Perhaps I am hard to like,
     No one understand how I used my bike.

Perhaps it was me,
          who understood first
                  of their perspective's meant to be.

Perhaps that is why I stay away,
                         always a step ahead in my foolish play.

Perhaps you never notice my distance,
                                for I am alone in this charade of existence.

I'm not a typical teenager
I don't facebook things
Or post my life to the world
I don't tweet
Or Twitter
Or all the other
Networks
I don't instagram
In fact
I don't like pictures
If me. I hide from the camera
Hoping no one will
Click the photo button
I don't party
Or stay out late
I sit at home
Watching TV
Or better yet
Cuddling up with a good book
I don't waltz around
In revealing clothes
Hoping for a boyfriend
I don't act all bubbly
I cry and worry
I don't worry about boys
And dates
I worry about depression
And cutting and if my
Friends are really fine

I don't doodle or draw names on a binder
I write poetry on a site called helo poetry
And the only thing that upsets me
About that, is that I didn't find it sooner

They found her body;
At the bottom of the ravine.
Said she jumped in the night,
that she never looked back.

I wonder if anyone ever understood her,
I wonder if they even knew her.
Did they know she was hurting?

They did not care that she was gone.
They closed the case and called her dead,
A text book suicide, no victims remained.
Call the morgue and have her tagged.

I wonder if they knew,
About all those she hurt when
she died and left them behind.

Comfort the sobbing parents,
Watch her sibling misunderstand,
Send the family away,
And never think of her again.

My mother’s head had been cut open,
But she had felt the splitting since I was an infant
Crying out from my trundle bed.

Then I was sixteen and still crying out.
Let me explain;
I couldn’t express that I was aching,
So I’d tell them my mother was.

But no one bothered to ask me if she was alright.
A friend of mine told me, frustrated
That people get attention hungry
When the slightest thing goes wrong.

It’s true, I needed attention.
But I don’t know why the word is so hated
Lurched off the tongue like lonely girls aren’t worthy of
Some common human kindness.

That shut me up
So I had nothing to say
Save one dismissive mention
No one bothered to ask me if I was alright.

The worst part is
The splitting feeling didn't go away.
Her pain is worse now
That I am nearly an adult.

The sympathy for my mother vanished
Faster than the money she spent
To lie in a hospital bed,
Wrapped in a paper gown.
The sympathy for me was never there.

I Lay Down Next To You ...
And I Could Smell Her On Your Collar ...
I Kiss You And I Could Taste Her On Your Lips...
I Look at You..
And I See Her In The Sparkle Of Your Eyes...
I Tell You I Love You...
And I Know I Am Not The Only One You Love...

I begged for you to stay,
And I'll never forgive myself for being that weak.