How can I be myself
When I don't know who I am?

And suddenly it all hit me

....................

And now I feel empty

He told me that I
Was his little secret  
I told him that he
Was worth the pain  

He told me that I
Could hold his hand
I told him that he
Could bring me shame

And I know that it's wrong
And I know I should change  

But the words that he said
They drove me insane  

And I know that it's wrong
And I know I should change  

But  

He told me that I
Was his sweetest pain
I told him that he
Was my best mistake  

He told me that I
Could be his favorite lie
I told him that he
Could make me cry..

Well, here we go
Repeating the past

I swore i wouldn't
But I'm weak

So once again
I'm texting him

Oh. So you're back.
I knew it.
She didn't cut it
So you've come back around.

You still have faith in us?

Where was that faith
When you left me?

Where was that faith
When I begged desperately?

Where was that faith
When you moved on from me?

It wasn't there.
You left.
**So now it's my turn to bail.

I've spent most of my life running

Running from my past

From what I used to be


I've spent most of my life running

Running from the truth

From my horrible reality


I've spent most of my life running

Running blindly, endlessly

Recklessly escaping, retreating


I've spent most of my life running

But maybe you can only run so much

Until you just can't go any farther


Maybe you can only escape so much

Before your running is pointless

Because you've been running in circles the whole time..

I wish I wasn't me.
Then maybe things would be easy.

In a world full of diamonds and emeralds
People with purpose, with great destinies
People who will accomplish great things

I sit among the gravel, the poor few
Who know not what to do
Who can only see the view

We simply go with the flow
Knowing not what to become
What good things we could have done

Those like us, confused and lost
Thinking in blank lines
Thinking in empty sounds

We are the ones wishing
For guidance and clarity
For a chance to be lovely

Dull is gravel, overlooked..ignored
We sit waiting to know more
We sit wanting a chance to soar

Not laziness or bitterness in us
We wish to find our talents
We wish to find our places

We are the gravel, the poor few
Who know not what to do
Who can only enjoy the view

I just want to take a moment to address a very real problem.

Racism.

I find that the most racist people are usually southern Christians.
And this I don't understand at all..

Christians read the Bible and live by what it says.
At least, they claim to.

The Bible teaches love of all men.
Everyone is made in the image of God, the Creator, the Almighty.

Since all men are made in the image of God,
Are all men not equal?

Every man is equal to every other man.
No person is superior or inferior.

Thus, racism goes against what the Bible is supposed to teach.
So a Christian's racism is against their religion and should be frowned upon.

Also, Southerners are typically the most religious.
Why then is racism such an issue in the south?

It makes no sense for Christians to be racist.
Those who are racist Christians are ignorant and obviously not true Christians.

And to anyone who chooses to use their childhood upbringings as an excuse:
That makes you even more ignorant.

You should be able to think for yourself and realize that your prejudice is idiotic.
And because you claim to have been raised into racism, you are simply blaming your parents for your idiocy and they are just as ignorant as you are.

Everybody has dreams.
They dream about being great things.
They want to save the world.
They want to become millionaires.
They have goals and hopes.

But me, no.
I simply want to get through today.
I just want to remain alive and well.
I know I have more potential than most.
I know of myself I could make something.


But I'd rather aim low and be excited about my accomplishments
Than to shoot for extraordinary things and be let down yet again..

If I left..
I disappeared..
And I never came near..
.......
I doubt you'd even notice.

**** me if it makes you feel alive

Drain me if it makes you feel revived

Hate me if it makes you feel alright

Hurt me if it makes you feel complete

Suffocate me if it helps you breathe

Cut me if it stops your bleeding

Slap me if it calms your nerves

.........................................................­.......

**** me if it makes you feel alive

I fell in love with you.
But then you took that away.
And gave that "in love" to her.
And left me with blank lines.
And empty dreams.

I feel like I'm drowning
But I'm on dry land

I'm gripping so tightly
But there's nothing in my hands

I'm sleeping sublimely
But I'm dreaming chaotic things

You are nothing
That I'd fight for
Why?
Because I already fought.
I did all I can do
So now I give up on you.

I want to write

But i can think of nothing

...............

I want to cry

But i can feel no sorrow

...............

I want to sing

But i can hear no melody

...............

I want to dance

But i can feel no rhythm

...............

I want to know

But i can know no certainty

...............

I want to write

But i can think of nothing

I go through your page

over and over

And it makes me feel

Like you're here

i miss you

But all i have is your page

And sometimes your voice

from far away

I don't get to touch you

No hugs can be given

I don't get to see you

All i have is pictures

on your page

So when I miss you

I read your poems

And I remember you

*I'm going to go look at your page

The most painful words
Are the words left unspoken.
....

It truly amazes me
That after so much

All the words you said
All the things you did
All the feelings you caused

That you can just stop
And you can just leave
And, to you,
I never meant a thing

..........................................................­.............................


It truly amazes me

Sit me down
Tell me how
Terrible I've been

Lock me down
Crowd around
Show me how to change

Call the doctors
Get the pastors
Exercise this place


*but remember to ignore the fact
That I'm not insane
Treat me like a child
Criticize my brain
Open up the flood gates
And let me be enraged
All you've done is hurt me
You know I'll never change

Is The Most Painful Realization You Can Come To

If I'm an angel
Strip me of my wings
My halo
And my grace

And fling me down to Hell
Where I will
Rightfully
Take my place

I love you.

Sadly

Society.
Sometimes it sickens me.

This is a note
To you.
I'm sure you'll know who you are if you read this*

You've become a weakness for me
Someone I can't stop thinking about
You're on my mind constantly
And I know this is crossing that line
That was drawn last night
But there's a chance you'll never read this
And I'm not telling you in person
So, really, this is alright to do

You're one of the greatest people I've ever met
And for some reason I can't get you out of my head
I can't focus on anything
Sometimes it's internally embarrassing
Also, I can't comprehend why
Someone like you, so wonderful and unique
Would ever even think of someone like me
Someone so drab and boring

I'm supposed to be doing math right now
But these thoughts kept nagging at me
And since I'm not supposed to tell you personally
This is all I can do
And at this moment i feel ten times better
Than what I used to
And you'll probably never see this..
But at least I got this off my chest.

But what about me?

Through all the painful pleading
Now I can finally breathe

It's like a flood of relief
Sadly, I'm drowning

A pro at surviving
I've forgotten what being alive means

It's the death after the sting
Yet I've never been a living being

Now after everything
When all is said and done

When it's all finally peeked
And the ****** is the suppressed past

What about me?

All I've ever wanted was to be "one of the cool kids"
Be accepted.
And now that I am
I miss how fun life was
When nobody knew me
And how unique my thoughts were
Now that I'm "popular"
Everything feels less special
And more drained, lifeless
I miss the days when nobody knew my name

When did dating become a game?
And get so trashed?
Now all we think about is
"Hey, look at dat ***!"

People aren't special anymore
Legs are like open doors
We go from one to another
Wonder why we haven't found the right lover?