Just trying to reintegrate,to modulate behaviour pattern
I might as well be ******* on the moons of saturn
for all the good that does.
Like some dying star that's burning red,already dead but still I shine within this sphere until the end of time
or until tomorrow,
whichever come first.

When we kissed I knew for sure
her heart was kind
her soul was pure
she was the cure for what ailed me
but what failed me and this she knew,was my fear
of seeing dreams come true.

The valley is still there although the dolls have gone,
for now.
We used to plough through Pharmacies to staunch the needs of our disease and on our knees we'd pray to gods
making rods for our own backs and dolls were stacked up two by two in the flying embers of those who knew the pain,
and fired down throats to fuel again the fires that burnt inside.
I rue the tracks laid down and splayed on limbs that now grow old,rigid,cold and folded tight against my chest
but the dolls knew what was best in those testing times and track lines only serve to tell how well I knew them all.
Through those furrows made I fall and hear dolls call to me in the closed down empty pharmacy
where life is stifled in the green and black capsules which fooled us all,
the valley's gone for now,the dolls are sleeping tight,the night has faded,a jaded yesterday has given birth to a bright new day,and so
I shall stay as quiet as I can.

In my heart is war,

My hands, craft

My lips, love

My mind, chaos

My soul is empty.

I am man.

When I die
Do I find
All  my lost things?

I saw her again, there at the hospital
Her hair had begun to silver in early autumn
She was no longer the child
That I had tried to protect, but a grown woman
She was now a matriarch
And she had developed steel in her soul
The years of neglect had been a fire
That forged her an inner strength
Burned the Iron until it became hardened
Even better than it would have been
We talked in the hushed waiting room
All echoes of happiness muffled by the sadness
That clung to the walls like padding
We walked the sterile halls
Scrubbed clean of tears and smiled sad smiles at each other
It was her first death as the matriarch
And she was in charge of this thing, this dying
She was the one who had the strength
To keep everyone else together
Keep them functioning, even if robotic
They did whatever task she gave them
Feeling as if they had accomplished something
And forgetting for a moment
I was proud when I saw her, even through the sadness
Although it was no work of mine
I felt that I had let her down
As I couldn't protect her from the unspeakable things
That visited her daily and worse, nightly
She had been so young and vulnerable, but no more
She was strong and stable,
The rock that the rest of the family could anchor to
As they were buffeted in a hopeless ocean
Yes, she was now the matriarch and she was in charge of this thing,
This dying

You entertain me

with your smile

and your words

And I know in my soul

that you are alright.

Your music plays

late in the night

and I smile.

I know

that time

has done you well.

Now

I wait for you

to come again

and entertain me.

It would be easy to submit
to admit that total failure,
and the cesspit smells so sweet
when you're beat.
But if you beat the blues you win,when you
lose the frown begin to grin and
spin the wheel again.

We're all a little bit roulette
spinning round until we get the
back to front and back attack and yet we lap it up
and when your cup does overflow
where do you go?
back to roulette ,I bet.
The alpha set,the wire net,we're all caught and one day we'll get a double zero, go and catch a super hero,
we all need one of them.
I am not now nor have I ever been a perfect ten,I am the tarnished score and the music in me wants some more of what it is that I require and I want it now lest I retire and fade into the wallpaper.
If life's a caper then I'm the apron that the butcher wore,stained by blood and guts and gore,no wonder then that I should want much more,
or is that being greedy?