It is okay if
all you are able to do
today is exist

1:37 AM
19/7/21

The more I think,
The better off I am alone.
These thoughts of mine are the only things that do not leave.

I have watched best-friends turn to dust,
At the hands of boys they said they'd rather be with than to be friends with me.
Just as I have watched exes return to the people they called poison because the first time did not work out.

I guess I am the poison,
And the people who hurt them were the antidote.
Because god forbid I ask you to take care of yourself,
Drop the cigarette, this metaphor isn't cute.
Flush the needles, your soul is already covered in track marks.
Toss the razors, your heart has too many scars.

I am sorry I wanted you to live,
And I'm sorry you wanted to die.
But you can't hang around anymore.
And neither can I.
Please get out of my life.
Just leave me alone.

Don't try to come back,
I'm better off here on my own.
Its easier to fight heartbreak,
If I remain alone.

I feel a thousand eyes staring,
Yet no one takes notice.

People say they will help,
Yet I am left alone.

They call everyone perfect,
Yet I am not treated so.

The world promises they will remember,
Yet I am forgotten.

You can’t forge a letter,
You can’t copy a story,
Shouldn't that make them worth something?

No one is the same,
Everyone is amazing and different,
Shouldn’t that make me worth something?

For I have been forgotten,
To everyone else, nothing but
A mere feather in the wind.

Am lonely
only rarely alone
but surely lonely
down to my last friends
lately making them is hard
harder to keep them still
everlasting sighs at
exasperation from idiocy
mine own idiocy

Am very lonely
in mine own lonely way
my beautiful girl
is my closest friend
but even she can not
fill this hole inside of me
when dreaming
I grip her shoulders tight
and cry into her *****
she is so dearly loved

Am so very, very lonely
missing a friend
who lives overseas
he means so much to me
across the pond
his light can't be seen
he is the lighthouse
for this way off-course ship
and he shines bright
but the fog is too thick
mate, it's real thick tonight

Am the loneliest I've been
my dad sits in the next room
he is so dearly loved
makes me feel loved
like there are no parallels
unique and cherished
yet this feeling is indifference
no concern for myself
the words to make him comfort me
don't pass my lips
my trembling quivering lips

Am desiring compassion
resentful of pity
am wanting of sympathy
guilty of concern
am capable of empathy
sensitive to misfortune
am lonely
so very lonely

The smile that started it all.
I saw her across the room,
She laughed so softy,
But loud enough to be heard.
I wonder if she planned to take over my life.
I wasn't afraid of anything,
Besides loosing her.
It's been two years and her smile hasn't changed.

I'm so tired of crying in bathroom stalls and wiping the tears furiously away and never ever being liked and never ever being good enough and always getting laughed at and always failing and I'm so tired of being tired

d.d.b