Not one to spill
        ***** the cap on more tightly

Not one to share
       Close the books and bind it shut

Not one to show weakness
       A well of positivity must not dry out

Don't show, don't tell, toxic thoughts grow on delicate vines

It's fine. It's fine.

I will be ok. I'm ok.

A roundabout way to comfort myself. but it's the most I can do. as I watch a joyful conversation.

Will I be forgotten?
If I say nothing will I never be noticed?
Am I truly valued among these people?

Stupid, silly, baseless thoughts. I know it's not true. I know that's what they think. but I can't help it.

These thoughts fester and bloom.
Over and over and over again.

I'm quite burnt out
everything is a chore
I usually have no problem blowing up the balloon.
hut it's tiring to keep it blown up now
I want to rest.

I have things I love.
     In forms of all forms of Art I find that I love them
Starry eyed I take to it. Pen to paper. I draw, I sculpt, I write.
      But every time I look up.



Perfection in all angles.
Preformed by creators who far surpass me.
I want to be          good.
Good enough that i'm adequate.

But in the footprints of the greats I'm never adequate.
My hobbies aren't hobbies.

                                             they hurt me.


Because I throw myself into a never ending loop.  

I start, I compare, then despair.

It hurts.  

My hobbies hurt my mind.

And so the Poet dies,
laid to rest on words stained in red.

There were two flowers in the garden
One yet to bloom
the other already.....bloomed

They both bloomed soon enough,
What the other flower did not know was that-

the bloomed flower was already hollow
Eaten long ago on the inside
it had died with neglect,
while the other flower
waited in anticipation
With no water one flower died
The other thrived
Now both flowers have bloomed side by side
Happy together, they look so happy together

But one flower had died
And though crisp on the outside,
It's insides are dried

I love fictional love
Love the sparks that fly
But I don't love the real love
That lovely love you must love to feel

He loves her
She loves him not

He loves her
She loves him not

She once loved him
Now she does not know what Love feels like

I don't love love anymore
I don't love anymore
Lovely love, fly away on wings of a dove

Burning bright
a inexplicably magical force  
ashes to ashes
the wood falls to pieces
it's raining ash
there is a fire burning
inside us all.

We are burning up.

There was once a cat
who fell in love with a dog
The cat wanted to come live with the dog
In the land of the dogs
but the cat simply couldn't.



Because the cat was a cat.
                                            And cats don't belong
                                                                                   in the land of the dog.

Today walking into class I see
A *** of flowers just for me
Standing lonely on my desk
This picture of me becomes grotesque

Weeping, crying, fake little eyes
Mournful silences in disguise
People I have barely knew
Fill up my ghostly view

I see you sitting alone
thinking thinking you should atone
But that accident is not your fault
I say and say, yet you do not halt.

You mourn for me in dangerous grief
Will you give yourself no relief?
You don on black for days to come
Your smiling face is now all glum

"Smile for me will you please?"
"Do not let your heart just freeze.'
"I may be gone but you are not."
"You know this isn't what I sought."

Yet the cries of a ghost go unheard
You do not hear my desperate words
Weeks and months you only grieve
Your sullen tears wet your sleeves

Will you not forgive yourself?
My book was long off theshelf.
You have yet to live and see your story.
You have yet to witness your own glory

You know I did not want this.
Don't you realize there's something amiss
The past is there and it's certainly sad
Yet being stuck in the past is also quite bad.

I do not want to be remembered this way
Staining your whole life in just tone grey
Remember me in a bittersweet memory
And let yourself be finally free.

Please remember

I am dead but you are not
Do not let your life just rot

I am dead but you are not.
I am dead. You are not.

Please,
Will you just forgive yourself?
I do not want to see you in pain any longer.

Did you know
Everyday
millions of lives
That which volunteered
Never see their homes

Again

Crumbling bricks, and dusty asphalt
Unmoved curtains hang behind closed doors
Waiting for the never

Untouched they are old in their newness
Waiting for the masters of the house
To return

They do not breathe,
the wallpaper ever so slowly
Creeps down
And Down
Daring to peel
With no one there

5 years of the twenty go by
Undisturbed it waits
For the dullness to fade

We are strangers
Intruding and ransacking the shrine
Upturning the sacred air

We are searching for
clues to tell us
Who they are.
We turn it
Inside out in our
Search, ever scrambling
Looking for a photo, a memoir

To take and keep
So that we may
Remember a life,
That we never knew

I sometimes wonder
Whether it could all be avoided
The senseless noise
A jellyfish
Floating among life
Days given away
In a haze

It shows happiness
It hides sadness
It is sarcastic in it’s best
It is melancholy at other times
A smile can be everything
Or nothing all at once
A smile tells you a lot of things
About the person
And the life their living.

In a far off land where
Lions and bear
Roam around inciting no Fear

Where, the lion can be small
And the mouse big
And the unicorns can prance through halls

And the birds do not need to fly
Where mice don’t need to be afraid
And foxes have no need to be sly

Where the ****** past of the rabbit,
Is solemnly and regretfully acknowledge
By its many oppressors and killer in ways deemed fit

Where the ***** and the *****
Do not need to bow their heads in shame
As victims of Sin

Where the fish can love the butterfly
And the leopard plays with the lamb
A world in where the sky

Is lit by the lights
Of ten thousand moths
Unworried about danger of sight

And in where the sparrows swim
And the fire burns in the lake
Where the conflict has at last

Been resolved in ways thought impossible.

Stupid hands
Of course you’ll burn yourself
If you touch the hot pan

Stupid eyes
Believing in illusions
That are obviously lies

Stupid ears
You rather listen to lies
Then face your own fears

Stupid mouth
You say the wrong words
And make things go south

Stupid Heart
There you go again
Breaking apart.

Snow dust the sidewalks
People laugh as they walk
Towards the unknown
their warm breaths
fogging the air
Their hands
wrapped around a steaming cup
They are content.

He shivers.
Pulling the thin
scraps of cloth
closer to him.
Waiting for the sound.
That heavenly sound.

Across from him,
she sits,
still
moment before
her last breaths having
gone unnoticed by the crowd
except by him.
Not wanting to suffer
that same fate raises his voice

"Please spare some change?"
The endless lines
Repeated at each passerby
Some drop him a few dimes,
quarters occasionally,
loonies and toonies are scarce

But it's enough
by enough it means
Enough to buy some food
to last the day.

but it's not enough,
by not enough it means
it will not help him survive
the cold
harsh
days to come


Dec 15
HUGE snowstorm tears tree out of the ground!!
The headlines exclaim boldly,
The people read the news
As they pass yet another still body
on this winter morning.
"He's only sleeping"
They think as they pass,
It wasn't the first still body
the crowd had passed this morning
it wasn't the first body
covered in thin scraps of cloth

Every day the news screams
"***** VICTIM,
AGE
NAME:    
PLACE_"
Underneath
The description of what happened.

Some people take note,
Others read it out of pity
sometimes concern
very few take action

I am nothing more then a jellyfish
Reading the news every day.
Clicking my tongue in pity.

Pity?
We don't need pity.
We need awareness.
Action.
Movement.

I won't try to poison your ears
Telling you lies
As if I'm a victim of assault
or harassment
I won't tell try to earn sympathy
telling you I know someone
who experienced that
someone close to me
I don't

But I hate that feeling,
walking down the streets
worried about every single person behind me
Terrified they might be a potential attacker.
I hate worrying, about my friends
Who are just outside for a few minutes
And yet have to be careful?

This is
Blasphemy.
Why must we be careful?
Is it due to our genitals?
Is that the ONLY REASON?
It angers me

"You know better!"
I would rage silently at the news
It has no effect,
never will
never does
If I just keep my thoughts

As thoughts.

I waited for Prince Charming to
Rescue me from this Tower
"Come Save Me!"
I would Think

He never came

I grew up.
I had to.
"Forget Prince Charming!"
"I'm getting down myself!"
Took a sword to the dragon
Facing my own problems alone

Some were scary,
Frightening!
But I have to do it.
Prince Charming isn't going to rescue me.
not every time.

I'm strong now.
All because I done it myself
I can't let some stranger
always take away my problems.
You have to do that yourself.

It's been ten years now.

So,
Dear Prince Charming,
You never came.
Don't start now.
I grew up fine without you.