You go through girls like I go through books but you found it strange how I preferred how they smell over perfume
There were days where I gave you everything I had on a silver plate and there were days when this plate was nowhere to be found
I fell in love with you, I fell in love so hard it broke me
And ever since you left my heart has been beating differently

I don't sleep anymore and I have a constant lump in my throat growing like a tumor
I'm losing people like tree leaves on an autumn afternoon
I think I'm losing my mind as well

In my dreams, you were still gone
And I was searching for you in the dark with my eyes closed
There was no hope
There is no hope
With everyday that passes, I know I'll wake up and you will still be gone

I miss you so much my bones ache
I wonder how you managed to detach yourself from me like you were a garden and I was just a wilting flower
Nothing matters anymore
Not the books
Not the trees
Not the dreams

Ever since you were gone, I had to bite my tongue so hard I think it's cut off
Now the only thing I could do is write a hundred poems that belonged to the ocean and leave them at your door
Hoping one day, you'll ******* tears in them
And maybe, just maybe
You'll find your way back to me.

They told me, no one ever dies of a heartbreak.
But have they not heard about the suicides?
Have they not heard about the hanging ropes, the long sleepless nights, the dying inside a living body?

They do not know, how your voice sounds like when you're falling asleep.
They do not know, how your mouth curls up at the edges when you smile.
They do not know, what it's like to kiss your lips like I've never known air like I've never held hands, like I've never felt life.

In love with you is the only way I felt at home.
It's like falling asleep after so many restless nights
It's like the sun after snow, the snow after long hot summer days. It's like the first love, first kiss, first I love you all at once.

Now, it is always cold in my room, my body is always burning with despair.
I barely even sleep anymore, and when I do, I wake up crying because I just thought you leaving was a bad dream.
There are no I love you's, no kisses.
The love is still there, but it's useless, left on a bookshelf collecting dust and tears.

They do not know the tears I cry every night missing your voice
They do not know how I die a little inside looking at your smile knowing I'll no longer be the reason behind it
They do not know how I crave your lips like I can't breathe and you are made of oxygen

They do not know how life is with you
And how life is without you.

Your body is a map and I have red pins in my heart
Who said distance is easy?
When I cry rivers that I can't sail into your arms, my brain turns into a multifunctional machine to develop new ways of feeling less empty when I only hear your voice through my headphones.

I think to myself, has this got no end?

I only long for your sweet smile coming across me not separated by a screen and thousands of miles
I only long for your arms as you cradle me, I as a small bird looking for warmth and peace
I only long for what I already have but cannot seem to reach, like a vision, or a dream

You are the bright stain that overlooks all the other dark parts in me
Nature would bow in glory to how beautiful your soul is
You are as far away as wishes upon a star and I am as hallow as the ones that fall
I cannot contain the dreadful silence and the loneliness that comes after your voice is gone and I am left to face the world alone

Tell me, has this got no end?

Bruises around my heart that long to be cured by your hands are turning into a masterpiece
What do you call it when you miss someone so much it hurts to remember their scent?
What do you call it when you crave something you've never had to begin with?
How can love be so painful yet so wonderful?
I wonder if in years I will be smiling in your arms, kissing your beautiful lips or crying on my bathroom floor holding one of the only physical evidence that you once indeed existed

Are you only in my head?

A sun, shinning through looking glass
Broken pieces of me are glowing with remorse
Can you tell, how lovely tea leaves are singing
Duets with crows and ravens
Everything shines in glory, shines in regrets
Falling in reverse, crying in reverse
Gone are the ghosts, gone are dreams
How lovely are the birds' beaks
Integrating with the sea's edge
Joining the dead ships and shells
Keeping the diseases, keeping the rain
Low sounds, do you remember how it felt when we said goodbye?
Melodies discharging tears from their eyes like a funeral's crowd
No more remorse, no more regrets
Opening their mouths but the words are trapped like birds in cages
Pills are choking them, stuffing their bodies
Quite was the day, loud was the night with screams from within
Run for your life, or run for your death
Sick were my dreams, sick with my insanity
This birdsong, it's haunting you, haunting me
Under pressure, under which gate is the key?
Vaulted were their smiles, like an ancient city
With sorrow it is, vaulted is the gate to you
Xeroxing my needs, every inch of my pride
You have set my soul on fire, I'm burned to the ground
Zonked out, exhausted by the lies that lingered through your skin, through mine.

I'm infused with the way you say my name
I know it's wrong
But how you talk about time
Makes me wish it would stop
So I can count how many stars
Your eyes hold

It's not easy
I try to be distracted
Only to find myself
Writing your name in my journal
Like a teenager, scribbling hearts
And wondering how your skin feels
Against mine

I would wait
If it means creasing your skin
in the end

I would walk a thousand miles
to reach your light
at the end of a tunnel

I would wait for your love
like waiting for babies to be born
and flowers to blossom

because everything
that is beautiful
only comes, after waiting

But
You're a sun, I'm a sunflower
no matter how much I stretch my hands out
I can never seem to reach you

My arms, they hurt
My fingers, they burn
Oh my love
I burn for you

I am a sunflower that's dying
Wilting
Smashing

I followed you
My soul will always do
But I cannot love
I cannot wait
any longer for you

I thought it was cliché, when people talk about love
How "the moon shines brighter when you smile"
And "I see heaven in your eyes"
How thousands of songs were written
In the name of love

Then you came around
And I realized how everything was true
I saw the moon, shining in your smile
My heaven, is in the way you look at me
And thousands of stars collided in my bones
The moment you said I love you

I would spend eternity
Thinking about your hands
The way they touch
And your lips
The way you whisper
And I would die, over and over
If I would to die, in your arms

Love is not like the movies
It’s not like books, or songs
It’s not like anything I've heard
Or seen
It crashes sometimes, it hurts mostly
But it will always be worth it
Because love, is the way you bite your lips
It’s the way you hold your steering wheel
It’s the way you kiss my hand
Love is you.