**** it, whatever:
             your modesty.

At the bizarre bazaar a dark star was born
In the Stark night its spark put out the light
of other white stars and
beneath the brooding sky strange shadows danced
dressed in their finest black lace,
from the grave in brocaded camisoles
they blazed a trail and set sail for the dark star.

The fly
And I
Will die
Only humans
Wonder why

Consciousness
The screen door universe
I filter through
But will the fly
And I

Converse?

Let me be me.
Trust my judgement even if you don't know what it means
Believe that I am trying
Explaining how I feel is a lot harder than lying.
I am afraid.
I am scared with every word I say
But not because of I'm unsure who I am at the end of the day.
I know who I am. What I'm afraid of is that our relationship will fade.
It's hard for both of us,
All I'm asking for is a little bit of trust
I know you don't want to give it because I've lied.
I know you feel like your daughter has died
But I know that your son is alive.
He's not asking for help, he just wants support
You can't get a her out of him no matter what you try to extort.
I've always been a people pleaser, who said I didn't act that way for you?
I don't like upsetting people, this trait is not new.
I know you think I am too young
But I am sure as the rising sun
I may not know everything, but at least I know this
So draw your arrow and aim your bow
But if you shoot be sure not to miss
Because when it comes to this, I will not just roll over and lie low.

Tell me about the person who broke your heart.
Tell me about the color of their eyes.
How their hair felt in between your fingers.
Tell me about the rhythm of their heart.
Tell me about the last words they said to you and how they took every last breath out of you.
Tell me about all the places you used to go to with them, and how when you went for the first time without them all you saw was ghosts.
Tell me about the ache in your bones when you see them in your dreams and how it lasts years
months
days.

All I have left are the pictures we took
Memories frozen in time
Moments I can't overlook
I choke up when I view them
But I won't throw them out
Polaroids kept in a box
So I don't scream and shout

Each letter you wrote me is still in that box too
Every single one ends with  'I will always love you'
It's been almost 4 months since you said that to me
I guess always ends sooner when you're almost 19

As I sit in my room
All I think of is you
Whilst I'm writing the words on my skin
I slowly sink through the bed
All the thoughts in my head remind me why I still feel so blue
Now it seeps through my shirt  but I can't tell if it hurts
All I know is I'm a failure again
Because I woke from my sleep
Surrounded parents just weep picking me up from a rose soaked bed

You passed me inside the halls
And as my sleeve starts to fall
I think you saw the things I had to say
Without you here I don't know
If I want to stay or just go
I just want the pain to go away
All I ask is in time
I'll cross your mind
And everything that you did you regret
Because it's too late for me
I just want others to see that a girl can drive you to death.

On evenings when my blood runs thin
But my spirit aches for release,
I pull out my pen and paper
And begin to write
The words I cannot bring myself to say

My hand does not move
As the paper beneath it
Grows damp under my ducked head.

I am not a poet, I think.
Who is a poet other than one who captures
emotions inside words?
I am not a poet, I think,
Because emotion does not drive my pen.

I am a translator.
I translate regret into tears,
And the tears smudge the empty words I wrote in ink
To paint a portrait
Of myself:
the one who tried to feel but couldn't.