Three years later,
My love for you still inspires every fiber of my body with the same intensity of our first explosive kiss.

Three years later,
Any second of you in mind I feel like my body starts floating high like smoke coasting through the atmosphere.

Three years later,
With patience and understanding still standing by your aside upon command like a silly pup tugging at the bottom of your jeans.

Three years later,
Your absence still suffocates me, squeezing my lungs as I lose my breath and my consciousness...perhaps even sanity.  

Three years later I continue to wait....

If not for hellopoetry
I would have given up
The writing was starting to take its toll
Left me emotionally exhausted
I was forced to take a break
For all my energy it had drained
Sleepless nights, endless lines
Trying to switch off my brain
Left me depressed
When sentences formed
A story I'd tell
About my life in hell
Sometimes dramatised to a new level
Sometimes I have seen myself become the devil
All my emotions that stain the page
The blood, sweat and tears
Written into each line
Left me losing moments in time
And for this writing became a crime
Didn't feel like I was utilising my mind
Until recently I realised this was the only legacy
I would leave behind
I've seen this art in a whole new light
Through words on a page, I've shown my fight
I've shown all my emotions, I have been totally open
Gave my all in every line
Sprinkled in a flavour of rhyme
If not for hellopoetry all I'd have is blank pages
A mind full of lines, forgotten in time
Took some time to unwind
And that is when I realised
These writings and I are bound for life
I've learned to embrace this now
Finally proud of all my works,
how has it taken me this long
To fall in love with this art
If not for hellopoetry
An appreciation I would never have tasted
And this whole community I've embraced it
Don't care if you love or hate it
It's made me make some changes
If not for hellopoetry
There are talents I may never have uncovered
Some of us are still so young,
Still, more room left to improve
The elder ones raising us up
Understanding a whole new love for this art
I once said These lyrics were written in blood
Straight from the arteries from my heart
That metaphorically speaking
I spread all I am, all across the page
Bled the led with what I felt  
So much heart into every verse
All this time it was never a curse
It was something special I've been gifted
To get all these thoughts out of my system
If not for hellopoetry
I wouldn't be here...caught within this poetic atmosphere

©2018 Written By Benji James

Funny how
You meant so much to me
I would lose my breath
When I only saw you
And now
I swallow air easily
You mean nothing to me
Funny how
I’m still writing poetry for you.
Some part of me
Must still love you.

you will never be forgotten.
ever.
your name twisted into metaphors and colors and distractions will forever
be painted across pages and pages of her favorite brand of notebook,
no matter how many she burns
there will always be one she forgot,
and she will only find it once she had almost forgotten you.
she will find the one Papyrus notebook
and all of your metaphors and colors and disractions will come flooding back,
just like how the ocean in your eyes
flooded her heart all those years ago.

Step 1
Recover from the shock
let the emotion roll through your system
Breathe in and out.
Don't throw up.

Step 2
Plant a big fat smile on your face
Say I'm totally happy for you.
Wow what great news!
Don't throw up.

Step 3
Burn everything you've ever written about him.
She's your friend, she deserves more than you
You can't compete
Don't throw up

Step 4
Revert to what you're good at
Making other people happy.
Get them together
Don't throw up.

Step 5
Move on
Attempt to 'hook up' with someone
Fail miserably
Don't throw up

Step 6
Be the third wheel
And the reason why they'll be together.
Watch him pick her over you over and over.
This time, actually throw up.

Who are you to decide my worth
When you don't even know me?

I have blisters on my fingers
from playing for too long
because I was trying
to learn your favourite song

I have a croaky voice now
from singing far too high
from trying to sing a melody
that reaches towards the sky

My guitar is out of tune
because of what you said
you told me I was good and
I let it go to my head

My uke is sitting sadly
untouched for quite awhile
because what I play isn't worth it
if I can't make you smile.

I am told every day by my 83 year old grandfather to
Cheer up, smile, no one wants to see you looking like that
And every time, I smile weakly, look him in the eye and despondently reply
Oh, sorry. Didn't sleep well

And I didn't.
I was too busy thinking how nice it might be just to drift into this sleep and not awake.
And then at 4am drifting off... hoping.

Disappointed, it's 7 am. The sun is shining, I know I should be grateful to be alive.
But I'm not.
I'm just disappointed to be held accountable for myself every morning,
and not have the guts to do anything about it.