There were days
I remembered
To put my heart on my sleeve.

The other days
I hid it
So deep inside my body
I couldn’t find it for myself.

The terror of anyone finding
Me judging me
Seemed to linger in the air
I inhaled.

Mom.

I miss your strength.

You were the rock
unbudged against my raging seas.

You were the water
that quenched my fire before I could burn.

Endlessly you gave yourself to me.

Becoming the sun when I had none.

In times like these
I call such strength
to be born inside me.

I am a slave to change.
Eager to finish self construction.
The cobs of familiarity tighten
As I long to breathe fresh air.
Nervousness invites itself.
What part of me will die, transform?
And which part of me will hunger and be born?

I’m scared because my mind rages against me

I hear the motor ignite with a vengeance.

Hurling towards me.

I’m on the sidewalk. I reason.

Each roar forces me to close my eyes.

I am afraid.

Of a car that will never crash against me.

I see your eyes flicker as droplets on our skins dance to the ground.
Your smile widens as the water clicks the cement our heels tread on.
For a moment I am suspended in your love.
My soul expands to the sky, the earth, and the water in between.
Perhaps April will be my favorite moment between us.

Slowly I am becoming
the woman with the same name.
The one who is sung to endlessly
in different melodies and languages.
Loved passionately and missed dearly.