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  Jun 2018 Andrew Choo
Nicole
Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
Unloveable
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone
Andrew Choo Jun 2018
Sometimes, it's not
About being saved;
But rather, about
Saving others.
  Jun 2018 Andrew Choo
Valerie
art
in a world full of colour,
i am a blank canvas.
Andrew Choo Jun 2018
Often times, 
We get so many answers of
“I’m too busy" or “Hit me up later"
But no one realizes that I…
I don't want to be the one that reaches out
I don't want to be the one that initiates anything 
I just want you to be there, and tell me 
That life's crap, but you got me. 
That you know I’m down, and 
You're by my side to pick me up. 
That when I wake up, 
You'll be by my side, 
We'll be walking together, 
Laughing and smiling... 
Ha.
Too bad, this is only a dream. 
I’m not lonely, only alone. 
I’m not dead yet, only dying. 
I’m struggling, but barely holding — 
— on.

You see,
I feel like a fool.
Trusting too many people
With words of
Content and satisfaction,
Ambitions and aspirations.
A light in the darkness
A light at the end of the tunnel
A beacon of hope in open oceans
But there is no hope.
Only an illusion.
There is no peace.
Only pieces of what we
Believe is there.
But their belief
Is that we’re
In this together.
But are we really?

You tell me that
It'll all be good.
But I'm not good.
I only say it
Because if I say anything else,
You'll be at a loss for words,
Unable to say anything
And then, it fills the void
With an awkward silence.
And like everyone else,
You'll say that
You're there for me.
But when I reach out,
Only emptiness fills my grasp.
Silence is like my isolation.
It's the reason why
I feel so foolish and —  
— alone.

It's not like
I don't have "friends"
- so to speak - but
It's like there's
Not a person in the world
That's willing to listen.
It's funny, you know?
They say that
Sticks and stones
May break my bones,
But words will
Never hurt me.
Actions are the ones
That we forgive and forget
But words...
Words are the things that
We remember forever.

When someone tells you
That they're
There for you.
Because their word
Is their promise.
And so when you call out,
You wait...
And wait...
And wait.
But then you realize
That, like rules,
Promises end up being broken.
Promises are unreliable.
Words are unreliable.

Don't tell me that
You'll answer when I call,
You'll be there when I need you,
You'll listen when I talk,
Because you won't.
Don't tell me that;
Don't promise me anything.
Because like the rest of the world,
You don't actually give a ****.
But I don't blame you.

I'm not trying to
Victimize myself
Because I'm not a victim
I'm not a survivor.
I'm not who you think I am.
Underneath all  
My strength and pride
My discipline and determination
My fortitude and dedication
I've lied.

It seems like life's
All about performance
You want to be the best?
You have to beat the best.
Even if that person
Is yourself.
  Jun 2018 Andrew Choo
Nishu Mathur
The sea is still today
It's cerulean blue and gold
I think of the thoughts it carries
Within its hidden folds.
Its touch is soft and gentle
It soothes the ache of years
But I wonder how many waves
Are made from fallen tears.
Dear everyone,

This is such a surprise! Thank you all for your likes, loves and responses. I have not been very active on Hello Poetry, but will get back in action soon. So much appreciated. Thank you Hello Poetry for selecting this as a daily. Thank you so much my friends and fellow poets for taking the time to read this poem of mine. It means the world to me.  Love to everyone **
  Jun 2018 Andrew Choo
tc
of one thing
i am sure
and that is
that i am
unsure of
myself
and it’s funny
how i can’t
sleep but my
chest closes its
eyes and hums
with a heartbeat
that is unsure of
itself, too.
i try to morph
into a body
i don’t feel
belongs to me
just so i can
fit somewhere
fit in somewhere
and i tell so
many stories
about the
universe, it
forever feels
like i am trying
to remain lost.
i am unsure
of myself;
connecting the
moles on my
skin as if they
will spell out
something bigger
so i can feel
like i matter,
at least for
a little while.
i sleep beside
myself, stare at
a reflection
so unfamiliar
i couldn’t even
identify it in
a crowd of
strangers, but
i am trying.
and one day
i’m sure i’ll
be sure
of myself but
until then,
i’ll morph into
someone i can
be proud of
and hope that
the universe
sends me back
to myself.
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