Stricken, sudden realization
My sense of worth so breakable, so frayed
Your approval, my salvation
Washes over me like a wave.
It's unfair to me, to you
Dependence on your word
Breath held, between us two
As though it's the last we've ever heard.
In and out, up and down
Never quite quick enough
Falling, tripping, to the ground
I never did like it rough.
Water's edge, beautiful and deadly
Peeking at my toes
I always knew you were too friendly
Now it's got me, now it knows.
Knows the tide of my heart
Ebbs and flows
Never could keep up
With those highs and lows.

I drive myself to the cafe
Cracking a smile as I let my fear fade
Let the music in my ears take me away
It may have been cold, but I was living in the shade

Working up the courage to drink alone
Never allowing myself to enjoy what I love
Freezing in fear, I turn to stone
But today I drive myself to rise above

To a place with voices, fresh pastries, warm coffee, smiling faces
Swirling, twirling, I'm surrounded by choices
Wood and marble, rough wool and soft laces

Pouring a cup into the depth of my soul
I breath out and finally remember how to let go
Can't I find my own way to be whole?
Filled with coffee and music, I can finally flow ~

Want, wish, demand, require
Ought, take, command, desire

Hoping, stealing, dreaming, and pleading
Coping, healing, feeling, now needing

My mind is a veritable vortex of emotion
Don't look so alarmed; you caused this commotion

Wait, stay, live, try
Anticipate, gravitate, give, cry

Feeling, flushing, regretting, and thinking
Dealing, bluffing, forgetting, now drinking

The storm is dying down, it's so tranquil
Time kills all, let's be thankful

Argue, lie, forgive, make-up
Construe, divide, relive, break-up

Releasing, dismissing, ceasing, and grieving
Escaping, missing, decreasing, now leaving

End of the line, time to let go
What once was is all you'll know

It still hurts to see you
My heart crumbles when you appear
It's of utmost pessimum to need you
Wishing desperately to avoid the austere

But sometimes I catch myself pretending
Acting like we're not worlds apart
My well of hope seems never ending
Oh, if only we could restart

I would have done things differently
But there's no going back now
I'm trapped in this emotional debris
I want out, but I can't see how

We are stuck here in this void
In the space between dusk and dawn
Where all that was has been destroyed
Yet there's little chance of moving on

There's something left unfinished
A remnant of a promise of a dream
And though that future was diminished
I hold pieces of you in high esteem

I cannot let those pieces go
I cannot let them fade
Though they still hurt me so
I'm grateful a part of you has stayed

So here we are trapped inside
The space between dusk and dawn
This is the only place "us" can reside
I'll be here until the day it's gone..

I thought it was my own glow
Turns out I was just reflecting your light
Never lit up, now I know
But I started to burn when I held tight

I wanted to stay in the heat
So I returned to you each night
And in the shadows where we'd meet
I became the match you'd ignite

It was the challenge that had lit my fire
It was the chase that had made me flush
And it was that phenomenal desire
Which shook my knees and made me blush

I was glowing white hot with you near
You were my star in the dark, you see
But you fell, and my light disappeared
It all happened so suddenly
Losing you was as I'd feared
And I was left with only me..

You infected me with your praise
A thought provoked and I was yours
Immediately I was weak to your ways
Highly susceptible to your allures

Your virus spread through me like a fire
I was burning with a yearning for more
Your power left me with a hot desire
Churning deep within my core

But like any disease, you hurt me inside
My resistance corroded, my body gave way
I had no defense, internally crucified
No antibodies to keep you at bay

Over time I came to see the ugly truth
You had taken over and you were strong
My love was like candy, and you had a sweet tooth
Your presence was an affliction all along

So I turned up the heat, and starved you of attention
I stopped being your treat, ignored your condescension

Enraged by my defiance, and wounded by my suspicion
You demanded my compliance, and used all your ammunition

But the jig was up, it was too late
You'd revealed your hand
I would no longer wait
I figured out what you had planned

And then I was free
From this illness of you
I could be me
And we were through

Though your pestilence left behind many scars
I am now and forever immune to your charms

And should you try to deceive me again
You'll find this treasure far more secure
I may have been an easy target then
But now I am armed with the cure

My experience led me to the light
A future without ambiguity, and it's so bright

You were a sickness, an ailment, a disease
You were a cold..
And now I'm antifreeze

God..what you still do to me
When will I just move on, already?
Why can't I just breathe?
And why is my heart so unsteady?

It leaps like a rabbit when you appear
And my mind races just like a gazelle
I turn into an animal when you're near
A creature of prey, under a predator's spell

Though I'm not sure if it's fear that I feel
But whether I'm angry, scared, or just anxious as hell
It's clear to me you've left wounds that won't heal
It seems my past just can't say it's farewell

But I will keep dragging myself away from you
Leaving this trail of blood behind
I will survive the pain I went through
Time for this prey to put you out of her mind

Yes, this little thing still goes on
Though your teeth have torn and shredded her
She'll live through what she's undergone
And maybe, just maybe, outrun this predator