The darkness opens up the thoughts.

she lies in her bathtub
bath walls stained red
tears in her eyes
a smile of relief
staring at the ceiling
"self destruction"
she whispers
slightly laughing
she stares at the blood
seeing it stop dripping
searching for the blade
more self destruction
another cut
no
cuts
more than one
maybe twenty
there is no end
someone knocking on the door
the bathroom door
"you alright"
she heard
"i killed her"
she yells
no
instead she smiles
"i am fine"
she says
she feels like the word are not coming from her mouth
she heard foot steps
walking away
"i killed her"
she whispers
finding herself laughing
but tears keep falling
yet another cut
"i killed her"
she whispers
again
she is trying to believe it
to remember
flashbacks
a door opening slowly
feeling her hands getting heavy
like she is holding something
then nothing but black
"i killed her"
she whispers
she finds herself sobbing
almost unable to say a word
she is sobbing
just like that night
was it night?
she does not know
all she knows is her heavy hands
and
the next thing
crying
sobbing
she is sobbing
next to a body
her body
all she is able to say is
"i killed her"
"i killed her"
she whispers again
she snaps back
finding herself still cutting
"i killed her"
she whispers once again
she does nor try to stop the bleeding
nor the cutting
her hands feeling heavy again
it scares her
is it like that night?
if it was even night
yet she smiles
relief
her sight turns black
she stopped
sobbing
cutting
there are just tears falling down her face now
and blood
dripping
there is always blood
it is always dripping
then she whispers again
one last time
but it is different
her eyes are closed
and she whispers
**"i killed me"

Give me bruises,
So I cherish my fair skin.
Give me headaches,
So I enjoy the silence.
Make me cry,
So I appreciate when I'm dry.
Put me down,
So I'll always be going up.
If I fall,
I guarantee I'll stand up proper.
If I break,
I'll fix everything else.
Give me horror, so that I recognize true beauty.
Give me sickness, so that I am grateful for health.
Give me sorrow, so that I smile the biggest at the opportunity.
Tell me I'm terrible,
So that I'll always try harder.
Give me all you've got. I want to be stronger.