tell yourself you are fine i know you’re lying
start becoming a positive force in someone else’s life
because you know you cannot be your own.
when she calls tell her you’re the happiest you’ve ever been
she was the one holding you back,
you did not know what unhealthy relationships were until
her.
the one who told you everything she could never possibly love about you
and how you needed to change yourself
for her.
not because you needed to get better
not because you knew you weren’t happy
because she couldn’t see you sad and **** you at the same time.
because when you cried she didn’t know how to say sorry,
for the times she said your favorite poet was stupid
for the times she rolled her eyes at something you said,
for the times she ignored you for somebody else
it’s your fault remember,
if you weren’t like this everything would be fine.
because some weeks were good
you felt like everything had fallen into place,
you were happy and she loved you again,
then that week would be over,
you were sad again,
if you weren’t like this everything would be fine
but
you wouldn’t change yourself for love.
that was your problem
she was not a good enough reason to be happy,
because you saw her more as a therapist
than as your girlfriend.
and she saw you as a project,
one she could never finish.
you knew you were more than a project,
you wanted to be happy
but there was no reason to be.
not even love was enough.
but then you learned it never can be,
because if another person is the only reason you want to be able
to breathe in the summer air,
laugh until your lungs hurt,
and cry happy tears,
you want to get better for the wrong reasons.

I like the clouds
that make the skies look as
they have mountains
It reminds me of the good times
of the rain
and the pine trees
and the creeks that echoed the sounds
of love.
there is a happy place that exists for me
somewhere.
but the pine scented air fresheners
do not bring me the same comfort.
the postcards sent from family members
with my name written neatly on them,
do not make me feel as they did before.
I long for my happy place
that does not need my name written on it,
for me to know I belong there.
now the sky is entirely gray
and it does not look like there are mountains.-
The mornings give me the meaning I long for.
And the mundane tasks of the noon
remind me of insignificance.
but I still do not wake up earlier-
what’s the point
of pretending i am where i am supposed to be,
when a few hours later,
i will be reminded i am still homesick?

my ex girlfriend has a **** Polaroid photo of me in a box in her closet. She tells me there are no romantic feelings left anymore. I refuse to believe she's telling the truth.  I think she is hiding them somewhere in that box, along with her cigarettes, condoms and makeup. It's buried somewhere, along with me. In a cardboard box. In a dark closet. All the contents are thrown in. Meant to be forgotten, untouched. But a year from now, when you move out and go away to college, you will find me. The person  left, unloved, untouched, forgotten. But I know- I am not the only one you will find in there.

I dream of a composed future
Of better composition than this rhyme
One where my eyes ignite at the sight
Of opportunity to bring forth old time
And to replace each painful breath with
Another's aspiration, who's be similar to mine

I dream of a collected future
Better still than this collection of lines
One where I only hear peace like
In nearby fields, where
Another can gather this rationale
So may his fingers be with hers
intertwined

I dream of a fulfilled future
For it's merely half full, at this time
One with the sensation of
Elation, relief and no condemnation
Solitude with her, from the past
Simplicity making this last, the
Serenity within that they both share

I dream of a future, I know that isn't there.

i would do anything to make myself feel pretty again.
This is something make-up and pretty clothes
will not fix.
i feel like my heart is broken
and my insides are rotten-
i'd do anything just to feel pretty again.
this is something i try to forget,
change myself so it can't happen again.
i don't want to waste anymore tears
or stop feeling again,
i'd do anything to feel pretty again.
i will not let myself be played again,
you remind me why i let myself be so guarded
because this always happens,
no matter who i'm with
i just wish i fxxking felt pretty again.
was my personality not enough?
i did everything you could have asked,
i even stopped writing poetry for your a ** .
cancelled all my plans with my friends,
just in an attempt to make you happy again.
but then my grades dropped,
and i stopped being there for my friends,
because i had let it all become about you.
and now i'd do anything to be pretty again, but now I'm just like you
not pretty within.
all i think about is myself and
not caring.
i'd do anything to care about others again,
but i don't know where to draw the line because of you.
how do i love myself and others,too?
and now the cuts are back on my legs
i should've just carved your named into them instead.
lying around with no lover again,
the only time i get fxxked
is in the head.
why can't i just feel pretty again?

i would do anything to make myself feel pretty again.
This is something make-up and pretty clothes
will not fix.
i feel like my heart is broken
and my insides are rotten-
i'd do anything just to feel pretty again.
this is something i try to forget,
change myself so it can't happen again.
i don't want to waste anymore tears
or stop feeling again,
i'd do anything to feel pretty again.
i will not let myself be played again,
you remind me why i let myself be so guarded
because this always happens,
no matter who i'm with
i just wish i ******* felt pretty again.
was my personality not enough?
i did everything you could have asked,
i even stopped writing poetry for your ***.
cancelled all my plans with my friends,
just in an attempt to make you happy again.
but then my grades dropped,
and i stopped being there for my friends,
because i had let it all become about you.
and now i'd do anything to be pretty again, but now I'm just like you
not pretty within.
all i think about is myself and
not caring.
i'd do anything to care about others again,
but i don't know where to draw the line because of you.
how do i love myself and others,too?
and now the cuts are back on my legs
i should've just carved your named into them instead.
lying around with no lover again,
the only time i get ******
is in the head.
why can't i just feel pretty again?