TS - Hello Poetry

TS Jul 2017

He asks me, "Are you a danger to yourself? Do you feel you will act on these feelings?"

I was born a danger to myself.

These feelings? If I acted on them, I couldn't tell you.

And if I'm successful, it wouldn't matter to you anyway.

-t.s.

#suicide #therapy #depression #hurt #pain #sadness #anger #anxiety

TS Jul 2017

Street Walking

Me: walks out into the street

Driver: "Hey kid! Get out of the road! You're gonna get hurt!"

Me: "I never had the chance to be a kid. And getting hurt? That's the idea."

-t.s.

#pain #depression #hurt #sadness #suicide #anger

TS Jul 2017

Suicide

I want to be hit by a car.

I want it to run me over twice just to make sure I'm dead.

I want to get in a fight so I come up on the wrong end, dead.

I want to feel a cold knife against the muscles, the bones.

I want to be crushed by a tree or rhinoceros, doesn't matter what.

I want to feel my bones snap and my skin tear.

I want to feel anything.
I want to feel nothing.
I want to be gone.

-t.s.

Don't call the psych ward, I won't go back. I'm not acting on it, just feeling those feels.

#suicide #pain #depression #anger #crush #dead #death #black

TS Jul 2017

Unhappy

I am far more disappointed with my life than you can understand.

My 'friends' are ******.
My job is lifeless.
My soul is black.

I used to think deep and dark is beautiful but now it just feels endless.

-t.s.

#unhappy #sad #depressed #despression #suicide #anger #hurt #pain #nothingness

TS Jul 2017

Nocturne

How it hurts to know, to see
that I won't ever have the words flow, like you, through me.

My sentence structure, lacking
thoughts toss upon the sea, the sail we're tacking.

There is no passion to my words,
just novice, vice sent to up to the birds.

My strong desire, though, is meek
to dance with words until my hand grows weak.

Please be patient whilst I learn,
to write, to feel this wistful nocturne.

-t.s.

#whimsy #nocturne #dark #compose #wistful #calm #still #silence

TS Jul 2017

Angry

I want to feel your bones crush in my hands.
I want to feel your skull crunch under my feet.
I want to cause pain.
I want to make chaos.

I am angry.

I want to break, tear, smash, throw, and shred.
I want you to feel just a fraction of this pain.

But that's not just why I'm angry.
I am angry because I am sad when happy things happen.
I am angry because it doesn't change.
I am angry because it won't change.
I am angry because it all changes so quickly.
I am angry because I am angry.

I can't shut it off or shut it out.

I am consumed.

I am angry.

-t.s.

#angry #anger #depression #sad #hurt #pain #suicide #consumed

TS Jul 2017

Instead I Write

I won't eat
I won't sleep
I won't brush my teeth

Instead I write.

I won't cry
I won't laugh
I won't see my friends

Instead I write.

Eating does not fill me. When I try to sleep, I toss and turn. No need to brush my teeth when I won't go outside.

Stories are my nourishment. I drift off to dreamland in prose. My soul is cleansed with antonyms and synonyms, similes and metaphors.

Crying brings no freeing feeling. Laughing holds no joy. Friends will soon just leave me and take with them my heart.

I pour my tears into a song to convey all that I feel. I laugh along with Shakespeare as he inspires every play. All my friends are pencils because they're useful and won't leave. And if one happens to skip away, break or reach an end; aisle 4, below the staplers, I can always buy some more.

#write #instead #sadness #stories #prose #poetry #heart #pain #pencils