I was very nervous
This was my first time
I was unsure of my actions
But I did it anyways

We weren't that close
Just about right
But something inside me was off
I could feel it bubbling inside

We started to joke around
Innocent chatter
But as time passed
This feeling grew bigger

We went to a friends house
School work as usual
But something was off
She wasn't her usual self

Blood pumping faster
Sweat starting to form
My brain was still working
But my body loosing control

Beside each other about to sleep
My mind blurring
My body turning
My heart pounding

Her soft skin touching against mine
Silk black hair smothered in my face
Her figure was small, tiny perhaps
She fit perfectly in my embrace

Hands holding at the end
Tighter and tighter
I could hear our breathing
And hearts beating together

I was very nervous
This was my first time
I was unsure of my actions
But I did it anyways

Youre triggered everyday
I dont think you even care anyway
That whenever I try to explain why
You dont bother batting an eye

Youre quick to assume
So slow to say hmm
You always hit me
But never say sorry

When I do you bad
Punishment awaits
When the opposite happens
“Sorry my mistake!"

You never ponder
Why I always want to slumber
In my own world
That you always want to crumble

I came from your womb
Dont get me wrong
I respected you once
But now its almost gone

You give me blessings
I dont even ask
You show me kindness
Even though it doesnt last

I dont know if you love me
Even though you show it
But not once
have i heard you say it

Youre very kind to me
But hardly understand me
I dont know if youre for real
Or you just want to play me

It hurts to doubt
I cant say it from my mouth
My love for you is in drought
And i think its about to run out

I dont want to do this
It hurts mecto do so
But i need hope
A reason not to let go

To continue
Even though it hurts
To try
That My hope for you will convert

One day a bee
Was flying happily
By a meadow curiously
He saw a sunflower
Shone brightly

Bewitched he flew closer
To the beautiful splendor
Of which was simply was
An elegant little flower

They chatted all day
With no obstacles in their way
Until night came
Then everything changed

The peculiar flower had to go
But with no goodbye to go
She just closed up where she was
And not a single stop or pause

Sadly, the bee left
Leaving the flower he just met
Thinking to himself that time
I'll try harder next time

Would it be alright
For you to be by my side
For you to be my bride
To be with you, till the end of time

Would it be alright
To yearn for your touch
To seek you when I'm lost
To replace what I've lost

Would it be alright
To brush the tears off your cheek
To become your light when in need
To carry you and sweep you off your feet

Would it be alright
To finally hold you in my arms
To be able to keep you out of harms
And be your shelter in the storms

Would I be alright
If this were all true
But then I wake up
And realize, it was just a ruse

A battle always fought
To my heart's content I lost
My brain would rejoice in defeat
I would gather strength to retreat

Divided, I fight
In a pitiful plight
That no one even cares
Not a single cheer you will hear

Like a jester I joke
About my caustic yoke
I make light out of the matter
And every one replies with laughter

Proud of my achievement
I wail in disappointment
But still smiling I weep
For this to myself I keep

My last hope shattered
No where to be found
Like tattered cloth i'm worthless
Just some *** lying around

Clenching my face
I don't know what to do
I can't do anything
To stop this wound

Like migraine I kneel
Pray to stop the pain
A wall was my answer
Streaming blood my gain

Tired I lie
On the ground while I weep
But laughing comes life
With a deal that I must keep

To forever wander
In this forsaken world forever
To bear burden for no one
And cower in fear of others

Hopeless I accept
the terms and agreement
To lock myself forever
In this caustic life of terror

You may know me by name
But you dont know me by who I am
Im like a caterpillar gone wrong
I grew wings but my body is still the same

I was always a mistake
Nothing more that I can do
The fear that I would break
And no one to hold on to

I hate people
But im scared to be alone
I need help
But I shun everyone I know

I dont want to be a burden
It scares me the most
Good thing im never noticed
Im treated like a ghost

I dont need help
But please help me
Im flawed and ignorant
But please still save me

Go away you might get hurt
Please stay, im all alone
Youre wasting your time
Please youre all i have

You'll just be annoyed
Im soo sorry
Youre efforts are worthless
Please forgive me!

If you leave its fine
Another failed attempt
No one can help me
I wonder if someone can?

Im a failure
Why I am I like this?
Theres no hope
I never wanted this
Give up
Why?
You'll save yourself

We were friends
With normal everyday lives
We talked sometimes
And said our goodbyes

We shared some memories
And we had little history
But I was happy
That you were my company

You make me smile stupidly
You make me hum happily
You make me nervous crazily
You make me love you endlessly

My plan for two
They were me and you
To take your hand
And have your first dance

Take the step
Take your hand
Just listen to the music
While I lead this dance


The thought gives me jitters
The butterflies start to flutter
Excited as I could be
But I still manage to fail miserably

A dream that could turn into reality
Shattered by my fear of you rejecting me

We hardly talk now
We hardly see each other too
I wish I could've been better,
Better at being the one for you

Deep as the ocean
As vague as it's depths
Amazed at your vastness
Enthralled by your secrets

Mysterious as you can be
That no other eye can see
But calming elegance sweeps your face
An aura so cold but it makes my heart race

To know you further
You hit me like a charmer
All my efforts seem to blunder
Soon I realize i'm already asunder

You were the reason why I smile
little did I know
you were the one
who made me cry

But scary as you can be
I still want to set you free
From this dilemma that we call love
To finally finish this, once and for all

Another year has passed
Still the same as the last
I still hesitate to ask
I want to end this fast

From day one we were distant
We barely talked
I wish I wasn't hesitant
But you were tight as a lock

With each passing year
I Yearned for change
Little did I know
That I,  should've changed

Like a schizm enlarging
We grew farther apart
Is what my mind would tell me
So that I would fall apart

I never knew her side
Mysterious as a feline
Blank as a paper
My mind would repeat this over and over

Puzzling she was
Harder than a rubicks cube
She would smile
And brighten up my mood

Regrets still linger
Of actions that could be better
A dance that could've been sweeter
Or a friendship that should've been warmer

She was everything i didnt want
But she was perfect in every way
She was something i could'nt understand
But I loved her anyway

Until now this situation is static
We talk but it doesn't get dramatic
We see each other, wave our hands
We say goodbye without sa glance

Though everything's over
And we separate farther
I just wanted to know
Before we say goodbye forever

Behind your mysterious demeanor
Was there any room to be your lover?
Was there any chance to share your heart?
Or any feeling that you wanted to love?

Another day
Another hour
Another feeling
That must be devoured

The feeling of earth's weight
Pressing against your shoulders
All of people's expectations
And their so called opinions

Gravity is simple
But many fail to understand
That the longer the cup is held
The more painful it becomes

Its weight starts to double
And I start to tumble
Loosing will to stand up
I beg myself not to give up

My arms become numb
And my head's a blur
I want rest already
But still want more

Knees shaking
I start crying
Is this the end?
Can I stop fighting?

Why do I fight?
Why must I keep fighting?
Can't I just resign?
Or must I keep resisting?

After a day of life
I realize fatigue
Comming from my mind
So I quickly rush to rest

I come home
To a sweet surprise
A bright candyset
Right before my eyes

A gift of life
To me,  for my sufferings
A time for rest
While savoring sweet bliss

One was a lolipop
Very huge and intimidating
But I took the challenge!
To taste its shiny coating!

I smile in anticipation
Experiencing the sensation
Bittersweet satisfaction
I nearly cry from sheer elation

Bright red droplets pour
Each time the lollipop melts
It's somewhat thick
But soft like the cushion for pins

Next was candy
With somewhat hard coating
It was also big
And kind of heavy

I ogle at its odd shape
It was very tempting to take
But I strengthened my resolve
I was determined open it

While contemplating
I notice a long cherry licorice
Again tempted to grab it
But I daydreamed instead

Thinking of what kind
Of sweet surprise
That may open
A window to a sweeter life

Waking up
I remember the chore
That's still in front of me
That I had made before

Concentrating I slowly pull
The sturdy string hiding its jewel
Excited I unconsciously put
The mystery candy in my mouth

Even though it is still wrapped
I was too excited I could taste the wrap
But suddenly to my surprise
My parents come in just time

The seemed surprised
that I found the candy
Smirking I looked guilty
But I already wanted to finish quickly

Scared I might get a toothache
They quickly rush to my aid
I smiled and tugged with my finger
And said to them, shall I pull the trigger?

A resource that cannot be obtained
Time, an anomaly in this world
Which commands death and life
And covers this whole reality

A friend? Can be
An enemy?  Maybe
A riddler? Quite
A mystery?  Thats right

A treasure chest locked away
Whose key nobody knows
Many have searched and tried
But no one has ever triumphed

A secret hidden within
That even the worst gossipers cannot reveal
Not even the best observers can identify
Or even smartest people can unlock

Solve me please
Begs the chest
But be prepared
For things are unexpected

Answers become questions
And questions become answers
Hints become facts
and facts become hints

I do warn you though,
For the perils that lie ahead
Are confusing as ever
And dangerous nonetheless

But sadly I remain locked
And loneliness was my only friend
For no one could solve my lock
Nor anyone could find it

Born to do right
Truth my might
Taught to hate evil
To fight it with light

Raised in a santuary
Where no one could see me
An angel hidden from sight
In fear of exposure to the world's delight

Time said hi
And I grew by
The gates were opened
And i could fly

Enthralled by a world
Taught to me, decieving
I roamed everywhere
Without a thought of stopping

I met time by a bench
And he waved again
And now im comfortable
With this world's trend

Im still aware of my values
Heck, its etched into my hippocampus
I know I wont betray
And never will I disobey

As I roamed
I found an abode
Where i felt welcome
In this very mysterious world

I came by every day
And I grew more attached
Some days I stayed
And soon overnights were an always

Ofcourse my teachers knew
Of my new found visiting
To the unknown abode
And didnt let it go

They were scared
Of what I could become
That I would be tainted
That I would no longer be perfect

They kept warning me
At first I understood
And wanted to share
The forseen likelihood

It was reasonable at first
But it started to sour
And their warnings
Started to shower

Soon the shower turned to downpour
And It became out of hand
It had no more logic
And I wanted to leave my land

I ran away
And hid in the world
And again I found that home
Which considered me as their own

I met with friends
That lived in the world
And learned to coexist with them
Learned to appreciate the world

As I grew acquainted
Something grew in my head
A feeling that I have felt before
And has returned once more

Memories of my past return
And this feeling began to churn
I felt heaps of coal burn within my chest
And as I unlock my past regrets

Hatred of my home rekindled
Leaving my sanity bewildered
Thoughts of resovle was constant
But Rage became triumphant

Engulfed in Wrath my decision was clear
To turn away truth was painfully near
Now put my former self aside
And wonder whats like on the other side

Lover of Hate
Seeker of Lies
My nature of Spikes
That will hurt others smiles

I cannot be trusted
Try me but don't regret it
I might just **** you
But I'll just spare you

I've lived in this world
For as long as I can remember
Stuff has happened
But I still wander

I left my friends
My family I hate
I all I have is myself
And no other gain

But memories of the past still linger
They haunt me everyday until my slumber
Choices turned to regrets
But I cannot fret

Regrets I have to accept
Because complaining wont fix that
So I have to live that
And continue with my life

But after all that I have said
Do you think that I've got nothing left?
I maybe the worst of my own kind
But would you believe if I was once nice?

Struggling to think
Limping to stay sane
Suffocated with the illusions
Tortured from the lies

An angel poisoned
Brought down to this hell
Slowly infected
Irrefutable corruption

Blindfolded to see friends
For fear of seeing the opposite
But ripping off the blindfold
I cry in pain to see nothing happened

Blurring the line
From moral and wicked
Walking on broken glass of myths
Feeling the painful truth of lies

This world of treachery and devotion
A homologous mixture sober and lust
Continuous misery injected within me
But balanced peculiarly with happiness

Insanity a truth to me
Truth to me an insanity
Bad seen as good
Good to be seen as bad

A killer with a virtue
A lawyer with vice
Good shaking hands with evil
Is everything alright¿