Sitting, smoking a sheet to a 90s playlist
Cooking a shot for the road
A fix for the fever I'll have 3 hours later
A thread to mend my torn soul.
And this hole's been ripped open
As a means to match the broken
But this beating, endless bleeding
Bruised the backbone of that notion
leaving only one thing left to test
The drop from out that ocean
Dripping quickly into glistening
Pretty glitter ****** of poison.

Corrosive rot and dull decay
Haunt the walls of every room
Prisoner to the ball and chain
That stains my veins dark blue.
Reminiscence is a ghost,
A life I never knew-
Sipping from a silver spoon,
That father's day in June.

My blood, my bones, my family
All just memories in the air
That kick up with the gusts of wind
And tickle through my hair.
A reminder that I still can't feel,
And they were never there-
My body left me long ago
And no one ever cared.

On the day that David died, I was
Sitting sober, wishing I was high
And it was always like that during those
Couple clean months.
The first person I told didn't care-
What's another dead ******?
As if the trash took itself out.

I didn't go to his funeral,
Didn't really know him that well.
I didn't cry when I found out,
Wasn't all that surprised-
He had been talking about it for a while now.
And we questioned, of course
But answers aren't always enough.
I wonder what was enough
To lead him there, lying on those cold tracks,
Waiting.

You said,
"He put his earphones in and closed his eyes."
My first thought was,
"I wonder what he was listening to
For the last time..."
You said you hadn't thought of that.

And I also wondered what he must've saw
Behind shut eyelids in an all dark mind
As the weight of the train
And the weight of the world
Trembled the tracks and trudged closer.
He told his little sister,
"Make sure they know,
I am happy now."
Maybe everything began to feel warm
Like the sensation of coming home
After years of being
Lost.

And I have to admit:
I've since thought to myself, many times-
"That lucky *******..."
He got out.
Certainly couldn't blame him.
Cause on the day that David died,
I was wishing I could join him.

On the day that David died
I was sitting sober,
Planning my own suicide.