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Feb 2015 · 782
D-Day.
Xyns Feb 2015
It felt like D-Day
My world came crashing down
In explosions and
Broken devotions

I broke my own heart
When I broke yours
I felt the pop
The sting
The crack
And finally the suffering

You probably hate me
Because I seem happy
But constantly I'm crying
If only within me

All you ever gave me
Was love and care
But you couldn't soothe
The burning
The nightmares
Though you came close

Why did I give up?
I didn't.
Not really.
But you'll never see.

Because when
The Sun set last night
It set on us
And while the colors were bright
They were dull
They were old

It's nothing new
My ridiculous apologies
My own self loathing
It's actually quite old

I suppose that's why
I got kicked out last night
Well..I'm in tears now
But that I won't show
Because pain is weakness
Reminding me I'm alone

So good night
Farewell
Sweet dreams
And goodbye to all the notes
And emotions we'll never share
Feb 2015 · 469
Your Heart
Xyns Feb 2015
And there it was
Beating in my hands

I didn't know
What to do with it

So I threw it down
**Leaving it in the sand
I'm Sorry, Dear.
Feb 2015 · 517
Woe
Xyns Feb 2015
Woe
When we were good
                   We were wonderful
When we were ok
                   We were invincible
But when we were broken
                   We were shattered..
Feb 2015 · 228
Untitled
Xyns Feb 2015
That love was
A broken symphony
A cracked melody
One with which
Not even we
Could compete
Jan 2015 · 1.3k
Cheers
Xyns Jan 2015
Cheers
To the giggles
The midnight texts
The long hugs
The corny love songs
The fake rose in the bouquet
The inside jokes
The piƱa coladas
The bubbly sodas
The slow walks
The Monsters
The lucky charms
The twixes
The Cheerios
The piled up Mountain Dews
The squeaks and hiccups
The "Hiccup"s
The shared secrets
The references in this poem
The ones no one else will get

Cheers to our friendship.
I know, it's more of a list than a poem. But still.

Nikki Gryphon
Jan 2015 · 813
Hopsin
Xyns Jan 2015
"This life is all I've got.
And heaven is all in my brain."
Ill Mind 7
Jan 2015 · 224
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
I miss when
The words were
Innocent.
Jan 2015 · 497
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
I liked How you said "Meh"
Because I say that too..

I liked how you said "Yus"
Because I say that too..

I liked how you used words..real words
Because I use them too..

I liked how you liked Red Dawn
Because I like it too..

I liked how you liked Lord of the Rings
Because I like it too..

I liked how you were atheist
Because I'm atheist too..

I liked everything you said
Because I was thinking it too..
Jan 2015 · 884
A Father's Poem
Xyns Jan 2015
She's a soft cool rain on a hot summer's day.
She makes me laugh with the funny things she has to say.

She's the beat of my heart, and the air that I breathe.
She's the sun and the wind, and (Autumn's) golden leaves.

She's the pride that I feel when I know she's done what's right.
She's that warm feeling I get, when I remember tucking her in at night.

She is homework and a busy social life.
She has this beautiful smile that could light the darkest night.

She is the scared feeling I have when she stays out late.
Or the feeling that I am losing her, when she wants to date.

She's the mixed emotions I have, as I watch her mature and grow.
I tell myself she will never leave, but, I know in my heart that someday she will go.

I hope the man that steals her heart, will treat her like a queen.
Because she deserves so much more, than a man that treats her mean.

I will always cherish the heart wonderful times we have had.
The best part of my life was being her dad.

So now you know who she is, she's my little girl.
I love her with all my heart and always will
Written by my dad.
Jan 2015 · 1.8k
I Hate People.
Xyns Jan 2015
I hate people.
They anger me.
They're ridiculous.
It irritates me.

I hate people.
They frustrate me.
They're so stupid.
It upsets me.

I hate people.
Jan 2015 · 445
So Far..
Xyns Jan 2015
"I'm Mr bright side
Glass is half full.
But my tank is half empty
Gasket just blew."
Eminem
Jan 2015 · 403
I Miss You.
Xyns Jan 2015
I miss you.

Not this you.

The You I first met.

The You I understood.

Not this you.

I miss you.
Jan 2015 · 240
Yep.
Xyns Jan 2015
Love is a fairytale

My heart is a game

Emotions are complicated

And I'm to blame
Jan 2015 · 712
i need you..
Xyns Jan 2015
I have those moments
When all I want to do is
Read your words
Hear your voice
Hold you close
And feel your warmth..

And I have those moments
When all I want to do is
Finally drown
In this ocean
Of endless sadness
And just slip into gray..

Right now
I feel both
And I need you here
To lie to me and say
Everything is ok
And you're going to stay..
This is to you.
The guy I dream about.
The guy I've fallen for.
The guy I've damaged.
The guy I don't deserve.
Jan 2015 · 322
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
They tell me it's bad for me.
They tell me that they care..

But they don't know it's their fault
They don't realize they did this to me

They called me fat, and lazy
So now I take pills to lose weight with creatine

I get hyper on them to stay happy
I'm addicted to the things that hurt me

All the caffeine is the reason that I smile
And, without it, I'd be suicidal
Jan 2015 · 2.0k
Pills N Potions
Xyns Jan 2015
Pills and potions
We're overdosing
I'm angry but I still love you

Pills and potions
We're overdosing
Can't stand it but I still love you
Nicki Minaj
Jan 2015 · 272
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
Maybe this is the caffeine talking
Or this is the overload on creatine

But I love you.
You mean the world to me.
Jan 2015 · 1.4k
The Motions
Xyns Jan 2015
I'm at that point again
When all I want to do is sleep

My eyelids feel constantly heavy
And my body continuously aches

My emotions are dormant
And my smiles are fake

I'm just going through the motions
I feel pointless, a waste of space

I've been here before, I know
But I don't remember what changed
Xyns Jan 2015
So familiarize what having to swallow this pill is like
It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life
And it's as though you feel you've died because you've been killed inside
But yet you're still alive which means you will survive
Although today you may weep because you're weak and
Everything seems so bleek and hopeless
The life that you're seeking, it begins to seep in
That's the only thing keeping you from leaping off the motherfreaking deep end

And I'm pulling for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healing
And by tomorrow you may even feel so good that you're willing
To forgive them even after all that **** you been put through.
This feeling of resilience is building.
And the flames are burning quick as fire would.
Through this building. you're sealed in
But you're fireproof, flame retardant, you withstood it.
And as you climb up to the roof, you're just chillin' and you look down
'Cause you're so over them you could put the heel of your foot through the ceiling.

As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's goin' down in flames
Throw the match, set the past ablaze

So feel the fire beneath your feet
As you barely even perspire from the heat
Exhale deep and breathe a sigh of relief
And as you say goodbye to the grief
It's like watching the walls melt in your prison cell
But you've extinguished this living hell
Still a little piece of you dies, you scream..
Beautiful Pain by Eminem ft Sia. This song keeps me going when I want to stop.
Jan 2015 · 323
Random
Xyns Jan 2015
What are these words
Coming from my pen
Oh, right. They're honesty
I love you again
Jan 2015 · 526
How Love Goes..
Xyns Jan 2015
When we began
It was beautiful

We'd stay up for hours
Just talking about nothing

We'd agree on everything
Even the bad things

We'd make out Like
It would **** us to stop

The people we were
Were perfect together

..........................

But you're not that you
And I'm not that Me

The people we are now
Just aren't meant to be

That's what happens
Love does that
Jan 2015 · 293
What Happens Then?
Xyns Jan 2015
What about when the commitment dies?
What happens then?

What about when the love fades?
What happens then?

What about when all the dreams have gone away?
What happens then?

Or when all the lines blur to gray?
What happens then?



Tell me. Please.
What happens?
Jan 2015 · 817
Another Confession
Xyns Jan 2015
I don't even remember
How happiness felt

And think that's the worst part

That I don't even have
A memory to hold on to
Jan 2015 · 407
Ya Know?
Xyns Jan 2015
Ya know,
I think I'm dead inside..
Jan 2015 · 946
"Me"
Xyns Jan 2015
******* it!
I'm not your muse.
Or inspiration.

I'm just me
There's nothing else I can be..

Can't you see?
I'm cracked, broken, shattered..
Permanently damaged..

I'll never be what you need..
That's to everyone.
About everything.

Because this me
Will never be worthy..
Jan 2015 · 278
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
And she drowned herself in the music
So that she couldn't hear her thoughts
Jan 2015 · 541
Psychosis
Xyns Jan 2015
Every day of my life
I'm caught in this depressing,
Overly dramatic trap
My brain.

My thoughts are lame
They lack typical emotion,
Like happiness, joy
It's inhumane.

I think nothing but pain
No kindness or understand
No relief ever comes
Just rage.

I'm constantly angry
Living in a demented,
Upset, depressed mind
I'm caged.

I imagine mass ******
A sweet, comforting genocide
Gosh, I know it's crazy
I'm insane..

I beat on the walls of my cell
Scratch at the floor continuously
Until my skin peels off
And my nails bleed

I throw myself at these bars
Try to bend them, break them
Bang my head on the sink
Losing my mind, you see..

I see skies of red
By skin is turning blue
My heart is racing
My thoughts are a darker hue

I scream, cry, shout
Sob and weep
Pitying myself
I'm so weak..

My flesh is crawling
Maybe if I tear it off..
Will I escape my eternal damnation?
I want to leave this internal prison..

Why am  I this way..
I hate the things I say
No wonder nobody loves me..
God..why doesn't someone ****** me?!

I don't deserve the bitter air I breathe
My life isn't worth this bleeding
But maybe I'm unworthy of healing..
It wouldn't surprise me
Jan 2015 · 3.4k
An Unpopular Poem
Xyns Jan 2015
This is probably not going to trend
You probably won't click that heart down there
I'm sure no one will re-post it
And not a single person will comment

This is an unpopular poem
Written by an unpopular poet
Using unpopular words
Expressing unpopular thoughts

I understand no one will want to read this
No one will take the time to consider it
Not a soul will get what I'm saying
And I'm positive nobody will like it

I don't think people are put on Earth for a reason
I don't think we have any destined significance
If we did, where would the beauty be?
We'd all be bound for one thing, one destiny

Who would want that? Really?
That strips away our freedom to choose, I think..
And I'm sure many of you are going to disagree
And you're going to fling at me your religious beliefs

I just don't think that way; it doesn't make sense to me
I don't see the mystical powers you all so desperately believe
Or the God you say is here to take care of me
I don't understand why this is something you could believe

So here you have it
An unpopular poem thing
Scripted by an unpopular poet, me
This is something I'm sure no one will read..
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
"Today's a painful reminder
Of why it can only get brighter.."
Beautiful Pain. Eminem. Sia.
Jan 2015 · 218
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
"Feels like a close is coming to.
The **** am I gonna do?
It's too late to start over.."
Guts Over Fear. Eminem

"Trip wires fill this house with tip toe love.."
Jan 2015 · 201
Untitled
Xyns Jan 2015
Dear...
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know how to be happy.

Dear...
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry that you've fallen victim..

Dear..
You've fallen victim to my brokenness..
Dec 2014 · 388
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
"Do what makes you happy."

If I knew what made me happy
I wouldn't be in this situation.
Dec 2014 · 307
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
It feels like everyone's staring
But nobody sees me
Everyone sees the bad things
My messy hair
The sad clothes I wear

They're judging me
Based on shallow things
They don't care about the actual me
Just what I can't be
My beauty, they'll never see
Dec 2014 · 266
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
It's 5:30 in the morning..
I haven't slept all night..
And all I want in the world..
Is to call you..
And hear you telling me..
How much you love me..
Dec 2014 · 497
Trying To Find Myself
Xyns Dec 2014
I find myself
Laying awake at night
Staring blankly at my ceiling
Wondering what went wrong

I find myself
Drinking so much
That I can't feel my face
Let alone this suffocating pain

I find myself
Craving cigarettes
And my friend Mary Jane
And smoking myself to sleep

I find myself
Thinking about you
Remembering your embrace
Finding this too hard to face

I find myself
Regretting my decisions
Every single choice I've made
And hating every breath I take
#me
Dec 2014 · 246
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
I made a mistake.
Dec 2014 · 220
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
I wanna hit my head
on this cinder block wall
until I can't remember
why I did it in the first place.
Dec 2014 · 482
Brick Wall
Xyns Dec 2014
It hit me like a brick wall

Like I had been punched in the gut with pain, despair, and self loathing..
And it continues to come in waves..
Dec 2014 · 217
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
I find it really extremely irritating when I'm just trying to write and read poetry and I get messages from someone trying to scam me out of money. If anyone tells you that they need to tell you something important but they need you to email them, It's all lies. They're trying to get you to send money. Just ignore the message altogether. I've already gotten two of them.
Dec 2014 · 1.5k
Trust Issues
Xyns Dec 2014
Sadly, the fear is setting in
My trust issues are surfacing
And I'm afraid it wasn't true..
But baby You know I believe you..
I just have some problems to work through

Loving me is going to be a challenge
I'm going to make you want to leave
Make you dread staying
I'm going to ruin your mood and mine
And you're going to have to work overtime

But remember dear, I'm working too
Trying to fix myself so that I can be
Good enough for someone like you
You're my Player 1 and that amazes me
So, I love you. Just bear with me.
Dec 2014 · 196
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
I need help.
I feel hollow.
........
Is this how freedom is supposed to feel?
Dec 2014 · 524
Change of Heart
Xyns Dec 2014
Get me drunk
Get me high

Watch me laugh
Watch me cry

Help me make mistakes
Help me get through today

I want to mess up
I want to feel alive

I've had a change of heart, you see.
**I no longer want what's good for me.
Dec 2014 · 339
Trust?
Dec 2014 · 200
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
I guess I'll never get to be confident.




I'll never be good enough.
Dec 2014 · 297
What would I wish for?
Xyns Dec 2014
Simplicity.
That's all I want.
Dec 2014 · 296
Alien
Xyns Dec 2014
Yeah. It's different.
But I love variety.
Dec 2014 · 545
Peace.
Xyns Dec 2014
No conflict.
Dec 2014 · 204
Oh My..
Xyns Dec 2014
Oh My..
I'm so afraid I made a mistake..
I miss you more with every breath that I take..
Oh My..
I like him so much..
I don't want to not have him..
Oh My..
But I miss how comfortable we were..
How easy it was to be with you..
Oh My..
I can't even hold his hand without panicking..
It feels wrong to be with another guy..
Oh My..
And I see it hurting you..
But I don't want to hurt you..
Oh My..
I don't know what I want..
But it feels like I'll never happy..
Dec 2014 · 173
Untitled
Xyns Dec 2014
So...he told me not to talk to you anymore..

But..as ******* as you make me..

I want to talk to you...even just as friends..

I need you..ya know..but I also want him..

Hell...I don't know what to do..
Dec 2014 · 1.9k
Best Friend
Xyns Dec 2014
My best friend
Knows me
Better than I do
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