Wouldn't it be great if we spent our nights
Laying next to each other staring
Fascinated by each other's eyes

Wouldn't it be great if we spent our time
Talking about our individual lives
Wishing we'd experience it together

Wouldn't it be great if we spent our money
Travelling where ever holding
Each other's hand

Wouldn't it be great if we slept together
In the comfort and warmth
Of each other's arms

Wouldn't it be great if I get to witness
Your radiant smile on a daily basis
Only to reflect it

Wouldn't it be great if our lips met before
You or I leave for the day and after
We say our goodnights

Wouldn't it be great if we walked the streets
Side by side, fulfilled and content
With each other's company

Sadly our lives are not as great.
As if the world tries to pull us apart
Trying to poisoning our love with distance

But our lives are good
I know that even if we don't get to do these
These are things I got to experience with you

And that makes the struggle and the waiting
Worth more than anything I've ever encountered
Worth more than the fantasies

I am thankful for these moments no matter how rare
Satisfied with the memories that we both share
And I look forward to making more with you no matter how few

I know that whatever I do, whatever I choose,
Whatever struggle and whatever joy
I want to live to my life to the fullest with you.

Tuwing akoy tumutingala sa mga kumikislap na bituin,
Di ko mapigilang maalala ang kislap ng yong mga mata
Puno ng misteryo't mga tanong na di kelangang sagutin

Tinutuwid ang isip na di mapakali
Kinakalma ang pusong may giit sa mundo
At pinapabagal ang oras na basta bastang pinapalipas;
tila bawat segundo ay may tamis na inaalay.
Nagpapalasing sa ligaya habang binubulag ang sarili sa katotohanang 'di na 'yon mauulit
Sa katotohanang ito'y ala ala lamang.

Nagbabago ang aking pagkatao sa harap ng iyong muka
Napapamahal sa lahat ng mga bagay at pangyayaring nagpagtagpo sa atin. Lumalamig ang simoy ng hangin, di mapigilang pumikit at mabuhay sa nakaraang pagkakataon.

Maaabot lang pala ang langit sa gitna ng dalawang impyerno.
Mahal, maari ba muling magtagal sa iyong piling? Kahit isang ulit lang maipadama mo muli ang langit sa mundo. Nakalimutan ko na kasi ang tamis ng kaligayang idinulot ng pagmahal na galing sayo.

Muted by the silence that I chose

Paralyzed by the fear of acting for myself

Trapped in a cage of my creation

I die in every way I try to live

Pain made me numb

Being numb renders my emotions absent

Like a dog patiently waiting for his owner that died

Like a child without a home

Like a cigarette lit but not smoked

Like a star who's light could never reach our eyes

I feel like all these things

Sad, lonely, pointless and invisible

Like I've always been.

Like I'll always be.

I could close my eyes
to see yours staring at mine
I could cover my ears
To hear your voice stating your lines

I could purse my lips
To feel your kiss once more
I could cross my arms
To have you between them like before

I could frown my face
To see your radiant smile
I could stay alone
To be with you once in a while

My memories of you
Keep me up at night
And I want to live in them
If it's quite alright

I found that we were similar about one particular thing: blaming ourselves for whatever happened between us. We had enough questions to keep our minds awake through these lonesome nights, enough guilt to keep ourselves silenced as if we've lost the right to our own voices, and enough pride to render our apologies useless like bullets meant to bring about change buried beneath the ground for safety. As if our apologies could harm anything other than our own ego that we mistakenly treasured instead of each other.

Or is it just me?

Am I tugging on a rope tied to a tree believing that the both of us create this tension but in truth is it just me? Did you simply let go? Do these words even reach you? Did my tears ever touch you? Does any of this even matter to you? You respond with silence from which I can draw indifference. You smile and I see right through it. I can't believe it. Never have I hated that smile until you faked it..just to pretend you're okay with this.

Or is it just me again?

Is that a legitimate smile? Are you genuinely happy now? Have you really gotten over everything? You say that you're okay with a smile like it's real. Maybe I just can't accept that that's how you feel. Because if I did, I'd have to face that pain. I'd have to close my eyes to hold the tears back, fake a smile, lie you one last time and say: I'm okay too.

I guess it IS just me.

Of all the months I've spent thinking about you, dreaming about the joyful moments we've spent and mourning our love's death. Of all the the futile attempts of  reaching you being met with disappointments. I've come to a conclusion; I am no longer in love with you, I am simply hanging on to severely beautified memories that my mind has created in order to compensate for the chronic dullness of my heart and to save myself from the creeping loneliness that grows larger each day. To put it simply, I am in love with an idea.

It IS just me.

She is a flower that blooms
Way beyond my reach
And I've built ladders
Out of the broken pieces of me

Hoping I could reach high enough
Not to pick her but to simply admire
How beautiful she could make the world
By simply existing within my grasp

Forgive me for I
Prefer solitude over
Your companionship

In a room dimly lit by the crescent moon of December; we laid there under the sheets keeping each other warm. Her face was vague yet her radiant beauty blinded my eyes with such clarity of her mesmerizing presence.

I stared into those curious eyes and saw myself in them. I was consumed and in love with the overwhelming energy of appreciation of being with her. I wanted to thank the universe despite the reality that this was non-intentional. I felt non-existential yet for the first time in my life I felt like a being that was meant to exist at that moment.

With her warm body around my arms I felt my soul reaching out to the one next to me. As she held me tight, the most comforting affirmation of mutual love overwhelmed me with joy and I sincerely wished it would never end. It never did end, for that memory lives with me and will live with me for as long as I am able to recall.

Never have I felt such passion, and I doubt I ever will. Forever will I look back to that beautiful December night, cold and warm, alone and together, emptied yet overwhelmed. With such magnificent contrast and balance, it was the only moment I was ever complete.

There is this pain inside of me
Caused mainly by your apathy
It screams at me with silence
And I cover my ears to no difference

There’s also my anxiety
That chokes my heart without mercy
As all these questions fill my mind
Whose answers I don’t want to find

Will you ever care for me
Will you ever share with me
The love I’ll crave for endlessly
Will this end in futility

All I want is to talk to you
I have this need to know what’s true
Why would you deny me the right
To save myself from my own blight

You were my only thread of hope
Out of this void, my escape rope
As soon as I latched on, you snapped
Now in my own darkness I’m trapped.

Beautiful girl, you shine bright as the moon
Radiant and mesmerizing
My eyes are compelled to look up to your light
Bask me in your presence and let me love

Beautiful girl, the weight of my world resigns
At the sight of your smile
Bless me with it
So that I may raise my arms and reach for you

Beautiful girl, with your light
I am allowed to dream
To dismiss the stars and focus on you
To wish that you are mine and I am yours

Beautiful girl, you give contrast
To the darkness of my world
And the hatred in my heart
I depend on you for it

Beautiful girl, did you disappear?
Or did I become blind to your light?
Forgive me, please forgive me
For it is my fault
That you no longer brighten my world

Do you believe in love at first sight?
No?
Cause I think now I do.
I think I'm in love even though
I know so little of you
The way your face lifted its cheeks
The way your eyes revealed joy
And the way your lips stretched
And curled into a smile with perfection
I never thought I'd ever witness,
For I never knew such a thing existed.
I'm enlightened.

It's like a virus that's extremely contagious,
I felt the symptoms and filled with joy
I showed the signs and reflected that smile
I'm excited.
Excited to see where this infection will lead
Excited for this disease progress, manifest
And take over the totality of me.
I'd test positive, ironically I feel positive
For this sense of joy you've brought me
Is just what I needed. I need it.

So I hope you wouldn't mind
If I make it sort of my mission
To make you smile in whatever
ways I can think of, be it in small actions
Or little jokes and gestures
And I hope you understand,
If I hope to keep seeing that smile
The things I'll do cannot be grand
For I would have to risk not witnessing
Perfection for a while.