I went on a date today,
Another painstakingly empty promise of a better tomorrow.

I went on a date today,
And tried my best not to be filled with sorrow.

I felt bad for my date today,
His sincere compliments echoed in the emptiness of my heart.

What a gem, he was, my date today,
Offering everything I looked for in you, without being asked.

I watched as my date today,
Searched my eyes for a sign of warmth and affection

But to his disappointment, my date today
Only saw 2 pools of black that concealed the pain of her heart's deception.

As I stared blankly at my date today,
I briefly wondered why it couldn't be him

Because at the end of the date today,
I know I'll tell him I don't want any strings

I still went on that date today,
Shoving my feelings down, learning to hate you and letting my wits rise above.

But at the end of the day,
My hatred for you is just a blurred word for love.

You're not mine and I don't want you to be.
But I want to claim your attention like a trophy.

It's not love, but it's something new.
Not many would understand what's between me and you.

Your kisses caress my skin softly,
And leave a trail of burning desire as I moan breathlessly.
I crave your touch and to feel you against me.
What is this forbidden dance of passion and fantasy?

Yet I do not dare to question this mystery.
I let myself enjoy our bodies moving in harmony.

No, you're not mine, and I don't want you to be.
Yet what is this gnawing feeling that grows inside me?

I tell myself not to think too much.
But you always know how to make me blush.

I let a tear drop fall at the thought of the fate of of us.
Not daring to question what we are or make a fuss.

Screams all around me,
There's chaos I cannot control.
Yet there's a subtle calm inside me,
Because I don't get into trouble.
I watch the flying words of hate and anger,
Curling its hands around the throat of its victim.
They don't know, you cant choke someone who doesn't breathe freely
Amidst the noise, my cry for help is still the loudest.
If only someone were to hear me.

Do you?
Tell me, do you feel all the space between us?
All the unsaid words?
Is it just me that suffocates in silence?

I wonder if I drove myself to this insanity.
Thinking. Feeling. Thinking. Worrying
Why do I do this to myself?

Do you?
Tell me, do you feel the break in your heart?
The fear that surrounds you
The fear of being lonely

I wonder if I could have saved myself
What if I never felt the warmth of your love?
I wouldn’t have to feel the winter of loneliness that creeps on me

Do you?
Tell me, do you long to go back in time?
A time where nothing mattered but each other
A time where you loved me freely

I wonder if I hadn’t taken those times for granted
Would I be pining for one more, just one more kiss?
Would I feel the same hollowness that swallows me whole?

Do you?
Do you still love me as I love you?

Maybe if I knew it was the last time, I could have held you closer
Maybe if I knew it was the last time, I would have loved you better
I’d kiss a little slow,
And hug a little tight
Prepare to fall and not break apart,
I’d do it all again,
If I had another chance,
I couldn’t give up without trying

They teach you to love, but not about the heartache,
The pain becomes too much with every breath that I take.
I can’t stop asking why,
We had to say goodbye,
You can’t just say it’ll be alright.
My scars know that’s a lie,
My tears have all run dry,
Can’t even get through this night.

Maybe if I knew it was the last time, I could have loved you a little better
Maybe if I knew it was the last time, I would have loved you a little harder

These pools of black, and heart of glass will not survive the pain.
The ups and downs, demons and clowns will haunt me till the end.
And I can't help but wonder,
If I can get through without a blunder.
Maybe we could go back to the place we were,
The smiles in pain, the lies, and cries, and heartbreak,
The love in hate, the real in fake, could we get past these mistakes?
Because these pools of black and this heart of glass will not survive the pain.
The ups and downs, demons and clowns will haunt you till the end.

What is it about you that holds me smitten? Is it,

These hands,
These hands that send me to ecstasy.
These hands that entwine with mine.
These very hands that hold me close to you.

These lips,
These lips that caress my body, loving me, kissing me.
These lips that whisper "I love you".
These lips that entitle me as yours.

These eyes,
These eyes that look into my soul.
These eyes that hold promises of tomorrow.
These eyes that are drunk with love, love for me.
These eyes that see me and accept me for who I am.

This heart,
This heart that cares for me.
This heart that would chose me over and over again.
This heart that loves me.
This heart that belongs to me.
©waywardvarsha