In the process of becoming
I have seen the worst in me
Mix with the worst in others

In the light of awareness
I have felt regret
Regret beyond any prediction

In the solitude and silence
I have brought myself
Closer to myself- closer to god

In the wake of anger
I have fueled the fire
I have kissed the scorched earth

I have begged for forgiveness
I have asked for answers
I have sought revelation
But only found more questions

Is this my answer?
Is this the journey?

When the sun doesn’t shine
I take a break from life
And I smoke a last cigarette
And I listen to sad songs

You were dying for so long
But now, it’s like you vanished
And I don’t know how-
Or where to begin

When you left in your way
You took with you, a piece of me
And so I keep the best of you
Always

But the sadness will fade
And I’ll keep what remains
Because you, will always be
A part of me

When I think of you,
I still hear your deep rasp
A muffled, familiar roar
Carrying the weight of your words-
Yes, when I remember  you
I smell your half extinguished cigarette
And feel your warm touch
A familiar burn

I listened to your vinegar words
Tell me how to miss you,
Pleased to learn
When you break something
It grows back stronger

If I could ask any question of you
It would have to be,
Do you remember, when you decided
I wasn’t worth
Your precious time?

There is a moment where in your life
you realize all of this-
all the possessions and "things"
have no real meaning

And that our existence is fluid
and that bodies are just shells-
and that pride and wealth
don't matter either

It is at this moment
we are left uncertain
of why we work hard
what are we working towards?

I think many of us
are still searching for happiness
among worldly acquisitions
rather than finding it inside ourselves

Looking for a key to meaning
but what if there is no such key
and what if there is no such meaning?

I had never stood
in the middle of the street
with headlights
pouring down my back-
and thought about staying there
and thought about the rubber wheels
as they passed over me

I looked and saw the cars approach
standing in the crosswalk frozen
as the lights released me
you were still there-
walking next to me in silence
pointlessly procrastinating
our long goodbye

I was angry and couldn't speak
And you let me leave

I feel the cool breeze
dance across my shoulders
and wisp through my hair
welcome at first-
sending a shiver down my spine
not unwanted, but shocking

A break from the saturated heat
nature plays a joke on us all
keeping us on our toes
and flexible to change-
a good lesson to be learned
the lovely winter in June