I am so many things in this life , what I choose for me to be .
I will remain strong and not consider all the cruel things you say to me .
I am not the Matt that fits inside a  door .
I am not nor will ever be a ***** or a *****.
So when you stand like a coward and spit words in my face .
Be sure that you mean them because they can never be erased .I'm sorry that you feel the need to cause me such pain.
It must be a living hell inside your brain.
I'm so much more than what your eyes can see
You will never know nor will i let you take that away from me.
The woman that I really am inside this  shell
God made me special and all you've done is drag me through hell .
I have to forgive you because My Lord says to
But He never said I had to forget all you have put me through.
I understand you you have the need to feel control at all cost to you.
I hope the price you had to pay is worth everything you do.
Because when it's all said and done and I am gone in a blink of an eye.
I've left you these words to remind you daily so you never have to question why!!
Abuse is much more than a slap or a hit.
Enough is enough when I tell you to quit.
Just because you have the body of a man doesn't give you the right.
Your body parts don't make you a man nor do the words you spit when we fight.
Maybe one day you will grow up and see
I am more of a woman than the man you will ever be.

The fire raging from my body is filled with hate and memories of a man I rid myself of years ago, only this fire is so different, filled with numbness  for the man whose now supposed to protect me now of the way he's become with spit flinging from his mouth , his body engulfed in raging veins and words as he stands in my face like a king with all control when he is now just a coward in his own flesh .
Am I bound to a curse , certainly this is not the life God intended for me to live . Life is free will. The creation of the evil that surrounds this life it haunts some like myself, it  is powerful but the fear isn't what they can do to me , the fear is what I am capable of doing to them .
©KimE1105

Spider Webb's of depression rain down from these walls.
The scent of musty clothes gathered like a rug on this floor.
Dishes overflow the kitchen sink, wrapped with anxiety just waiting to be clean.
But my mind awaits the title wave to wash all this pain away.
There may or may not have been a time set to tidy, where it went if it's gone I haven't a clue as the bricks of my life are weathered and frail some lay beneath my feet, The wood to rebuild it is too warped for any future so I will lay myself down and sleep it all away, as I've come to conclude what people use to say ,this too shall pass, and so it does to the same way I feel today.
©KimE2018

Looking at these walls filled with  sickness in every room, I can't help but wonder what is going through your mind.
A thousand questions I know is  running through my mine.
How did you get to this point of giving up and cause your own defeat,
Was there something  I could have done or said or something I didn't do? Did  you give up when I moved away, did you think I gave up on you?
Such a beautiful soul that lost all her will to live.
I caught myself when i started questioning God why.
Why did they have to take your leg when you had already lost your ability to walk
It's like He opened a book and made it so clear to me.
There you are laying in that hospital bed shining like a star.
The light I thought was gone forever is all that I can see.
You may have lost a small part of your leg but you gained your will to live.
You woke from your nightmare of giving up on yourself .
Now you are chasing your dreams and setting goals, you are finding your self worth.
It won't be long and we will be walking along the beach of the oceans sand.
I'm forever by your side as God will guide your way, if you should fall don't give up just reach up and grab God's hand .

A sense of lonely covers my soul, like the darkest ebony amongst the snow.
The feeling of sadness and pain fills my heart, as I bare witness to evil tearing us apart.
So many obstacles stand in the way, my only hope is to bow my head and pray.
Though it's written in the Bible ,in which I believe to be true.
The children will turn on each other and their parents too.
Yet though hath commandments written in the stone.
Thought shall respect thy father and thy mother, no matter if you are grown.
How am I to accept this , the children I carried to life now turn their back against me.
How can one command  yet give warning just the opposite of the way the end shall be..
There is no greater pain other than when a mother gives birth , but for when her only children no not their mothers worth.
©KimE2018