Living in this broken home
I just can't
I'm better off if I just roam
I shan't
Linger in a place so vile
I shall walk every mile
To get away from this nightmare
Because none of this is fair
Not like many would take notice or care

A small load
To help me down the road
Bound in leather
I hope tonight shall have good weather
As I go along the street
On these silent feet

Going where?
I don't care
Somewhere safe
My confidence may chafe
But I shall be strong
To go a distance long
Find a safe haven
And read "The Raven"

Possibly as far as our dear western shore
Oh, I hope the road won't be a bore
And I don't run into any a *****
Dear me, am I ready?
Is my mind all a steady?
Surely so,
Or else I won't go

Chance it, I must
Free from the sickening rust
Of these chains of home
Oh, the streets I shall roam

Take me, oh night
Under your endless sky, with my plight
Guide my way with your stars
Whilst I hide my scars
Nearly faded
I hope the journey isn't jaded

Running free
That's how I shall be
All night if I must
In my chances, I trust
Hope for something better
Oh, should I leave a letter?

To flee a broken home
I must roam
These streets at night
My response is flight
I must
This home I shall ******
Behind me as I run
This is not for fun
No, dear, no
This place I must let go.

- Jay M
February 4th, 2020

For my love I have a plan
So much to do - oh man
This plan so grand
For so long I have planned -
Now to spill
Oh, what a thrill!

So much to do
And all for you
My love, I don’t mind
But oh time I’m not sure I can find
Ah, oh well!
All shall be swell!
After all, it is for you that I fell.

First I must clean the house;
I must sweep the downstairs,
My anxiety I must dowse
Oh but who cares

I must sweep the porch and walkway,
Tell him, “Come, go this way!”
No dust at his feet
Take him inside and from the heat

I must clean the table,
Oh I hope I am able
Make sure on my feet I’m not unstable
Oh my dizzy spells
Are tiny hells

I must clean the placemats,
Shoo away the pesky cats
Little things get their fur everywhere
Oh but who gives a care

I must clear the clutter from the piano,
Think of my friend the soprano
She’s a good singer
But slow to answer her ringer

Then I must decorate;
Oh this house no one shall hate
Besides I, I suppose
Oh, I think I’ll give him a rose!

I must put the carpetes on the piano,
Nevermind the soprano
What a voice
On the carpetes I can put flowers or candles
With no handles
Oh what a choice!

I must place the smooth stones and flowers in the walkway,
Make them say, “Hey, come this way!”
Inviting him in
Oh, his heart I did win
This is a celebration of my love
Just for my Love

I must place the stool by the door,
Place his card on it and oh not the floor
Hope he likes it and keeps it
Hope he knows I am of wit

I must put the ribbon downstairs,
I don’t know if he cares
But I certainly do
Oh Love, I do this all for you

Next I must cook and bake;
I must make the steak,
Get the recipe from my stepdad
Oh I sure hope he’s glad
I can make this myself
And have a picture on the shelf

I must make the mashed potatoes,
No, I won’t touch the tomatoes
Those are for next week
Not my dinner to cook
I’m not that weak
I can be a good cook

I must bake the brownies,
They say you can smell them for counties
I hope they taste sweet
And not like feet

Finally I must get myself ready;
I must shower, clean my hair and body,
So I’m not still plastered with sweat
Oh and I bet
You’ll just look so good
Just like I know you would

I must wear something nice,
No, it will not be of high price
If it were I would leave it hanging
Like the photographs overhanging
In my room
Where roses bloom

I must do something with my hair,
Not that anyone would care
None but I
Still I try

I must put my lotion on,
This cracked flesh it must go upon
To heal me
Of this eczema I wish to be free

After all that;
I will give my arm a pat
An indication for him to take it
This great planning a display of my wit
I shall walk him to the door
Read him the card then read no more

Escort him inside
The dogs both aside
Have him pick a seat
While ready is the potatoes and tender meat
To be served
I supposed I would be observed
As I bring him a plate
Oh this is so great!

Ask him if he would like a drink
Once poured, our glasses will clink
A sign of good fortune and luck
And as I gaze into those eyes, I am lovestruck

We shall dine
Oh this heart of mine
Beating loudly in its cage
As tonight I have taken center stage
And brought all the light just for my Love

After we dine,
After I gaze into those eyes divine,
I bring out dessert
It won’t be too hot, so it won’t hurt

Once dessert is through
I’ll look to you
And ask what you would like to do

A movie, perhaps?
Seated side by side, a blanket on our laps
My hand in yours
Holding me, this ensures
My mind may wander
Oh the things that silently ponder
Whilst I am by your side.

- Jay M
January 30th, 2020

Feeling so alone
Chilled to the bone
Our house is no longer a home
All day I can do nothing but roam
Searching for answers where there is nothing
Cannot grasp that something
That just isn't there
And all I can do is care
So much
Maybe too much
It's all I can think about
Filled with worry and doubt

Without you, mom
I can hardly keep calm
No little pill
Will ever fill
The gaping hole in my heart
That's your part

This aching
Nothing good baking
In the oven you so proudly bought
For every dollar you fought
And cheered so triumphantly
You laughed, so funnily
Now you're not here
I'm living my worst fear;
Losing you

You're not gone from this world
But you're temporarily gone from mine
My fingers curled
Into fists, these small hands of mine

Mom, I love you
And I long to hear you say
"I love you too"
And for the day
When you come home.

- Jay M
January 28th, 2020

She was feeling
Hopeless
She was kneeling
Teary eyed, helpless
I stood at her side
Tried to match her stride
Make her feel not so alone
Then she told me; it was chilling to the bone

Oh mom
Please just stay calm
It's okay not to be okay
So listen to me when I say;

Mom, you're not the only one
You smile and you call me ***
Being the super-mom
Acting tough and calm
But inside you cry
You cry and you cry
And hey
Please listen to me when I say;

Mom, you're not the only one
You smile and you call me ***
Being so sweet
But remember the sand under your feet
The clouds in the sky
Birds passing by
And oh, don't forget
The sand castle and your daughters

Mom, you're not the only one
But get well soon
I'll be home
So just look at the moon
I'll see it too.

- Jay M
January 27th, 2020

Mom, you're not the only one.