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303 · May 2019
Sad Pen
Xyns May 2019
I’m tired of writing of depression
But the losses keep coming in succession

I’d love to pen the beauty I see
Yet I mostly feel misery inside me

I’m sorry I’m sad
I’m sorry I’m glad

I wish I could change

But
For now
My heart remains the same
302 · Mar 2015
Waste It All
Xyns Mar 2015
I only have so much money
And only so much time
I only have so much patience
And only so much hype

But tonight I wanna
Waste it all on you
Yeah, tonight I'd like
To make you feel new

Oh I know you'd like
To take it slow
But, darling,

I only have so much money
And only so much time

And tonight I wanna
Waste it all on you
Dear, tonight I'm gonna
Make you feel new

With a kiss on your lips
And a shake of my hips
We'll lose ourselves tonight

We'll waste it all tonight
302 · Nov 2014
Confessions #C
Xyns Nov 2014
If I left..
I disappeared..
And I never came near..
.......
I doubt you'd even notice.
301 · Mar 2014
My Dear
Xyns Mar 2014
Dear Lust,
Sweet, sweet seduction
Why do I deny you?

You've always been my friend
Always understood me
Lust, You were there when no one else was

Dear Temptation,
If only I could find it in myself
To separate the grey

All I want is to give in
All I need is to feel the happiness you offer
But still I pull away

My better judgment still tortures me
Ah, sweet seduction
Soon enough, I will say yes to you, My Dear
301 · Mar 2014
Indistinguishable
Xyns Mar 2014
Days feel the same as night
I drown in the darkness
I suffocate in the light

The sun looks the same as the moon
I ignore the day's time
I won't wake until noon

Cold feels the same as heat
The flames obscure my sight
Ice uses my body to beat

Days feel the same as night
I run from the darkness
I hide from the light
301 · Nov 2016
xx
Xyns Nov 2016
**
She was a screen door
In the middle of the storm

She broke her heart more
Than she could ever break yours
299 · Jun 2018
Rusty
Xyns Jun 2018
Eyes wide shut in a poppy seed slump
Slow motion moves my blood as it pumps
Cold and coping with pale powder bumps
I find my crutch in a poppy seed slump

Dumb and numb, opioid ****
Laying limp in a rut


*** on the run, opioid rust
Praying lips of a mut


Dumb and numb, opioid rust

Cheap opioid ****
298 · Aug 2017
Monotony
Xyns Aug 2017
Seems like I spend my time in the same space

Contemplating the same things every single day

Struggling, hoping that I don't waste away

Seems my dark thoughts have come out to play

Wondering how long until these thoughts change

Or maybe all will remain the same

Either way, I know my words will fade..
296 · Dec 2014
What would I wish for?
Xyns Dec 2014
Simplicity.
That's all I want.
295 · May 2014
Now.
Xyns May 2014
Forget it ever happened
We'll be the same

All the hurt feelings go away
Smile like the day before yesterday

Put on the happy mask
Leave the pain in the past

Pretend it wasn't real
Maybe then we won't feel

Fake the trust that said bye
Act like it's as easy to come by

Our love is honestly real
So we'll ignore the confusion we feel
295 · Dec 2014
Alien
Xyns Dec 2014
Yeah. It's different.
But I love variety.
293 · Aug 2018
self.
Xyns Aug 2018
Everyday I fight the urge to burn myself
Because I know it works
I know it helps
292 · Sep 2017
Easily Severed
Xyns Sep 2017
"Young spirit worn by an old soul, broken heart plated in gold.."

My spirit is weathered, disguised by youth
I'm not broken, but I'm fractured; that's the truth
I'm a matter of seconds from blowing a fuse
I'd love to explain it but I, myself, am confused
I'm surely faulty; clearly some screws have come loose

In the search for understanding, nobody can be found
Push comes to shove and your world becomes a ghost town
Learn from the lessons; don't hit the ground
Survival is natural for those with will power somewhat profound
Peace and quiet, tranquility; what a wonderful sound

Get to know yourself and then access your third eye
The power of understanding is nothing I could begin to deny
An experience akin to tripping when I've gotten too high
Wings blessed by injustice allow us to take flight
Tempted to leave behind all the rest, find our place in the sky

"Young spirit worn by an old soul, broken heart plated in gold.."*

Mute what's expressed by those oppressed by the righteous
Mourning temporary flames; they always burnt brightest
Droughts of emptiness that make the Sahara seem luscious
Developed dependencies on what gets you highest
What's left unspoken will only be answered with silence

Respect fractured souls who chose not to give in to the pressure
Cruel standards by which human worth has been routinely measured
Few bonds will not break; ties are easily severed..
292 · Apr 2015
I wrote this a while ago.
Xyns Apr 2015
I Fear You**

I don't fear many things
not death
not snakes
not love
not people
not pain

But you.

I fear you'll leave me
Find someone better
And no longer love me
While I'll be forever
Brokenhearted
Caught in endless despair

I fear you.

.............................................
It's funny how you confirmed all my fears. However, you haven't crippled me for life. I'm okay now.
291 · Sep 2014
Untitled
Xyns Sep 2014
The wind caressed me
As though it were a fervent lover

I turned, elated
Thinking you had returned

Only to find
That you still loved her.
290 · Jan 2015
What Happens Then?
Xyns Jan 2015
What about when the commitment dies?
What happens then?

What about when the love fades?
What happens then?

What about when all the dreams have gone away?
What happens then?

Or when all the lines blur to gray?
What happens then?



Tell me. Please.
What happens?
289 · Sep 2018
Wounded
Xyns Sep 2018
They say the pain is all mental
But I feel a sting in my temples..

Yes,
Babe,
You broke me.

Yes,
Babe,
I’m lonely.

But, no,
You can’t own me.

They say that it’s simple
...
But I think I’m crippled
288 · Oct 2017
I Think of You
Xyns Oct 2017
I think of you
When I'm alone and stuck in my head

I think of you
When you're gone and I'm in bed

I think of you
On the phone, when our calls end

I think of you
I'm not alone when i hold your hand

I think of you
When I look at where life has led

I think of you
And I'm In awe of all the things we've said

I think of you
When I'm hanging on by a thin thread

I think of you
And form more questions in my head

Like do you think about me too?
And What lies ahead?
288 · Nov 2014
...Reality...
Xyns Nov 2014
And suddenly it all hit me

....................

And now I feel empty
287 · Apr 2014
Tragic
Xyns Apr 2014
The love I feel for you
Is almost heartbreaking
I see the way you
Look at me
As though you're looking into me

The tormented shadow
I saw in your eyes
When they said
I'd be torn away from you
Opened fresh, stinging wounds

The way you understand
That I'm falling apart
Within myself
A little more everyday
Cripples my already limping heart

The tainted laughter
Shared between us
That I never fight
Only regret later on
Makes the pain nearly bearable

The feeling of being accepted
In an unconditional way
Is like an adrenaline rush
In my weary veins
And almost revives the hope I let die
286 · Nov 2017
Delapidated
Xyns Nov 2017
Sometimes I gotta wonder what the **** is this high that I'm chasing
Sadly, after all the drugs I'm still alone in my room pacing

Breaking blocks, those building blocks seem so dilapidated
******* words, truths seeming too **** constipated


Black ink stains find revival as I turn to gray and I'm fading
Head to toes, covered in dirt, then used and abused- degrading

Dirt cheap highs to save me from the lows I've been facing
*And **** all as I'm jaded and lost and find myself spacing
286 · Mar 2015
I mean it.
Xyns Mar 2015
I'm in love with you
I need you to know
I never wanted to let you go
285 · Mar 2014
I Choose You
Xyns Mar 2014
At this moment
I am telling you that I love you
I love everything about you
Your hair
Your lips
Your voice
Your skin
Your taste
I choose to keep you forever
Out of every human being on this planet
I Choose You
285 · Jul 2017
Untitled
Xyns Jul 2017
I just need an escape.

A way out of this place.

I'm in a bad mental space.
285 · Mar 2014
The Way I Love You
Xyns Mar 2014
Kisses
From head to toe
Hold me
All night long

Show me
The truth of us
I know
We're meant to be

These flames
They don't scare me
Our love
It burns brighter

Just speak
Talk to me all day
Love me
The Way I Love You
284 · Mar 2014
Addiction
Xyns Mar 2014
Dropping my third can on the floor
I can't even stand anymore
My heart races and my pulse pounds
Fear grips me in its icy embrace
Why can't I stop?
All self control, I have lost
Will to move on, I have none
I wipe the drops off my chin
Then I crack open another can
Put it to my mouth and tip it up
Downing it all, I just can't stop
thud thud thud
My heart almost bursts through my chest
My vision blurs
My words won't come
I feel my body **** as I cave in on myself
Four cans down, Two to go
If I'll survive, soon we'll know
{Monster Energy}
283 · Oct 2017
In This Write
Xyns Oct 2017
Within this write, there are things I want to share.
More effectively, I want to express my ideas on things- both good and unfair.
Furthermore, this is for me; I'm not writing in hopes that you care.

It's so filled with miscommunication; if you think so, I don't believe malevolence was the aim
No ****** needed; we weren't meant to be more- this is recent knowledge I've come to gain
We were galaxies- within both of us are constellations we're given the responsibility to contain

Both of us seem electric and maybe that's why it had to be emotional warfare
Or perhaps the currents burned us out and now we're emotionally impaired

A temporary Romeo whose mind manufactures illusions of a ride to imminent fame
Met this Juliet whose spirit had aged and set goals of recognition to obtain
Each tortured artistically, with the unpleasant disposition to over-explain

Somehow, despite the floods of words, coherent expressions were rare
You felt unnecessarily taxed while I felt time with you costed me a steep fare
I'm intimately drained after all the internal details I was pressured to share

Ideas of romantic success were forced by naivety to be entertained
Unhealthily encouraged by all the tiny kisses hesitantly exchanged

Journey by my side to where lust dwells- my innocence used to live there
The angels we once were have been tainted by wasted passions we declared
Leaving us merciless, as ours were never the sensitivities to be spared

There was no shortage of moments in which I doubted any of it was sane
With this write, I hope to prevent the ride from being taken in vain
In this write, I hope at least a few of my conflicted thoughts are made plain..
283 · Aug 2018
Be Still
Xyns Aug 2018
Still.
I cannot make you feel.

Still.
I cannot make you real.

And as I sit in the silence and stare
It seems I no longer feel you there
And I know that you’ll never care

But I can’t keep lying...
282 · Mar 2014
Perhaps
Xyns Mar 2014
Sometimes
I find it hard to believe
That we could choose to stay together always
And we could make it happen

Perhaps, I have allowed myself to believe
In Fate too much
Maybe I have given too much control
To Destiny
281 · Jun 2014
Move On
Xyns Jun 2014
Lite a fire
Beneath the wings
Of the clarity
That will propel
Our yesterday
Into history
281 · May 2014
Tainted
Xyns May 2014
My gaze now fixed in newly born sadness

My hopes all set in an infinite melancholy

Your touch no longer pure and joyful

But now tinged with taint and regret

Your words no longer lively and renewing

But now shadowed by emptiness and shame

A love that was so refreshing

A relationship that had become my muse

Temporarily reduced to confusion and hidden pain

My own tears shed in the darkness

While I hide them for your sanity

This eats away at my stability

At this moment, us no longer holds tranquility
280 · Oct 2017
Bleed Me Dry
Xyns Oct 2017
It makes me sick to my stomach and oh so intensely nauseous
How I helplessly play your laugh on loop, like an involuntary shrine, inside my aching head

Stunning smile, smooth voice belonging to a trickster so skillfully dishonest
New self-made self-esteem; empowered to say you can save yourself instead

Sin-stained waltz with a demon, misery's baggage kept hidden in closets
Black and white scenes bleeding grey; colors slaughtered as beauty is violated then abandoned- dim, dull, and dead


A cheap shell of a person, drained dry then discarded- intimacy ******* and cautious
Belittled my self-worth, fed your ego; *emotional homicide every night I layed on "my side" of your bed..
280 · Mar 2014
Don't Get To Know Me
Xyns Mar 2014
Don't look into my eyes
Please don't read my soul

You'll see things you don't want to see
You'll know things you don't want to know

Don't look into my thoughts
Please don't read between the lines

You'll see my darkest secrets
You'll learn my most disturbed characteristics

Don't get to know me
Please don't try to find the truth

You'll find my flaws
And You'll stop loving me
280 · May 2014
We Make Love.
Xyns May 2014
We don't have ***.
No, we don't ****.
We make love.
And it's wonderful.
Xyns May 2014
It caressed her breath
The sweet smell of misery

It danced on her words
The patient body of hate

It slipped in between the lines
The worthy intent of corruption

It passed through her eyes
The playful shade of pain

It spoke in her place
The kind whisper of doubt

It clung to her heaving chest
The loving sting of death
278 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
And she drowned herself in the music
So that she couldn't hear her thoughts
278 · Oct 2014
Untitled
Xyns Oct 2014
I love you.

Sadly
277 · May 2014
Confessions 2
Xyns May 2014
I am ruled by an addiction.
However, this addiction is not my own.
It is someone else's, someone who should be more important that anyone on this planet to me.
But, because of her addiction, is no more than a horrible burden that does nothing but bring tears and hatred.
277 · Mar 2015
Missing You.
Xyns Mar 2015
You were my best friend
My lover
I gave all I had to make you happy

Honestly, though everyone would hate me
I'd take you back in a heart beat

I never knew that
Losing you
Would hurt this bad

I need some closure
Just a hug would do

I'm not ready for us to be over
I need you to be around

I'm still in love with you
And everything I said was true
I just wish we'd never fallen apart

I want you to fall in love with me again
Maybe, perhaps, we could start over?
From the top, the beginning

I need you around.
I need you to still love me.

You win.

I don't know what I'm gonna do without you..
277 · Mar 2014
Stay Here
Xyns Mar 2014
Baby, hold me
Love me
Stay here, and lay here with me

I wished on that star
So many times
For you to be mine, my infinity

Baby, hold me
Love me
Stay here, and sleep here with me
277 · Mar 2014
Legacy
Xyns Mar 2014
"And if you fall
I'll get you there
I'll be your savior
From all the wars
That are fought
Inside your world
Please have faith in my words
'Cause this is my legacy"
Legacy by Eminem
275 · Sep 2014
Untitled
Xyns Sep 2014
I want you and only you

I don't wanna leave you

Cuz I know for the rest of my whole life
I'm gonna need you

I'll need you to breathe

Like a breath of fresh air on a summer day

But I know that you've done gone
And you've strayed away

Why does it have to be so hard?

You've become my most important part

So I know if i should ever walk away
*I'll be leaving behind my heart
275 · Sep 2014
Untitled
Xyns Sep 2014
No, I'm not ****
It's true, I'm not the coolest
But when it comes to love
I'll treat you the best
272 · Apr 2014
Confessions
Xyns Apr 2014
Dear Love,

When you're with me
You heal my heart

But when you're away
I'm sad to say I fall apart
Everytime.
271 · May 2014
Doomsday Came Yesterday
Xyns May 2014
while we sat
and we waited
talking about nothing
too much to think about

                                                          ­         while we worried
                                                         ­          and we debated
                                                         ­          moving for nothing
                                                         ­          too tired to end our rest

it all fell apart
we watched
we felt but
we made no attempt to help

                                                           ­        our energy was gone
                                                            ­       we had determined we'd stay alone
                                                           ­        too exhausted from life
                                                            ­       to care that our world was falling

while we rode the tide
into oblivion
not changing course
or crying about anything

                                                       ­            while we felt our lives
                                                           ­        crumble before us
                                                              ­     not minding that it was over
                                                            ­       or seeking out refuge

we held hands
and shared one last kiss
for our love
was all we'd really miss
270 · Mar 2014
Why?
Xyns Mar 2014
My flesh
Why must you forsake me
You give away
My deepest, blackest secrets

My voice
Why must you portray me
You tremble
And give away my hiding emotions

My love
Why must you obey me
You follow
My heart, and you deny my mind
270 · Mar 2014
Save You
Xyns Mar 2014
I want to save you
From all your pain
From all the shame

I want to take you
Away from the anger
Away from the wrong

I want to save you
So that maybe
You could save me
269 · May 2014
One and the Same
Xyns May 2014
you feel pain
and fear
the world is so cruel
no one really cares
well, except for me and you

you're alone in this
you say no one could understand
but remember
you have me
take my hand

we've both suffered loss
and we've both been through hell
here, i have the scars to prove it
and so do you
so why wouldn't i get it?

i understand your pain
though my situation was different
but still it hurt like crazy
and ripped me apart
just as this has done to you

when you cry
i cry just the same
your pain
becomes my own
i feel your every mood

your emotions reflect in me
your anger infects me
your happiness bathes me
your violation degrades me
and your living changes me

we're the same
in so many different ways
so know that i'm always here
you're never alone
so that may lessen your fear

i've given myself to you
so use my feelings if you have to
to feel joy and happiness
flooding through my love
you can find everything you need within me

me and you
you and me
we're like clones, copies
we're one and the same
you'll always have me
269 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
Maybe this is the caffeine talking
Or this is the overload on creatine

But I love you.
You mean the world to me.
269 · Mar 2015
Honey,
Xyns Mar 2015
Doll, you're like that one day in Autumn

When the sun shines just right
It's not dull, but not too bright

When the clouds barely dot the sky
And the wind blows like a subtle sigh


Dear, you're a tall glass of sparkling water

That drink of water that seems just right
That cools you down and makes you feel alright

That water you need when the day's been hot
And that drink of icy cold just hits the spot


*Thank You.
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