I looked for love inside your eyes.
What I saw almost made me blind.

I saw a stranger.
He was cold, distant, evil, and revolting.
I looked for love inside your eyes.

Who am I that you are unable to make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I am not here with you?
Do I matter?

I am just a toy in this filthy play.
Not a human worth of tender and devotion.
Where are you?
How did I lose you?

As the years pass by
The monster inside your eyes becomes clearer to me.

You think I am just over reacting.
How can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else instead of making love to me.

I've found where you are.
I've seen the pictures.
As graphic as can be.
I now know what i takes to turn you on.
Women....people like me.
Tortured, humiliated,used and hated.
All these images burned into your brain.

Did you ever imagine (at age 12)
The first time your seen a ****** photo.
That you were dooming every aspect of intimacy.
Breaking the heart of someone you'd love.

If it all stopped here.
I could bear it.
Instead you brought the evil in and continued to feed it.
As I looked for love inside your eyes.

Hands printed, hair pulled
Looking the age of thirteen years old.
A simple photo
A simple video
Controling reality, distorting the woman in exaggerated *******.
As I looked for love inside your eyes.

The evil eyes
Windows of a broken soul.
Warped by the lens into the background of your phone.

Souls never matter
Only bodies do
To those me. Who consume it (just like you)
A image burned inside your brain.
A image I see everytime I close my eyes.

When does it end?

I can tell you this.
It has not ended.
It has eaten you up.
It spreads like cancer.
Can you feed off of hatred and anger?
Can you break free and learn to love?

You say words.
Just full of excuses.
Feeding your soul on poisen.

If only you could see what I see.
If only you could feel what I feel.

**** has destroyed our relationship.
Tell me.
Was it worth it??

You rejected me when I offered you ***.
But here I walk into your ******* mess.
The ******* images were of little teens.
They legitally looked the age of thirteen.

I text you and confront you.
You replied and sounded so happy.
I just lost my mind.
I flipped.
I through all of your ****.

I punched things.
Kicked things.
Stabbed things.
I even cut and made my ownself bleed.

Finally I just screamed.
I fell down to my knees.
I kept asking god to just take me please.

Maybe someday I’ll stop crying.
Maybe someday I’ll stop breathing.
Maybe someday I’ll stop feeling pain but until then this is where my life lies.
I am with a guy who tends to lie and hide.
Who thinks ******* is an okay type of thing.
When he happens to be with me.

I am not okay with this.
I have broke his phone. Slapped his back.
I yell and I scream. I break things and make my own self bleed.

You don't understand and you sure as hell can't see.
How much you are hurting me.
Its me against the world of beautiful women.

You are never going to stop.
I keep asking you please but you keep pushing me away like I am a ******* disease. We fight about this all the time.
I don't know why and us still exists.

I am tired of crying and wondering why.
Is it because I can't satisfy?
Is something wrong with me?
Am I just not enough?
Please just tell me. I wanna be done with this stuff.
It’s me against the world of beautiful women.

I hate feeling this pain. It never goes away.
Wondering ever move you do.
Not believing a word of truth.
You have lied to me one too many times.

You see me cry. You see me angry.
You have the guts to ask me why?
After you just watched over 60 videos
of ******* and told me another ******* lie.

**** I just want to die.
Then I won’t have to deal with these unforgivable lies.
I hate *******.
I hate how it is more important to you.
Then I will ever be and until that changes.
I am here to say good-bye.

It is me against the world of beautiful women
and in the end I am losing.

I gave you my heart.
In return you broke my heart.
I handed it to you as a delicate flower.
You ran it over like a car going one hundred miles per hour.

I gave you everything.
Even my trust.
But you threw it all away for a thing called lust.

I believed every word you said to me.
Turns out it was just a lie you see.
I gave you a part of my life.
I wanted to be your wife.
Instead you just killed me everyday.
By all the harsh words you had to say.

All I want to do is pull out my aching heart
And tear it all apart.
Maybe then I could stop loving you.

I want to cry but I don't have any tears left.
I want to scream but I have no voice.
My body is numb.
This wasn't my choice.

I want to sleep
But you keep haunting me in my dreams.
I feel like I am trapped inside your scheme.

The way you look at me
Just makes me melt.
The way you say my name
Sometimes makes me forget about your little game.
The sound of your voice sends shivers down my spine.
Now I need some time to untwine.

I loved you so much but you didn't care enough.
How can I forget you?
Like you forgot about me?
How can I move on?
I am still in love with you Juan.

I want to break away from you.
I want to be free from you.
I just have to close my eyes
And wait until the pain dies.

*** toy,
That is all I am to you.
One who will stay close to you.
A girl who is in love with you
but that is something you'll never see.
I am just the girl who ***** you.

A *** toy,
With beautiful looks and devil eyes.
I could pleasure you for hours
But your the type that only lasts minutes.

A *** toy,
I wish you would desire me.
Instead you just want to hurt me.
I cant take the *******.
I am not your fantasy.
Stop making me your *** toy.

A *** toy,
For when you are bored with your hand.
When you are feeling cold and alone.

A *** toy,
I can never say no.
As I lay there with my legs up in the air.
While you whisper all these ***** things inside my ear.

A *** toy,
You will never understand.
You just use me for your pleasure
To make your ******* fantasy.

A *** toy,
that is all I'll ever be.

As I stare into the mirror I begin to ignore everything I hear. I start to wonder what the world would be like if I wasn't here. There are some days I just wanna disappear.

I'd have no pain and no more worries. No need for a selfish man. I'm pretty content with just my hand. No complications just a different feeling.

I'm tired of crying. Im tired of cutting. I'm tired of a man I thought I loved. I'd rather just chop his **** off.

I'm angry and ******. There's no one to turn to. My boyfriend lays next to me thinking I'm at rest. I feel the movement of his hand that can't stop touching his ****.

All he wants is for me to fall asleep so he can ******* to his stupid ******* and that's just something I can not Handle. Just one more time and ill ******* leave.

I'm hurting inside. Please just **** me or bury me alive. My cuts become more deeper my heart becomes weaker. I just want this all to stop. Please just end this reality. Pain is just much too deep.

Everyday I think of him,
Wishing we were together again.
I don't know why I want him back.
When all I want to do is hate him but I can't.

He put me through hell and pain with
al the drinking and partying he did.
I was very mislead.

He said " I love you and I'd do anything for you."
It was just a lie he wanted me to believe.
I knew this could never be real.

I knew I was in love with him.
There was a point where all we could do was fight.
That was the time I ****** up my life.

I felt ashamed.
I felt it was mine to blame.
All I could do was cry in pain.
I want to hate him but I just can't.

10 months of us being together.
I knew there was no turning back.
Everything was to its end.

Soon after that,
I was hurt pretty bad.
I was extremely mad.
I couldn't believe he had cheated on me.

I cried and I cried.
I was to the point I wish I had died.
I hate him.
I hate him.
I don't wish he was dead.
When the truth comes out.
I was completely mislead.
I was in love with this man.
No matter how much pain I was actually in.

Why can't I just hate him?