illusion and I choose not to be hasty.
So, I am a crazy dreamer, no one was born to love me.
I was born to be as fluid as the sea, call me a *****, call me a ***.
For each stone your throw only made me grow!

I never knew tears, only pleasure.
The human touch and its burning flame which ignited fear.
I knew beauty and life, but I never knew love.
I was always happy, until I knew no one was born to love me.
Crazy dreamer, happy even no love in life, I am the crazy dreamer.

Are your proud of who I am?
Or are you rolling in your grave ashamed.
You were the pillar that held up my walls,
and answered all of my calls.

I never hurt so bad, so when did I ever lower my guard?
My dreams, my aspirations, my goals, my life revolved around you.
Always with a smile, I was a fool that never grew,
because you were the pillar who took all life threw.  

How much abuse did you endure? It must have been stressful, I'm sure.
I'm sorry my lover, I could have done more, if only I knew.
Not a day goes by that I'd rather be asleep than awake, so that I won’t have to relive all my mistakes.

Eventually your walls toppled over, so did my heart.
With the blink of the eye, your ardent flame came to an end.
I’m sorry my lover, if only I knew, I would beg god for more time.

So please tell me that you are not ashamed,
Send me a sign, that I have grown and became great!
That I am no longer the same and have changed!

Tell me my lover, for I am starting to think Ive grown but insane.
Am I everything you wished for?
Or your greatest mistake?

Forgive me lover,
For deep down I know I was the greatest mistake.