It took years
It took years for me to love the color of my skin
To love the hair that grows out of my head
It took years to stop wanting to bleach my skin
To stop wanting to straighten my hair
It took years
To stop wanting to be anything but black
To stop wishing that I was never born.
But somehow, I still achieved it.  
Even in the face of people that are hell-bent on hating us every single day.

I should be doing homework but I can’t focus
It seems like all this work will be for nothing anyway
Like our deathbed is only a day away
I should be studying for finals but I can’t absorb any information
Instead, I am sitting by the door waiting for my dad to come downstairs
Just so I can tell him goodbye and pray that he comes home

I should be planning my future
But instead, I can only focus on the next few hours
Waiting and waiting and waiting
For my dad AND mom to walk through that **** front door.  

Hoping that my brother got home safe as well.  

All because of the color of my skin.

When I first met you, I did not like you.

I hated that you were always on top of your work,
That you were always so focused all I could do was lurk.
I hated that you always tried to be the best,
Competing with me in disregard to my request.

I was jealous of you because you were so perfect.
You made everything seem so worth it.
I never saw you walk away with anything other than an A.
All work was done in the best possible way.
I found myself comparing myself to you.
I wanted to be perfect too.

I tried to change myself to resemble you.
It actually helped me get out of the blues.
Many would say that you should never change who you are,
But when I was with you,
I felt like a star.

I started to distance myself because depression got in the way.
You were my first real friend and I doubted you would stay.
I dug myself into a hole to get away from you,
With this sadness following me too.
I never looked back to see you following me.
I would soon realize that you were a precious treat.

You stayed with me for a very long time,
You stayed with me until I was ready to climb.
Until I met you,
all I knew was demons
But you soon convicted them of treason.

You demonstrated the definition of a bright light.
And I could never thank you enough for showing me what was right.
Continue to be you: such a beautiful rose.
Dispose of any thoughts that may oppose.

yes,
"i've got everything."
i know i do,
but the darkness doesn't discriminate
like you want it to.
it chases me despite my privilege,
despite my "perfect education,"
my "perfect family,"
my "perfect life,"
despite your protesting.
you cannot stop the darkness,
no matter how hard you try.
you cannot stop the darkness,
and neither can I.