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320 · May 2014
I Like You
Xyns May 2014
i like you
:)
320 · Dec 2014
Alien
Xyns Dec 2014
Yeah. It's different.
But I love variety.
319 · Mar 2015
Yesterday.
Xyns Mar 2015
Yesterday I said

It doesn't feel like I'm living any more.
Days are just obstacles that I have to get through.
I don't even like sleeping any more. I'm afraid that I'll see him in my dreams.
I no longer eat.
I don't even feel hungry.
I eat a couple bites of school lunch and none of breakfast.
I'm not eating at home.
I've already lost a lot of weight.
The pain doesn't feel emotional any more, my emotions are dormant.
The pain is physical now.
It feels like I'm walking through syrup constantly.
When I lay down I cry even if I'm not thinking of him.
And right now the only thing I feel is confusion.

*But Today
I'm so much stronger.
I'm not crying
No regrets
This pain
Is fading from my chest
I'm not dull
No longer bland
I'm on my own
I don't need a man
Goodbye
319 · Dec 2014
What would I wish for?
Xyns Dec 2014
Simplicity.
That's all I want.
318 · Mar 2015
On Cloud 9
Xyns Mar 2015
On cloud 9
I leave my troubles far behind

I can't feel your gentle touch
I don't hear your **** voice
I can't taste your sweet kiss
I don't miss your presence


All of you
That remains
*Is the dull ache in my chest
And the confusion in my brain
Here, on cloud 9, I don't miss you.
318 · Mar 2014
The One
Xyns Mar 2014
She is the one
I hold so close and dear
My heart always races
When she is near

When I look into
Her beautiful eyes
All I see is gorgeous
Starry night skies

When she flashes
That amazing white smile
It my makes my whole day
Worthwhile

I love being
Her one and only
Because it would **** me
To see her lonely

She is so perfect to me
In everyway
I can't stop thinking
About her all day

She makes me
So tender and warm
When she lays
In my arms

But when the day
Comes to an end
And everything
Is said and done
I know in my heart
She is the one
My boyfriend wrote this for me and I cried a little.
318 · Apr 2018
I’ve Been Hurt Too
Xyns Apr 2018
What were the words you told me
That first made me want to be with you?
You said "I know you've been hurt
But, Autumn, I've been hurt too.."
317 · Dec 2014
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
It feels like everyone's staring
But nobody sees me
Everyone sees the bad things
My messy hair
The sad clothes I wear

They're judging me
Based on shallow things
They don't care about the actual me
Just what I can't be
My beauty, they'll never see
316 · Nov 2014
...Reality...
Xyns Nov 2014
And suddenly it all hit me

....................

And now I feel empty
314 · Oct 2017
I Think of You
Xyns Oct 2017
I think of you
When I'm alone and stuck in my head

I think of you
When you're gone and I'm in bed

I think of you
On the phone, when our calls end

I think of you
I'm not alone when i hold your hand

I think of you
When I look at where life has led

I think of you
And I'm In awe of all the things we've said

I think of you
When I'm hanging on by a thin thread

I think of you
And form more questions in my head

Like do you think about me too?
And What lies ahead?
314 · Sep 2017
Easily Severed
Xyns Sep 2017
"Young spirit worn by an old soul, broken heart plated in gold.."

My spirit is weathered, disguised by youth
I'm not broken, but I'm fractured; that's the truth
I'm a matter of seconds from blowing a fuse
I'd love to explain it but I, myself, am confused
I'm surely faulty; clearly some screws have come loose

In the search for understanding, nobody can be found
Push comes to shove and your world becomes a ghost town
Learn from the lessons; don't hit the ground
Survival is natural for those with will power somewhat profound
Peace and quiet, tranquility; what a wonderful sound

Get to know yourself and then access your third eye
The power of understanding is nothing I could begin to deny
An experience akin to tripping when I've gotten too high
Wings blessed by injustice allow us to take flight
Tempted to leave behind all the rest, find our place in the sky

"Young spirit worn by an old soul, broken heart plated in gold.."*

Mute what's expressed by those oppressed by the righteous
Mourning temporary flames; they always burnt brightest
Droughts of emptiness that make the Sahara seem luscious
Developed dependencies on what gets you highest
What's left unspoken will only be answered with silence

Respect fractured souls who chose not to give in to the pressure
Cruel standards by which human worth has been routinely measured
Few bonds will not break; ties are easily severed..
313 · Mar 2014
My Dear
Xyns Mar 2014
Dear Lust,
Sweet, sweet seduction
Why do I deny you?

You've always been my friend
Always understood me
Lust, You were there when no one else was

Dear Temptation,
If only I could find it in myself
To separate the grey

All I want is to give in
All I need is to feel the happiness you offer
But still I pull away

My better judgment still tortures me
Ah, sweet seduction
Soon enough, I will say yes to you, My Dear
313 · Sep 2017
What You Don't Know
Xyns Sep 2017
What you don't know
Is the details
Of your beautiful smile
I etched into my mind
As though
You could have slipped away
At any moment

What you don't know
Is that I memorized
The sweet sounds
Of your perfect laughter
Because I knew
You could have slipped away
At any moment

What you don't know
Is that, unfortunately,
You're still on my mind
Still the only one
Even though
You were never mine
At any moment
312 · Mar 2014
Indistinguishable
Xyns Mar 2014
Days feel the same as night
I drown in the darkness
I suffocate in the light

The sun looks the same as the moon
I ignore the day's time
I won't wake until noon

Cold feels the same as heat
The flames obscure my sight
Ice uses my body to beat

Days feel the same as night
I run from the darkness
I hide from the light
312 · Mar 2014
End
Xyns Mar 2014
End
End
Where are you?
Resolution
Where will I find you?

End
Will you come near?
Resolution
When will you reveal yourself?

End
Do you yearn for me too?
Resolution
How far away are you?

End
I really need you.
Resolution
You need to come here.
312 · Mar 2014
I Refuse
Xyns Mar 2014
I refuse.
I refuse to sleep
I refuse to give in to the darkness
I refuse to see the nightmares
I refuse to let them take me
I refuse.
311 · Nov 2016
xx
Xyns Nov 2016
**
She was a screen door
In the middle of the storm

She broke her heart more
Than she could ever break yours
311 · Nov 2017
Delapidated
Xyns Nov 2017
Sometimes I gotta wonder what the **** is this high that I'm chasing
Sadly, after all the drugs I'm still alone in my room pacing

Breaking blocks, those building blocks seem so dilapidated
******* words, truths seeming too **** constipated


Black ink stains find revival as I turn to gray and I'm fading
Head to toes, covered in dirt, then used and abused- degrading

Dirt cheap highs to save me from the lows I've been facing
*And **** all as I'm jaded and lost and find myself spacing
309 · Mar 2015
Waste It All
Xyns Mar 2015
I only have so much money
And only so much time
I only have so much patience
And only so much hype

But tonight I wanna
Waste it all on you
Yeah, tonight I'd like
To make you feel new

Oh I know you'd like
To take it slow
But, darling,

I only have so much money
And only so much time

And tonight I wanna
Waste it all on you
Dear, tonight I'm gonna
Make you feel new

With a kiss on your lips
And a shake of my hips
We'll lose ourselves tonight

We'll waste it all tonight
307 · Mar 2014
Addiction
Xyns Mar 2014
Dropping my third can on the floor
I can't even stand anymore
My heart races and my pulse pounds
Fear grips me in its icy embrace
Why can't I stop?
All self control, I have lost
Will to move on, I have none
I wipe the drops off my chin
Then I crack open another can
Put it to my mouth and tip it up
Downing it all, I just can't stop
thud thud thud
My heart almost bursts through my chest
My vision blurs
My words won't come
I feel my body **** as I cave in on myself
Four cans down, Two to go
If I'll survive, soon we'll know
{Monster Energy}
305 · Jan 2015
What Happens Then?
Xyns Jan 2015
What about when the commitment dies?
What happens then?

What about when the love fades?
What happens then?

What about when all the dreams have gone away?
What happens then?

Or when all the lines blur to gray?
What happens then?



Tell me. Please.
What happens?
304 · May 2014
Now.
Xyns May 2014
Forget it ever happened
We'll be the same

All the hurt feelings go away
Smile like the day before yesterday

Put on the happy mask
Leave the pain in the past

Pretend it wasn't real
Maybe then we won't feel

Fake the trust that said bye
Act like it's as easy to come by

Our love is honestly real
So we'll ignore the confusion we feel
302 · Mar 2015
Untitled
Xyns Mar 2015
Have you ever been so heartbroken
That you literally feel the pain in your chest?
That your heart actually aches?
That you feel like throwing up all the time?
That being alive just seems wrong?
Welp.
That's where I am right now..
And the saddest part is
He doesn't really seem to care
302 · Nov 2014
Untitled
Xyns Nov 2014
Does this site have an app? If not, it needs one.
302 · Jul 2017
Untitled
Xyns Jul 2017
I just need an escape.

A way out of this place.

I'm in a bad mental space.
301 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
And she drowned herself in the music
So that she couldn't hear her thoughts
301 · Oct 2017
Bleed Me Dry
Xyns Oct 2017
It makes me sick to my stomach and oh so intensely nauseous
How I helplessly play your laugh on loop, like an involuntary shrine, inside my aching head

Stunning smile, smooth voice belonging to a trickster so skillfully dishonest
New self-made self-esteem; empowered to say you can save yourself instead

Sin-stained waltz with a demon, misery's baggage kept hidden in closets
Black and white scenes bleeding grey; colors slaughtered as beauty is violated then abandoned- dim, dull, and dead


A cheap shell of a person, drained dry then discarded- intimacy ******* and cautious
Belittled my self-worth, fed your ego; *emotional homicide every night I layed on "my side" of your bed..
300 · Apr 2015
I wrote this a while ago.
Xyns Apr 2015
I Fear You**

I don't fear many things
not death
not snakes
not love
not people
not pain

But you.

I fear you'll leave me
Find someone better
And no longer love me
While I'll be forever
Brokenhearted
Caught in endless despair

I fear you.

.............................................
It's funny how you confirmed all my fears. However, you haven't crippled me for life. I'm okay now.
299 · Mar 2015
I mean it.
Xyns Mar 2015
I'm in love with you
I need you to know
I never wanted to let you go
299 · Apr 2014
Tragic
Xyns Apr 2014
The love I feel for you
Is almost heartbreaking
I see the way you
Look at me
As though you're looking into me

The tormented shadow
I saw in your eyes
When they said
I'd be torn away from you
Opened fresh, stinging wounds

The way you understand
That I'm falling apart
Within myself
A little more everyday
Cripples my already limping heart

The tainted laughter
Shared between us
That I never fight
Only regret later on
Makes the pain nearly bearable

The feeling of being accepted
In an unconditional way
Is like an adrenaline rush
In my weary veins
And almost revives the hope I let die
Xyns May 2014
It caressed her breath
The sweet smell of misery

It danced on her words
The patient body of hate

It slipped in between the lines
The worthy intent of corruption

It passed through her eyes
The playful shade of pain

It spoke in her place
The kind whisper of doubt

It clung to her heaving chest
The loving sting of death
299 · Apr 2019
without
Xyns Apr 2019
I sit in this torture
I’ll probably feel this pain for life

Days are a struggle
And it’s a fight through my nights

It’s hard to have no one
And feel like you’ll be alright
298 · Apr 2014
Confessions
Xyns Apr 2014
Dear Love,

When you're with me
You heal my heart

But when you're away
I'm sad to say I fall apart
Everytime.
298 · May 2014
We Make Love.
Xyns May 2014
We don't have ***.
No, we don't ****.
We make love.
And it's wonderful.
296 · Jun 2014
Move On
Xyns Jun 2014
Lite a fire
Beneath the wings
Of the clarity
That will propel
Our yesterday
Into history
295 · Sep 2014
Untitled
Xyns Sep 2014
The wind caressed me
As though it were a fervent lover

I turned, elated
Thinking you had returned

Only to find
That you still loved her.
295 · Mar 2014
All Over Again
Xyns Mar 2014
When I see your face
I see my future

When I hear your voice
I hear perfection

When I feel your skin
I feel indestructible

When you hold me close
I know it's all okay

When you say my name
I get addicted to the sound

When you breathe on me
I get hypnotized

When you say you need me
I fall in love all over again
295 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
Maybe this is the caffeine talking
Or this is the overload on creatine

But I love you.
You mean the world to me.
295 · Mar 2014
Bad Guy
Xyns Mar 2014
"It’s like I'm in the dirt, digging up old hurt
Tried everything to get my mind off you, it won’t work
All it takes is one song on the radio you’re right back on it
Reminding me all over again how you ******* just brushed me off
And left me so burned, spent a lot of time trying to soul search
Maybe I needed to grow up a little first"
Bad Guy by Eminem
293 · Mar 2014
Don't Get To Know Me
Xyns Mar 2014
Don't look into my eyes
Please don't read my soul

You'll see things you don't want to see
You'll know things you don't want to know

Don't look into my thoughts
Please don't read between the lines

You'll see my darkest secrets
You'll learn my most disturbed characteristics

Don't get to know me
Please don't try to find the truth

You'll find my flaws
And You'll stop loving me
292 · Mar 2014
I Choose You
Xyns Mar 2014
At this moment
I am telling you that I love you
I love everything about you
Your hair
Your lips
Your voice
Your skin
Your taste
I choose to keep you forever
Out of every human being on this planet
I Choose You
292 · May 2014
You've Saved Me
Xyns May 2014
I want you to know
That I love you
More than words could ever show

I want to tell you
That I adore everything
That has anything to do with you

I want to say thanks
For all the little things
You do that make my days worth it

I wanted to let you see
That the way you breathe
Has so graciously saved me from myself

I wanted you to know
That thanks to you
I've been set free, so please don't go
291 · Mar 2015
Missing You.
Xyns Mar 2015
You were my best friend
My lover
I gave all I had to make you happy

Honestly, though everyone would hate me
I'd take you back in a heart beat

I never knew that
Losing you
Would hurt this bad

I need some closure
Just a hug would do

I'm not ready for us to be over
I need you to be around

I'm still in love with you
And everything I said was true
I just wish we'd never fallen apart

I want you to fall in love with me again
Maybe, perhaps, we could start over?
From the top, the beginning

I need you around.
I need you to still love me.

You win.

I don't know what I'm gonna do without you..
291 · Aug 2018
xox
Xyns Aug 2018
xox
And I would have done anything I ever could for you

But
In the end
Some people will only torture you
291 · Apr 2018
alone.
Xyns Apr 2018
only space
a blank place
withheld from grace
simply replaced
289 · Mar 2014
Legacy
Xyns Mar 2014
"And if you fall
I'll get you there
I'll be your savior
From all the wars
That are fought
Inside your world
Please have faith in my words
'Cause this is my legacy"
Legacy by Eminem
289 · Oct 2014
Untitled
Xyns Oct 2014
I love you.

Sadly
288 · Mar 2014
Perhaps
Xyns Mar 2014
Sometimes
I find it hard to believe
That we could choose to stay together always
And we could make it happen

Perhaps, I have allowed myself to believe
In Fate too much
Maybe I have given too much control
To Destiny
288 · Mar 2014
The Way I Love You
Xyns Mar 2014
Kisses
From head to toe
Hold me
All night long

Show me
The truth of us
I know
We're meant to be

These flames
They don't scare me
Our love
It burns brighter

Just speak
Talk to me all day
Love me
The Way I Love You
288 · Jul 2018
Will it?
Xyns Jul 2018
What's the point
Of all of this?
In the end
Will it even matter?
I doubt it..
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