I'm forced to face
What I've become
My Joy rises
And sets with the Sun

When stuck all alone
Who's left to blame?
When pride is lost
Why feel the shame?

I command both sides
Of this internal war
Neither side surrenders
Only my blood will pour

What doesn't **** you
Makes You stronger
But what if you don't want
to live any longer?

I'm Buried Alive
A Deadman walking
If no one's around
Can they hear my talking?

Breathe new life
Into my being
That I drag around
Lost without meaning

A helpless feeling
I can't seem to shake.
Life is a Death Grip
I can't seem to break.

Just exactly what
Have you become?
Please end now
Pray for oblivion

Order has fallen
Asleep at the wheel
Left with our devices
Slave to free will

Is this the Devil?
Is it God?
An eternal battle
A hollow facade

We've lost ourselves
No answer is found
Falling doesn't feel
Like hitting the ground

So in touch
Yet out of reach
Pearly gates guarded
We await to breach

Your dying breath
Giving me life
Above us all
Under the knife

This is the year
The parties ending
We're not broken but
Sure as Hell bending

Continuing to take
Our borrowed time
Wheels of fate
Stop on a dime

Going in circles
End of the line
It's not yours
**** sure ain't mine

Cough Cough
Tear Tear
Is it the end
or beginning that's near?

Forever more searching
Craving sensation
Pour salt in the wound
That's my salvation

You skinned me alive
Left to decay
Thought you could **** me
And keep me away

Maybe you're right
I'll take my walk
And when he does too
You'll be looking to talk

Will I be there waiting?
Only time will tell
But I now deserve Heaven
Since you put me through Hell

Alone and crushed
I sit in denial
With a new addition
To my wet sock pile

Such optimism
Has caused my demise
Force fed the truth
I finally realize

The feelings I have
Just won't translate
I tossed out my line
You won't take the bait

Maybe I'll see you
Again down the line
I hope I can tell you
I got along fine

That I've moved on
And met someone new
But that someone I met
Just isn't you

Those deep brown eyes
And crooked little smirk
I was off in a daydream
Now awoke with a ****

Tight grip of reality
With a white-knuckle squeeze
How can one simple text
Drop me to my knees?

Run your fingers
Through my hair
I know you're the truth
So I wouldn't dare

Let you slip through
My hands once more
I'll keep you held tight
Like the sweater you wore

The night that
My heart sank in
Knowing that I
Was in love again

A selfish boy
Stuck in my ways
Stood there cemented
Lost in a gaze

It seems as though
The tables have turned
Lit with a spark
The passion it burned

I found the strength
To step towards your way
But he stepped in first
And swept you away

It's coming together
The pieces align
For the first time in years
I'm honestly fine

Weight off my shoulders
Air in my chest
My social demons
Put down to rest

You're so far
Yet ever so near
Make your escape
I'll still be here

With arms wide open
And a Cheshire smile
The tender embrace
We've not felt in a while

My hand in yours
Let's begin this anew
It's worth the climb
To walk downhill with you

Open your heart
Open your eyes
What to believe
When the truth lies

How much pain
Can you endure?
Placing your bets
Yet so unsure

Buckle on up
Life's crashing down
The presence unknown
New kid in town

Outward destruction
Find inner peace
Renting out Hell
An eternity lease

Deathgrip on life
White knuckle squeeze
Demons arriving
The last angel flees

The best part of life
Is sleeping through it
Eyes tightly shut
White walls dim lit

Eaten alive
Swallowed by covers
Cuddled in pleasure
Like new young lovers

Just hold me close
For 10 minutes more
I'll be back tonight
Looking to score

Keep my spot warm
Forwhen I arrive
Lifeless I'll lay
Feeling alive

If my head isn't right
How can I be wrong?
Shut in a box
Where I don't belong

I can't stand the tapping
The meaningless screeching
Surrounded by sanity
The walls you are breaching

Strike up the meltdown
Straight from the source
One pull of the trigger
Blows away my remorse

So far from deaf
I can't stand the noise
One little cough
Infects all my joys

One after another
You hit every peeve
The repetetive nature
Me fighting to leave

Each piercing noise
Day after day
Drowning in silence
With so much to say

Another Friday night
Let's burn this city to ash
I may be in debt
But have a pocket of cash

Blue button down
Jeans pressed so tight
Don't plan on wearing them
Very much tonight

Let's turn up again
Like weekends before
But that's not my life
I'd love nothing more

Another week over
With no plans made
Alone in my room
Is where I have stayed

For the last year
Coming up on another
The only woman I text
Is saved under "Mother"

"Goodnight love u"
Is all that is typed
Which I follow with "love u"
Night after night

So glad I got
My hair cut to impress
To lay in my room
And rhyme words that depress

That I can post online
For a comment or two
I hardly enjoy it
Just something to do

Of course you are out
Embracing your youth
While I'm making up verses
With underline truth

I've done so well
For a guy my age
Independent at 18
That set the stage

For my future
Long and bright
And I guess being asleep
By 9:00 every night

Eighteen years
Never been kissed
And I've struck out again
Swing and a miss

Can count every date
On half of a hand
I want more than lust
I just don't understand

My poems of love
I'll never relate
Can't find a friend
Much less a date

So glad I worked
For a place of my owm
A constant reminder
I'm still alone

If there's wine in the bottle
Then bring me a glass
Halfhearted sips
Whole hearted distress

I'm cracking up
God I wish I could laugh
Whether in blood or water
Draw me a bath

Hope has been found
Why am I so lost?
He swore he'd stay
With his fingers crossed

Screaming for silence
I've lost my voice
I'd shut off the world
If given a chance

In my bed
Sleep deprived
Searching for clarity
My demons revived

Slipping away
Rotting decay
Why can't I just forget?

Crippling feat
Ending near
Please God just let

Up with the pressure
I'll pray for pleasure
If that's all it takes
To make me real again

AGAIN
AGAIN

Still with no end
I found all the torment
Lost in a friend

BEGIN
BEGIN

Stillborn in sin
Cradle me tight
If I'm born again

Why are you so alive
When I'm dead in the eyes
Knee deep in a grave
My casket of lies

Lord have mercy
On my soul
He gave me life
But it's taking its toll

Heavy lies the crown
Dead lays the king
The show isn't over
When the fat lady sings

Peel back the skin
See what I've hid
Auctioned my soul
Awaiting a bid

Whether the cradle
Or the grave
Something was robbed
And shackled a slave

My heart is black
My eyes are blue
My blood is red
And it pours for you

You felt you were broken
But the pieces, I mended
You believe you're a burdem
With the hours I've tended

A walking rejection
With low self esteem
How can you be a nightmare
As the girl of my dreams?

Those large brown eyes
That turn to the shade
Of a soft green meadow
Where vows will be made

With your hand in mine
I'll take out a band
That is shining in silver
To slide on your left hand

You'll show me that smile
And a passionate kiss
Wave goodbye to the past
That we'll never miss

You're finally leaving
Today is the day
When our past feelings
Just melt away

The evil glances
The sweet romances
And all that's left to say

I'm glad for the time
That we spent together
I should of known
It wouldn't last forever

Just give me my heart back
When it's time to walk away

Since our eyes locked
I've been fighting for air
My unfixable heart
You've seemed to repair

You fit the cliche
Blonde hair blue eyes
Sappy love songs
I grew to despise

Until the day
You came into view
Now every word
Revolves around you

You had me wrapped
Around your little finger
But the scent of another
Began to linger

I thought she had more
Than you have to give
My little cliche
Took my will to live

6 years down
I still can't forget
The feelings I felt
The instant we met

I sit alone
And you've moved on
Thank God you're happy
After what I did wrong

Please just keep
Your shy bright smile
You probably forgot
It's been quite a while

But I'll never forget
The choices I made
I hate cliche's
I should have stayed

I've never moved on
And don't think I will
Waiting on impact
Falling for you still

I've never had another
They won't compare
To that cute squeaky laugh
And cliche blonde hair

You're off at college
A million miles away
Stealing space in my heart
Still to this day

The crying is done
No tears left to drop
All I want
Is regret to stop

I know that you
Forgive and forget
So why can't I
Forgive myself yet

What I would give
To be 15 again
Waiting with you
For Spring Break to begin

This time though
I won't leave your side
My cliche high school sweetheart
My future blushing bride

Still to this day
I wait for a shot
To give you my all
That's all I've got

6 years down
My confidence beams
I'm still your someone
In cliche dreams

I have enough room
In this Queen size bed
For you to rest
Your pretty head

Instead I lay
Cold and alone
Wondering if you
Pick up your phone

Stare at my name
Debating to dial
Cliche first lines
"Wow it's been a while!"

All in all
I just hope you're okay
I know I'm not
But what can I say

My selfish actions
Caused my distress
How I long for
One tender caress

My true feelings
I wish that you knew
One last cliche
I'll only love you